Amidst Brokenness Memories and Impossibilities

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Chapter 10

Chapter 10

It was all spinning through my brain like one big train wreck, obliterating everything in its path, and the worst part about all of it? I couldn’t stop crying. Tears were streaming down my face, and I felt like I was losing everything all over again. My whole reality for the past three whole years had been a complete and utter farce. A folly scorched into my brain by a teenage boy that claimed to love me. Why had I believed him? After what he had done to me? I had known he was capable of something awful, and I had allowed him into my life. Fuck. My kids called him ‘Uncle’ and now I had to explain to them ( in kids terms ) why they could never see him again.

I was hysterical, and shaking. The police, and ambulance had pulled up outside the restaurant, and hauled a still cursing Walter into the back of their police car. Ranting, and raving like a complete lunatic, whilst the rest of us watched in horror. I didn’t leave Eli’s embrace. I don’t think I was capable of it, and he hadn’t asked me too. He held me even as we filled out a police report, and then were guided to an ambulance, and seated down in the back. Even as my face, and ribs were checked, I still remained on his lap. I refused to be pried off by anyone. Not yet. I needed him.

He was in tears as well, his hands were trembling, and bloodied. Even his cheek was swollen, and his own stomach harbored bruises. Everything had shattered. My world. My children’s. Everything was coming to a head, and I couldn’t see straight enough to hold myself together this time. I had taken the last awful thing that I could. I was not made of steel. I wasn’t cut out for this shit.

I came to enough to hear one of the male paramedic’s voice. “We have to take her off of you, we need to get a better look at both her, and you.” It snapped me out of my sobbing haze enough to cling tighter to Eli, and I felt him wince, but he didn’t shove me away.

“DON’T YOU DARE! YOU AREN’T TAKING HIM AWAY FROM ME! NEVER AGAIN!” I screamed at them, like a mad woman, and both of them backed away, their hands up as though I was holding a gun to their heads. Damn I wish I was. And Eli wrapped one of his arms tighter against me, as I once more descended into sobs.

“Give us a minute?” Eli breathed out calmly, and the paramedics walked away, leaving us be.

“Please…Eli. Don’t let them take me off of you…they will put you in jail this time. They will take you away. I can’t lose you again. Please Eli…please tell them…” I felt him wiping my tears with his thumb, and I could practically feel my co-workers staring through my skin in shock from my outburst.

They were reveling in this drama, in my whole life falling to pieces. I could sense it like a bad toothache.

“Shhh, Belle, I am here. Right here, and I am not going anywhere. I will hold you as long as you need me to okay? Listen to me. Nothing bad is going to happen if they look at us, whilst we aren’t clinging to each other, okay? I will be right here beside you, they don’t want to take either of us away. Mon Amour, I remember.”

Those words falling from his lips, made me stare up at him in actual shock, before I released my death grip on his chest. “W-What?” I breathed out, my hands trembling from my sobs.

“I got a few glimpses when I saw him beating you. Of things I had forgotten. It was more like a feeling. A flutter of instinct perhaps, I remembered how much you meant to me, how I never would have let anything bad happen to you. You were my world, weren’t you? I remember the field…our field. We laid in it together, we made love, and we—“

“We v-vowed. We vowed to b-belong to one a-another. Every day, f-forever.” I whispered through my sobs. Sniffling, and attempting to control my tears.

He nodded his eyes held tears to mirror my own, and I reached to help wipe them away. “I saw him hurting you, and I had to defend you. I had to rescue you. My baby sister.” He breathed heavily into my ear, and I sobbed breaking down again.

“E-Eli….oh my Eli…” I couldn’t kiss him with all these people watching, so instead I clung to him again, wrapping my arms, around his neck, and nuzzling my face against his cheek.

“No one will take me from you again, but if you keep clinging to me, people will suspect things again.” He breathed softly, and I knew he was right. Damn him for being the better half of the both of us. All the time. He was always the most rational, even after all he has been through, he still had a level head after being beaten.

Finally after a long moment of cupping his cheeks, and brushing his tears I agreed. Shifting slowly off of his lap, I sat down gently on the back edge of the ambulance, keeping one of Eli’s hands firmly in my own I allowed the paramedic’s to check me over. They didn’t believe that Walter had broken any of my ribs, but they took pictures with my phone to show what he had done to me. As well as pictures of my face. I refused to go to the hospital, I would not be away from my home for the night.

