Mom nodded slowly, like she was deciding how to continue, not expecting my knowledge of Lucille. I remembered Xavier telling about him coming back right after his child was born, only to find Lucille and her pack slaughtered. I squeezed my eyes shut, holding back the tears that threatened to cascade down my face as the image of so many innocent people were murdered.
"Yes," she said. "Your father is here too. I wanted to come clean about everything before you found out the hard way."
"So Xavier is my father?"
This time, she seemed surprised that I knew that information. She nodded and said "Yes. How did you know it was him?" I was trying to put the puzzle pieces together in my head, so it took a few seconds to answer.
"He was telling me the story of how he was experienced with Caster wolves. His mate was a Caster wolf, and she had just had their child. Before he could come home from a trip of visiting his family, she stayed with her pack and when he arrived they were all slaughtered. Does that mean that he thinks I'm dead?"
She nodded slowly again. Then, she said "That's kind of another thing I want to talk to you about. Your necklace? It was a gift from your mother, but she had given it to me. She told me of its power but said that it wouldn't affect me, since wolfsbane wouldn't work on me. I knew that what she had been doing as a Caster wolf was what put her in danger, and you were descended from one, so I didn't want you to be in harm's way."
"I gave you the necklace to protect you and faked a letter from your mother so that I could be reassured that you'd always wear it. Now that I look back on it, I might have taken it a little too far, but Shyanne, you're my only daughter. You are the daughter that I had always wanted and I wanted to make sure that you were safe. I'm sorry for lying to you, I regret it everyday."
I processed everything she was telling me, waiting for the anger and betrayal to settle in, but it never came. I couldn't blame her because I would probably do the same if I was in that situation. Protecting my family at all costs. That's what I was doing now. I knew that I would die and I kept it to myself. I did it for them because no matter how wrongly they treated me in the past, I still loved them.
"Should we tell him? Xavier, I mean," I said.
She nodded her head and said "Yes. I think you should. But the how and when is up to you, dear." I took a deep breath. "Logan knows," I said, more as a statement rather than a question.
"Yes. I just told him before you came in," she said.
I stood up and looked down at Mom. "Well, I'm going to go talk to Logan so he can help me figure this out," I told her. She didn't say anything when I turned and walked out of the door.
Logan and I were talking about it in our bedroom after Mom left, discussing our options. He didn't think that we should tell him quite yet, and I wanted to know why.
"He's already going through so much, love. His pack is in danger of being wiped out and now they're counting on a couple more lycans and a Caster wolf who barely knows how to use her power to save them all. That's a lot to carry on someone's shoulders," Logan insisted.
I looked up sharply at him with an accusing expression. "You don't think I can do it? I know that I'm new at this but I'm learning quickly," I defended. He took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, like I was giving him a headache.
"I didn't say that. You're twisting my words Shyanne."
I'm not twisting his words. I'm just reading between the lines. I got up and walked to where he stood by the door. I grabbed his hand from his face and pulled it away to lace our fingers together. I looked down at our hands and mumbled.
"I think that we should tell him sooner rather than later. Before…" before I die. "...everything happens. Maybe it'll give him something to be happier about. Cheer him up a little."
He tilted my chin up with his other hand and met my eyes. "If you think it's better that way, then I won't argue. It's your decision," he said quietly. I nodded and he bent down for our lips to meet. He pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine. "I love you," he said, making me smile.
"I love you too."
I timidly knocked on the door that they had directed me too, feeling nervous and anxious about what may come next. A few seconds later, he opened the door, and stood there with his deep blue eyes looking into my similar ones. It was almost midnight now and I could see his ruffled bedhead hair, but I needed to tell him before I lost the nerve.
"Is something wrong," he asked huskily, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. I bit my lip and looked down, becoming unsure.
"Um, no. But it's important. I need to tell you something."
His eyebrows knitted together in concern and curiosity. He stood back, opening the door wider for me to enter. I walked in and he gestured for me to have a seat. His room was bigger than ours and it had a little sofa on the opposite wall from the giant bed. It must be so lonely to have a massive bed like that all to yourself.
I sat on the sofa and he sat on the other end. I pulled my legs up and turned sideways to face him while sitting cross legged. He waited for me to began and I squeezed my eyes shut, mentally preparing myself.
"So, you know all about the tragic day that you came home to find your wife and family killed. What happened to the baby?"
He looked surprised at the direction this conversation seemed to be heading. "I'm assuming that the baby was killed too," he said sadly.
"But you didn't find the body?" He shook his head in answer. "That was twenty-four years ago. My mother gave me away to save me, because she knew that they were in danger. Because she was a Caster wolf. My mother was killed by a pack of Lycans."
He tilted his head, wondering where I was going with this. "Xavier… you're my father. Lucille was my mother. Lucille gave me to Elizabeth to protect me from the lycans that were coming." His mouth stood agape as he looked at me, his eyes scouring over my face repeatedly.
"I'm your father? Are you sure?" I nodded. He stared at me in disbelief for a few moments until suddenly he moved forward, pulling me in for a hug. I reflexively hugged him back and he held me like he was never letting go again.
"This is insane," he mumbled. I pulled back with a questioning look. "I mean, it's just that I finally meet my daughter, but it's weird because you look the same age as me. Please don't call me Dad though. That would just be even weirder." I laughed and it felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest, which I was grateful for.
Maybe, everything would be alright. But then another thought occured to me. Wouldn't it just hurt him even more when I did, bow that he knows I'm his daughter? I was in a giant mess and I had only myself to blame.