The Monsters We Hide

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Chapter 13

I woke up late and once again, I was worried about being late for school, but then I remembered what happened. I was still suspended. I groaned inwardly. This was going to be a long week.

Gage and I ended up staying home last night. We spent all night watching movies, cuddling, and sometimes making out, but I wasn't going much further than that.

The way it worked was, when you had sex with the person you wanted to mate with, you could easily bite their neck in the process and then they're all yours. I felt like if I ever do that, I would lose control and bite him on instinct, even if they weren't the one I wanted.

There were three parts of the mating process. First, you do the "big deed". Second, you bite each other at the curve or hollow of the neck. Lastly, you must perform the binding ritual. Not necessarily in that order though.

The binding ritual is a ceremony that is held in front of the entire pack. You must take the knife of power and slice your palm just enough that blood will trickle. The mate will do the same and then you join hands and say your vows, stating your promises to your pack and your mate, thus completing the entire mating process.

I got up from the bed, pushing all the thoughts about mating away, and went to take a shower. I took my time, lathering the soap all over my body and slowly rinsing it off. I started humming a random melody and added words to it, making a mental note to pull out my guitar later and figure out the notes.

When I finally stepped out, I went into the closet and pulled on a pair of black leggings with a frilly light gray, off the shoulder crop top. I put on my black ballet flats again and walked out after brushing my long hair.

I walked down stairs, feeling refreshed and happy, thinking about last night. I had thought I was alone until I heard someone clear his throat when I stood looking at the food in the fridge for a few moments too long. I turned my head to see Logan come into the kitchen. He was smiling at me and I was already smiling so I let him assume that it was for him.

"Someone's in a good mood today," he said. I smiled wider and turned to look back in the fridge.

"That was a beautiful song you were singing by the way. What was it called?" I felt my cheeks flush, embarrassed that he heard me in the shower.

I wasn't really a shy person. I could handle dirty jokes and inappropriate language and compliments pretty well, but I was a little hesitant to let other people hear my music.

"Um… thanks," I mumbled, burying my head in the fridge. I grabbed the milk and decided that I'd eat a quick bowl of cereal. I grabbed the Lucky Charms from the cabinet and poured it into a bowl and drowned it in milk.

I sat at the counter and a moment later, the chair slid back and Logan sat beside me. We sat in a comfortable silence as I ate my breakfast.

Logan's velvety voice sliced through the thick silence in the room. "Will you go somewhere with me?" I cocked an eyebrow and stared at him quizzically.

"Where?"

"I just wanted to drive around and see if we could find anything interesting to do. We have nothing better to do. Unless you were going somewhere again." His eyes darkened for a fraction of a second, but after he blinked, they were a clear blue gray color once more.

"Sure," I said. Once I rinsed my dishes in the sink, we headed outside and he got in one of the cars that the pack shared. Most of us had our own cars, except me, but the pack had two extra's for backup situations.

We drove around aimlessly for awhile, stopping every now and then to look at landmarks around town. When it was time for lunch, Logan stopped at a small diner that I had never even heard of. I glanced at him and asked the question that had been playing on my mind all day.

"Why are you being so… nice to me today?" He looked confused at my question and I sighed before explaining my question further. "Why aren't you being mean, overbearing, arrogant, a jackass, a prick, rude-"

"I get the point," he interrupted, the corners of his mouth pulling up with his ghost smile. Then it faded away and he took a deep breath. "I just want to make things right. I know that it was shaky in the beginning, but we're adults so it's time we started acting like it. Besides, we're part of a pack now, so we might as well become… friends." It seemed like he had to forcefully push the last word out through his teeth and I grimaced.

Did he really hate me that much? He tore his eyes away from the steering wheel and looked at me with his penetrating stare.

"So, can we start over?"

I studied his handsome face for a few moments. Finally, I nodded. He smiled then got out of the car and I quickly followed suit. He opened the door for me and we walked in. There were women walking around in white outfits and black aprons. When we sat down, one of the younger ones approached our table.

The top few buttons of her white button up blouse were undone and her impressive bust was showing off her cleavage. She threw a warm, seductive smile at Logan as she flipped her blonde hair and looked at him with her green eyes.

"Anything I can get you? On or off the menu," she said with a wink. I felt bile rise in my throat and I wanted to smack the whore. Not out of an act of possessiveness over Logan, but because she was disgracing our gender and being the stereotypical slutty blonde waitress that you see in movies.

Logan looked up from the menu and stared me with a soft smile, completely ignoring the woman. I smiled in satisfaction that he didn't even look tempted to glance at her breasts. "What would you like, Shyanne?"

I saw the woman's face fall but she reluctantly looked at me. "Um, I'll take a cheeseburger with fries and an iced sweet tea, please," I told her. She jotted down my order and turned her attention back to Logan.

"What about you, sugar?"

"I'll have the same," he responded. She smiled and nodded then leaned into whisper, "If you need anything else, let me know." With that, she stood and walked away. I smirked with a hint of a lopsided smile. "I'm impressed," I told him.

"I'm flattered. But why, exactly?"