Next they took on the task of going over Eli, and all of the bruises, and cuts he had acquired in the fight. Both on his knuckles, and his ribs. His knuckles were badly swollen, and bloody whilst his stomach held significant bruising. I knew that his ribs weren’t broken either. I remembered how they had looked when they had been all those years ago. It had been a lot worse.

Though they were reluctant, they gave us both the all clear, since we refused to go with them. I struggled to my feet with Eli’s help, and my boss moved to stand in front of me. “You take as much time as you needy, sweetheart. Okay? Take the week off. I will still pay you for it.” I stared at her with grateful eyes.

“Oh thank you!” I hugged her, and she returned the gesture, rubbing my back up and down, before releasing me.

“Same with you.” She nodded towards my brother, and he thanked her in turn, before we began to limp to my car. I felt like I had been hurled over by a damn hurricane, and I knew he probably didn’t feel much better, but I wanted to get home. It was all that I yearned for. Stepping into my car I waited for him to do the same, before I lifted my phone with trembling fingers.

Dialing Isaiah’s number I listened to it ringing. When he finally answered I spoke softly, with a trembling voice. “Can you put the children to bed. Now?” I asked him.

“Of course, is everything alright?” He questioned, his voice lined with obvious concern.

“No…but I don’t want them to see me beat up like this…please.” I pleaded with him.

“I will have them in bed.” He responded.

“Thanks.” I hung up, not wanting to explain anything to anyone. I knew it would take at least twenty minutes for him to change them all, and put them down. Turning my head towards Eli I could see him watching me. For once his eyes were dead, and cold, but soft, and gentle.

They were those of my Eli. Reaching out I gripped his hand, tenderly in one of my own. Turning his fingers over and over again, lifting it I kissed each of his scraped, swollen knuckles in turn. I felt bad for putting him in such a situation in the first place. I should have known better than to rile up Walter, but at least I now knew that everything was a lie. All of it.

“How much?” I asked him softly.

“How much what, Belle?” he breathed out softly.

He sucked in air as I reached out, with my free hand, and rubbed my hand up and down along his parts inside of his work trousers, “How much of you has come back to me?” My eyes were still swollen from sobbing so hard, and I probably looked like an utter disaster, with my hair sticking out of my ponytail in every which direction, and my clothes torn, and dirty, but I didn’t care. I needed a distraction. Something to take my mind off of everything I now had to process in the back of my mind.

“Belle…” he whined in a soft whisper, his hips arching towards my hand, whilst his own free one tried to still my wrist, but I kept rubbing him, my lips lingering close to his ear.

“All of you? Or only pieces?” I asked, “I need to know, Eli…please big brother?”

He could bare to be touched, and he wasn’t completely wrecked out of his mind, so that was a good sign so far. He was doing better than I previously expected before I started touching him in such an intimate place.

Yesterday he would have pushed me away or cowered, but he wasn’t doing either. “I don’t know…I don’t know what I have forgotten…” He breathed out and I rubbed him harder in his trousers, receiving and even harsher, strangled gasp.

“Do you want me? Would you have me right now if you could? Even though you are sober? Even though I am touching you when you told me not to?” I asked him, still prying for more.

“Fuck…Yes Belle, of course. I am in love with you. I am yours. Always and forever.” He breathed, between whimpers. I knew I had part of him back. The part that yearned for me must have been greater than the one that disliked physical touch. Enough of him had returned. I had him back. He was mine again, even if there were still demons to work through I was satisfied that I had him again. I was always going to have him now.

“Okay.” I breathed out before releasing his now erect prick from my grip, and pulled my hand back. He released a low sigh, and a hum left his lips.

“This time I won’t leave Belle. Your touch doesn’t hurt me anymore. At least, it didn’t just now.” He admitted, and I allowed a small smile to escape my lips. I was happy. Even through all of the chaos I now had to sort through I felt something akin to actual happiness flowing through my veins.

“Good.” I mused, and he reached out, lightly brushing my cheek against his bruised knuckles.

