The Moon Inside of Me

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Chaos Starts With C From Claudio

The night passed in full anxiety.

Even my brother, always so disconnected and empty, seemed to notice my uneasiness, looking at the phone every second, as if it were to expel an alien at any moment. Miguel didn’t even send a comma until three in the morning. I was so bright with euphoria that at the first vibration of the device, my body was filled with an electric current so strong that it jumped out of bed.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” was written desperately, each word on a different line, as if it was painful for him to admit. “Good,” I said, wasting no time. An almost childish smile involuntarily possessed me as I completed the sentence with: I thought it was just me.

Have you ever felt that you knew someone so much that you could guess their characteristics behind the screen? I was sure my correspondent was smiling, even without sending an emoji or face to represent the gesture. It was as if I could see him behind those millions of codes that separated us.

“I still have your coat here,” was the way he chose to say clearly that we needed to see each other. I wouldn’t let it go, so with quick fingers I answered without delay: Are you trying to ask me on a new date, Miguel?

There was a brief silence as the “typing” message appeared at the top of the screen and perpetuated for long seconds. Insecurity? Doubts? Fear? What kept that boy from telling the truths in his brain?

“Are you going to say you’re not dreaming about my mouth on yours”? He was right, I was, all the time in those drag hours that stretched after our date, I was. Jorge entered the room at that very moment, his eyebrows knit in confusion as he got me awake, my hair completely messed up and with a happy expression such as a lottery winner. My face filled itself with deep redness for no reason. Even though I knew he couldn’t read my messages, it was as if he could see through me, always.

- He wrote you at dawn? - What did he have to do with it anyway?

As if reading my thoughts, Jorge shook his head with a mischievous smile on his lips, twins to mine, and closed the door, turning on the TV in the living room, just to pester me like: Hey, I’m awake and spying on you. Someone had to say to him it was unhealthy to trade night for day. But look who was talking about that...

With my delay in sending a reply, Miguel soon did:

“No need to lie, I felt your skin crawl when I was kissing you. I know you want it as much as I do. ” Do I wanted? The truth was that the whole situation seemed so confusing that I couldn’t tell how far the euphoria ended and where the fear started. We were from completely different worlds, and as much as we had been honest about it now, it wasn’t like it made things any easier.

“No matter what I want or what I feel ...” It was as if my deep breath was implicit in those reticences. “It will never work.” Miguel didn’t answer me after that message, he hadn’t typed anything else or connected until I got to school at seven in the morning with dark circles deeper than cliffs.

I shared this first class with Claudio, my smallest problem today. After our brief conversation - a bit aggressive even - in the hallways and the damn night he finally broke my heart for good, we had created a more than healthy distance. It was about time, you know? I had been a step towards his achievements for so many years that I had not realized how toxic it was. I hadd to get used to ignoring his captivating presence or how beautiful I thought it was his sloppy way of writing or walking, but I could tell that gradually what was torture became relief.

He didn’t come to me, either. His attention seemed to have turned to less complicated things. With all the rush of the weekend, I ended up not reading the messages my old friend sent me after the events. Undercover, I surrendered my curiosity and hid my device under the table, scrolling down the app screen until I found that little green ball that indicated new messages. I took a deep breath, unsure of their contents. I was just like that, determined to let him go alone on his way. What if something about them eventually changes my mind?

“Hi, doll”, I loved when Claudio called me that, damn it! “I know I messed up, believe me, I know. It’s just that I never had to go through this, you know? Having another guy on top of you was killing me. ” Ah that’s great! As if that would soften something! For once, one devil at a time, someone took an interest in me, while, conversely, I had already lost count of how many whores I had to endure sucking him in my mind.

“I’m in love with you, Luna. And that scares the hell out of me.” Before I could help it, I felt hot tears roll from my eyes. Involuntarily, I sought Claudio and his big green eyes over my shoulder. As if he knew what was going on, I found those orbs fixed on me with features that resembled compassion and even desire.

Unable to cope with the swirling sensation in my stomach, I rushed out of the classroom, groping through the dirty scribbled walls so as not to tip over the trembling of my legs. That was why he was so cold ... In fact, He thought I had simply ignored his statement when, in fact, I had not read the message.

My back hit the wall in a dry thud, surrendering to the dizziness that was building in my brain. Even though it might be from lack of sleep or breakfast that I missed out of sheer anxiety, I knew that some brown waves were responsible for that swarm of sensation.

Suddenly, a pair of hands grasped each of my arms and pulled me into a hollow next to me that I hadn’t noticed before. As soon as my eyes got used to the darkness, I realized I was inside a broom closet with none other than the cause of all that shit. Claudio outlined my face with his emerald orbs so intensely that it was claustrophobic to stare back at him.

Without saying a word, his body destroyed the distance that separated us, and those full lips took mine with fury and ardor. It was a different kiss from Miguel’s and I hated myself for making that comparison. While the first one seemed slower and sensual, this one was desperate and wild.

His tongue had an almost domineering attitude over mine, like a hunter caressing his prey before giving the stab of mercy. His hands left my wrists and began to explore every corner of my body that he visibly wanted, not content with getting over its clothes. You see, I had dreamed enough about Claudio felling my breasts over my bra to stop now, but somehow it didn’t feel right. An almost begging sigh escaped my mouth and made him smile proudly, as if he knew what caused on me.

- You’re getting horny with me, how delicious! - His face buried itself in my neck, causing me to stifle a moan, biting my bottom lip hard. He stared back at me, placing his thumb right over my mouth, making it squirm into a grimace that must have been really sexy judging by the look he held, as if he were going to undress and fuck me right there.

My voice barely came out as I tried to warn him that it wasn’t a good idea to do that there, but instead of letting go, he pressed our bodies closer, joining his hips with mine so I could feel how hard he was. - Do you think you can ignore me and play with me? - We were going down a dangerous path that was between a lot of teenage action and being forced against a bunch of mops to lose my virginity.

I didn’t like either, no matter how much my body said otherwise. This time, I couldn’t contain the moan as his tanned hand went through my jeans, right through the cotton panties and caressed my intimacy as if we’d been doing it all my life. He introduced a finger in and closed his eyes as he repeated the movement. - You’re so wet, Luna ... I’ll get in so easy...

Fear seized me and, like a cornered animal trying desperately to get rid of its predator’s attack, I pushed the boy who fell on some iron buckets on the floor and ran out the door, not caring about my backpack in class or what people would think of all that noise. I ran, but I ran a lot and without looking back. I passed the distracted smoking doorman who didn’t even see me walking through the iron gates furiously. It was almost break time, and the streets seemed awakened by the sounds of cars and picks puncturing the asphalt.

As I took the first step toward my house, with my heart on fire and violent tears staining my vision, the sound of a familiar horn caught my eye. My heels turned the rest of my body to find a pair of blue gems that tightened as them noticed my condition. Miguel honked his horn once more, just to make sure I heard it, so I approached his vintage car that I loved. My curls were completely disheveled and the clothes were a mess by the action from minutes ago, but even so, without a word, I sat in the passenger seat, put on my seat belt, and let him drive away.

We didn’t exchange any dialogue and I didn’t even care where he was taking us, I just wanted to disappear from the universe.

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