I chuckled at his oblivion. "That woman was practically throwing herself at you and you didn't even bat an eye in her direction," I praised.

His smile widened but his eyes held complete seriousness as he said "That's because I am loyal to only one woman." My eyebrows raised in surprise. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend. I quickly glanced down at the ring finger of his left hand, making sure it was empty.

"Oh really? Is that why you kissed me yesterday?" His expression remained neutral and he didn't hesitate when he answered.

"That's exactly why I kissed you yesterday," he stated calmly. My eyebrows furrowed together, trying to decipher his meaning. I was about to ask but the waitress came back with our drinks and food. She set our plates down in front of us but walled away without another word, her expression aggravated.

I turned my attention away from her and began eating. I took a bite of the burger and groaned in pleasure. This was the best cheeseburger I have ever eaten! I looked up and Logan was staring at me, amusement visible on his face. I swallowed the mouthful of food and took a sip of my drink.

"So tell me about yourself Shyanne," Logan said after we finished eating in silence. I was still nursing my drink and I pulled my lips away from the straw.

"Like what," I asked. He shrugged his broad shoulders.

"Anything. I just want to get to know you better." I bit my bottom lip as I thought about it.

"Um, well my birthday is next Saturday, but we don't usually do much for it. I like to draw and listen to music. My favorite color is blue and I like dancing, but I'm not good at it." He actually fascinated about everything I was saying. He sat up and leaned both of his elbows on the table.

He started asking me a bunch of random questions, which I answered dutifully. When he seemed to pause, trying to think of more questions, I jumped at the opportunity to turn the attention away from me.

"Enough about me," I said. "What about you? What do you like to do in your free time?"

"I like to sculpt," he said indifferently. My eyes widened.

"Seriously? That's cool," I exclaimed. "What about your family? What were they like?" I was curious to know where this mysterious lycan came from. He stared intensely at me for a few beats and I was about to reluctantly ask a different question when he avoided my gaze but he started speaking.

"My family wasn't very gracious. None of them accepted me because I was so different from them. I acted differently and I didn't believe in their values or customs. They said that lycans were dangerous. They had to be, because that's what they were made for. Danger."

"I wanted to prove them wrong. Prove to them that we didn't have to be vicious murderers and killers. Prove that we could control ourselves if we tried hard enough. It wasn't always easy. We're usually very ill tempered, but I pushed through it. After awhile, they chose to ignore me and then they cast me out of the pack, leaving me to defend for myself ever since I was fifteen."

"Even though I probably won't see them anymore, I still want to prove that I can do it. That I don't have to be the cold, vicious savage that they make us out to be. That's why I came to your pack. I felt bad about killing Cody because it went against all the morals I had made for myself, but I knew you guys wouldn't accept me any other way."

He had kept his eyes on his glass the whole time he was talking, tracing the rim of the cup whilst speaking. I lifted my hand and placed it over his. I felt pity for him and I wanted to help him somehow. I understood him a little better now. He looked up at me and sighed.

"Don't look at me like that," he grumbled.

"Like what," I asked softly.

He shook his head lightly, his eyes never leaving mine. "Like that. Like you feel sorry for me. I don't want your pity Shyanne." He flipped his hand so our palms were facing each other and clasped my hand in his. He gave it two quick pumps and then just held it. He brought his other hand over and treated tracing my knuckles lightly with his fingertips.

"What are you doing this weekend," he asked quietly.

My mouth tilted up at the corners, thinking of what Gage had asked of me last night before I left his room. "I'm going out on a date," I said, smiling. Logans grip on my hand tightened and his fingers stopped trailing over mine.

I looked up in alarm to see that his eyes were darkened by what looked like pain, fear, and anger. He was trembling now and I tensed. I hoped he didn't shift right here in front of all these people. I squeezed his hand to remind him where we were and he calmed down a little. He squeezed his eyes shut and when he opened them again, a cold expression took over his soft and gentle features from a couple moments ago.

"Logan," I whispered. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" He shook his head and I was surprised to find that I was actually worried about him. "Let's go, Shyanne." He dropped the money on the table and then stood up to leave. I got up with him and we both walked back out to the car.

When we were buckled in, Logan threw the car in drive and sped out of the lot. I wanted to ask what was wrong, but he looked angry and on the edge of losing control, so I figured it best to leave him be.

We arrived back at the mansion in under ten minutes. Neither of us spoke as we got out of the car. I pulled out my phone and saw that it was almost four thirty. Gage should be back by now. Before we stepped inside, I grabbed his arm, but even my long skinny fingers couldn't wrap around his thick, muscled forearm. He looked down at my hand for a moment before looking back up to meet my eyes.

"What happened?" He didn't respond, just kept staring with his piercing eyes. "You were just fine a few minutes ago but now you won't even speak to me?"

He took a deep breath and said "I just need time to calm down Shyanne. I don't want to hurt anyone." I studied him for a moment then nodded and let go of his arm so he could walk in the house and I followed after him.

I didn't feel like seeing Gage right now. All I could think about was how much I already missed Logan.

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