“I remember fighting. Fighting for my memories…they hurt me Belle. Did things.” He whispered. My eyes flicked closed, and all at once that happy feeling faded to leave a gaping hole in my chest as I remembered why he had been placed there in the first place. Who had caused all of this pain.

“Did things?” I dared to ask, repeating the words. They were stale, and dry on my tongue as I forced myself to peer in his direction. Tears already brimming my eyes. I remembered what he had said before, but he also had left things out. Terrible things.

“I remember…waking up in the night, strapped to my bed. If I disobeyed their rules, or I tried to escape, they would punish me that night. I tried to scream for help, but no one would ever come release me. I would wet myself because I couldn’t go to the bathroom. It’s why I have accidents now. At some point I just stopped waking up to go…” The realization seemed to dawn on him. He must have even forgotten some things about that place. Things that he wished not to remember, or his tortured mind had left out on purpose to help him cope. I leaked a few tears as I listened, and I reached out, squeezing his arm. “So many people touched me Belle. Hurt me. Raped me…” His mind was a dark place. I could feel it drifting off of him in waves, “Men mostly. They would whisper about how they liked my body, how I must miss you, and jack me off while they whispered things. So many things. Then have their way with me. It hurt so much, it always felt like I was tearing in half.” He seemed to be lost. Oh god, I was losing him.

My tears were streaming freely by this point, and I unstrapped my seatbelt, doing the same with him before I crawled onto his lap, cupping his cheeks I kissed him to silence him. I couldn’t hear anymore. The horrible things he had endured, and I selfishly needed him to stay with me. I couldn’t have him shutting out what he remembered, because pain came back as well. Too much pain.

“Shhh, big brother, Shhh…” I whispered against his lips, kissing them, and he returned the sentiment, our tears falling again. This time we didn’t bother to wipe them away. I couldn’t bring myself too. So much pain. It needed to go away.

“Stay with me. Don’t leave again, Eli. Never again.” I slid my hands down, and began fiddling with the button on his trousers, effortlessly unzipping them, and sliding out his prick. It was still swollen from my attentions, and I shoved up my waitress skirt, shoving my panties aside I pushed my hips firmly down, and he slid right inside of me.

I heard a low whimper from his lips, followed by my name. He was broken, just as I was, and we both needed this. “Shhh it’s just us, I am the only one that will touch you again. Focus on me. Only me.” I gripped his cheeks, and began to ride him, keeping eye contact with him as I did. His tears still fell, and so did mine, but this was something we both needed.

“Now kiss me.” I demanded of him, and he leaned in, and I captured his lips. My throat beginning to vibrate with moans, and so did his. “Let me pleasure you. No more pain.” I breathed against his chapped lips. I didn’t care that it hurt in my condition to ride him, and he didn’t seem to care that it was hurting him to have me on top of him.

“I want to be close to you, so close, Belle.” He gripped my waist as I flicked my nose lightly against his, keeping my hips rolling.

“And you will, baby.” I moved to kiss away his tears, and kissed every bit of his face that I could manage, the friction causing me to draw closer, and closer to an release. One of his hands moved off of my waist, and between my thighs, beginning to press down against my pleasure nub with his thumb.

“You used to like it when I touched you here. I remember how you would moan.” He whispered, and I felt my jaw drop open, because of the unexpected touch, and I started to cry out, moaning, because I didn’t want him to stop. Hell I was never going to want this to stop.

My hips rolled faster, and our moans continued until we both came crashing down around each other. His thumb causing my nub to twitch, and my center to drench his prick. And his seed shot up into me, like a drug I felt high off of this pleasure. Off of my brother.

When both of our ministrations ceased I breathed heavily, resting my head upon his shoulder as we both came down from our highs.

I began to shift to try, and slide him out of me, but he gripped my hips firmly. “Stay in. I don’t want to be out of you yet…please? I need to be inside of you.” He was pleading with me, and I couldn’t deny him the chance to make this moment linger. I whimpered when he guided me back down all the way, until his prick was buried deep in my center. I trembled because I was so sensitive, even having my panties against my pleasure nub was almost too much, but I had to admit it felt good.

“As long as you need. I will keep you inside of me as long as you want, Eli. I am yours to claim big brother. Always and forever.”

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