Every now and again a memory would flood into the back of my mind. Reminding me of the pain, and torment I had endured in the place I had been forced to remain for years of my life. I was never going to get back those years that I had lost. There was never going to be anything that was alright about what had occurred inside of the asylum, but that was what reminded me that I am sane now. That I had finally escaped. Except when there was a moment like this one.
All of the thoughts that pooled in the back of my mind because of Cooper’s arrival upon death’s doorstep had caused some of the worst memories that I carried from that place to surface. One of which I carried the scars still on my body.
For some reason I just remembered the day that the asylum doctor, hell-bent on forcing me to cease loving my sister had made cuts along the most sensitive piece of me. My cock. She had done it more than once, but something she had said the first time she did it, stuck with me for some reason.
How sick I am for creating the babies with my sister in the first place. She had caused me so much pain by making those little slices along my part that if I peeled back my foreskin I could still see them. Some of them were deeper than others, and I am thankful that Belle had yet to take notice of them.
I hated how weak I had been back then, but I also hated the fact that the doctor had been right. If I hadn’t stuck my prick in my sister than our child wouldn’t be dying right now. The boy wouldn’t have suffered a day because of what we did. I kept going over the fact that Belle had practically forced me to give her what she wanted earlier in the day. I was just as guilty as her because I had loved every second of it, but it didn’t stop me from hating myself. And fuck did I hate myself.
I know I deserved every cut my cock has ever received, and I also deserved the pain of losing a child, but that child didn’t deserve what had been forced upon him from birth. A shitty life, that made him suffer through it all. Straight from the first breath onward. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, especially as I bussed tables. I had nothing but my own thoughts. I was tuning out the whispers, the dirty looks. I was tuning everything out.
All I could do was think about Cooper. Just when I was putting down a heavy tub of dishes I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I nearly had a heart attack when I read the text that Belle had sent to me. “Get home now. He is fading fast. I need you.”
I only had to read the part about her needing me, and I was making a hasty excuse to my manager, and rushing out the door. I was frazzled, and I didn’t even remove my apron. Dropping the keys several times before I managed to open the car, and stepped inside, and quickly began to speed home. But as I raced up the steps, and into the house, I knew I was already too late.
There were piercing sobs, mixed with screams, coming from upstairs, and I saw Anna huddled downstairs with all three children, and knew what had occurred. I didn’t question, nor did I hesitate. I took the stairs two at a time, and rushed into Belle’s bedroom. My heart snapped at the sight I witnessed.
There was my love, clinging desperately to our son’s lifeless form, holding him pressed to her chest, with screams, and sobs in unison erupting from the back of her throat. She wasn’t trying to speak, only screaming, and sobbing. Holding the lifeless form so harshly I was surprised he didn’t snap in two. I threw off my apron, and moved to crawl onto the bed, coiling my arms around her from behind, trying to hold her, trying to soothe her.
Trouble was standing on the end of the bed, howling right along with her. Every now and then he would bark, but then continue to howl. I sobbed into the line of her neck as I saw her in such agonizing pain, and I didn’t have a single move I could make that would take away any of her pain. I was certain that she was forever going to be trapped in the anguish she felt right now. I couldn’t help; I couldn’t stop any of this. She was broken, and I couldn’t fix her. I was still broken myself. I was still lost rtoo. She hadn’t even brought all of me back, how could I bring back all of her? I was so distraught, both my son, and my sister were lost to me this night. How would I ever pull her back from the crippling edge of destruction?
It was so evident that she had fallen over the edge, and into oblivion. I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t save me.
Salvation didn’t exist. I held her from behind trying to rock her, trying to talk sweetly to her.
“Sweet baby…we will come through this….you have to, Belle…Belle…” I breathed into her ear, but more anguished sobs fell. She screamed until her voice was hoarse, and I knew she couldn’t scream anymore. She clung to our son’s body until her arms tired to the point where she couldn’t do it any longer, and her arms went limp.
At that point I moved to take our son, and laid him back down against the bed. She moved to lay beside him however, her arm tucked around him as though he were still alive, and my arm tucked around her, being the big spoon. Keeping her as safe as I possibly could. Whispering sweet soothing nothings into her ear, praying to god that she was going to be sane on the other side of this. I know how Cooper was her very favorite son. I know just how much that she loved him, and I hate that her heart is broken. I hate not being able to fix it.
She told me that I am always the one to make it better, ever since we were practically babies. I know who I am to her. Who she is to me. I know that I can’t fix this. I can’t repair her heart.
We laid beside his lifeless body for hours. I don’t know when the police were finally able to peel her from the bedside; from my arms. Or when the paramedics were able to bag his lifeless body for transport to the morgue. All I know is that when the tears stopped she was errily silent. Not any of my questions, nor theirs could get a response from her lips. She was silent the entire time, and Trouble remained at her feet, and all she would do is pet him.
Even Trouble was quiet towards the end. Once the body was removed from the house. I answered all of the questions, and once the police realized that Cooper’s death was inevitable they ceased their investigation. There wasn’t a thing to investigate. The child was dead, and no medication, or treatment could have prevented his fate. He was now in heaven with the angels, and I prayed that he would be happy, and safe there.
So much better off than he was, suffering in this world.
As I managed to help Belle up the stairs she was silent. Her eyes cold, and dead as I closed the bedroom door behind us. Anna had promised to make certain our remaining children were settled for the night, and their tears were dried so she took them back to her house.
Tonight I needed to fully have the house to just us. If I was even remotely going to try, and make her better. She had pleaded with me a few days ago to bring her back if she lost herself in the cusp of all of this pain. I know that she had, and tonight I had to try to bring her back. I had to give it a go. Moving to slide my hands over her form I lightly tugged at my t-shirt, that she was wearing. Gripping the edges I pulled it over her head, and she let me. Her eyes devoid of anything except tears. I know she had run out however, they no longer fell down her cheeks.
She would occasionally snuffle, but that was it. No words. No nothing.
Another tug found her shorts, and panties down her hips. I watched them bunch at her feet, and I knelt to the ground, and pulled first one, and then the other delicately out of the fabric. She was now standing naked as the day she was born in front of me, not struggling, just standing.
I leaned in, and lightly began to trace soft kisses up the line of her inner thigh, all the way to the space between her thighs that I knew better than anything. Better than my own parts. She closed her eyes, and let out a breath as my tongue found her center, tonguing that little bud between her legs that caused her pleasure. I remained on my knees, teasing that little bud, and her fingers found their way into my hair as I teased her. Around and around I twirled my tongue.
“Stay with me, Baby…” I breathed out when I finally retracted my tongue, and received a soft hum. From her lips, but no more. One more tear leaked down her cheek, and she didn’t bother to wipe it away. It must have been the last. She must have been drying up. She had spent so much time crying. She had lost so much water from those precious tears, and I knew she had.
I leaned my head to the side, and began to trail more kisses back down her leg, before I stood to my feet. My hands rose, and I cupped her breasts, rubbing my thumbs against her nipples, feeling them stiffen against the cold air, and she shivered slightly.
Leaning in I stole a kiss from her lips, soft at first, and then rougher. Much like she had stolen from me this afternoon. I was sick for using my body as comfort, and using hers as a way to bring her back to me.
The doctor wasn’t wrong. I was sick, and I had so much shame because of it, but my sister would always bring me back to the dark precipice of disgust, and easily drag me over. The sole reason was because I loved her. More than anything in this world I fucking loved her.
She could request any feat, and none would be too great, because I worshipped the ground she walked on, and if the only way to bring her back to me was to make love to her than I would bring her back. She had pleaded with me earlier to bring her back, and to keep her here, and now I would come through on such a raw promise. I couldn’t do anything less. She deserved so much better than me, but I couldn’t help it.
She needed me, and she was my weakness. The only existing weakness that I harbored day, and night no matter how much time passed. She was always going to be it, and god was it ever sick, but I couldn’t help it. Wrong didn’t even begin to register in my mind right now. All I knew was that my sister was in distress, and her mind was calling out to mine. Needing me.
I moved to grip her waist, lifting her I laid her back against the bed sheets, and within seconds I had spread her legs, wrapping them around my hips. I was stroking my prick preparing myself to be with her. Knowing that I needed her, as much as she did me.
I dipped my head, and stole a kiss from her lips, before I pulled back, “Return to me, Belle. C’mon…” I slid my prick inside of her all at once, and received a light whimper from her lips.
She was still staring up at me blankly however. I began to thrust into her, hard. Fighting with myself to bring her back, yearning to, praying too. Tears were in my own hues by this point, and she made little noises because I was inside of her, but she wasn’t speaking, wasn’t saying my name. She was just whimpering.
“Come back….Baby…Please!” I breathed softly against her lips, fighting, and struggling with every thrust to bring her back. Yearning to make it better. God I needed her. I couldn’t lose her to this painful night. Every thrust brought more whimpers from her lips, and she started to moan for me. I slid my hand between her legs, and began to grind my thumb against her clit. “I will give you more babies…more children…just please come back…”
I was so desperate I said those words. She had to know from whatever dark, and distant corner of her psyche she had fled to, that I wouldn’t say such word lightly. That I must be desperate. She had to know, after all the guilt, and hatred I built inside of me, that I wouldn’t promise her more children if I didn’t need her to come back. If I wasn’t desperate, and needy myself.
Tears poured down my cheeks, and finally as the last few thrusts were given to her, and I released my seed into her womb I felt her lean up, and kiss my lips. Tasting them, and fiercely biting them. I released a whimpering sigh of relief, and before I could think, or speak she was flipping me onto my back, and riding me. Making me hers, and forcing my orgasm to double, triple, quadruple. Making me spill inside of her, and lose all my sanity doing it. Making me everything she wanted me to be. Making me hers. And in that moment I knew I hadn’t lost her. I knew she was still there, and that the severed pieces wouldn’t be lost forever.