I Gasp for air. I can't breath. I can't breath! I shoot out of my bed, my legs buckling under me. My body drops to the icey cement floor. I can feel the panic set in. Pulling me into it's grip. Anchoring itself to me dragging me down to its bottomless pit. Suffocating me. "Don't freak out." I scream in my head. My lungs feel as if they're on fire. Focus. Focus! I plead with thoughts. Where is it! It feels like hours go by. Thump. Thump. The sound fills my ears like hoof beats from 1000 wild horses. Thump thump. Just a dream. It was just a dream. Breathe. I pull air in my chest with such force my arms collapsed under me, my face smashing into the floor. My throat singes from the pain. Slowly I reach a hold of my wooden bedframe to reposition. I wrapp my arms around myself and begin to gently Rock back and forth in a attempt to self sooth. My heart races in my chest. It was just a dream. Breathe. I grip onto my mattress pulling myself onto my feet, I Perch onto my windowsill, My back against the wall, my knees at my chest. Just watching. I love how the trees sway. How the stars sprinkle the sky. This is how I start everyday. I attempt to Breathe in as much as I can from the woods outside my room. I haven't been outside in forever. I miss it. The freshness. The pine smell. The dirt. The freedom. I sit here all night.
I don't think I was given that part of my brain that enjoys dozing off to sleep. I just wasn't born with it I guess. I've never been one to love my dreams, to whisk my way to my bed. I've never been one to pray the day goes by quick just so I can finally lull off to Dreamland. Sleep has never been my peace. I envy those who don't seem to think twice about counting their sheep. It's just never been me. I do love the night. The stars and the chilled breeze it brings. I love the moon light and the quiet hours that follow it. I love that everyone goes to their own space leaving me alone. I love what the night represents. A Clean-slate coming. A new day is just a single rising sun away. For me night time is the best time. I think being a werewolf might have something to do with my love for the night.
If I can even call myself that. My father doesn't seem to think so. A werewolf that can't shift is a absolute embarrassment to my pack. To my father. I can see the spatters of sun rays falling through my curtains to interrupt my night. Day brake means good things. It just doesn't mean good things for me. I turn my legs from my windowsill and rest them on the floor. I take a deep breath in and let it register. I let out a deep sigh and pull myself to my feet. I am already dressed for the new day, I walk to my door to take a quick look to double check everything is in order with my appearance. My father has strict rules on what the world is allowed to see. I have black hair that is thick and curly that I keep pulled back tight into a braided bun. I have porcelain skin and golden brown eyes with flakes of green woven into them. I'm thicker than alot of the girls in my pack and shorter too. I slipped my shoes on when I'm sure every stray hair is neat and confident my appearance meets the demands of my father. I checked the clock, any second now. Knock knock. I open my bedroom door to see him leaning on The frame of it smiling. Shane.
If you didn't know him and just left It at his looks he would seem like just another cute boy. Shane is pretty on the outside. He is tallish close to 6 ft, muscles in his arms and chest. He has deep brown eyes and dirty blonde hair that shaggs over his forehead. I once thought he had a nice smile. But now that smile just sends a chill thru me. Shane is my adopted brother. He came in to my life one day after my mother died. His the beta for my father. "good morning hundur" his voice in a sing song way. Hundur comes from our ancestral language meaning dog. His little nickname he gave me, since I'm not wolf. Just a mut. " Good morning Shane" I say simply. " "Father is waiting for you in the bunker" he gives me a tilt of the head to say come on. We wine down the hallways back towards my father's office in silence. I keep my face down and eyes on the floor. I wasn't allowed to make eye contact with anyone else besides Shane and my father. Noone was aloud to talk to me or be in my presence anymore. After a few escape attempts I've been punished. The hallways are long and wide with lots of natural light coming in thru the thick windows that surrounds us. The walls on the inside are bare with nothing but light gray paint covering them. No pictures or paintings, no flowers on a shelf. Like the rest of the house it was empty, stripped to bare minimum. Three right turns and his heavy oak doors stands out on our left. Shane grabs the brass handle and we shuffle in. My father is at his desk on his phone nodding with a impatient scrawl. He gives Shane a look, with a nodd of his head, we proceed to the bunker that is adjacent to his office window. A metal staircase descends into darkness, I used to be afraid of this. This is what I used to see in my nightmares the staircase and the darkness. But I'm not afraid of it anymore. I know exactly how many steps until we reach the bottom, 31. I know exactly what my shoes are going to sound like against the metal floor at each step. And I know exactly where the light switch will be. I also know exactly what's going to be waiting for me down here.. it doesn't scare me to be injected anymore. I know what the wolfsbane will feel like. Every day I get a shot of it. So does Shane and my father. Jerret believes that we will eventually become immune to wolfsbane poison. he believes that we will be immune to silver as well. And has been working at this everyday all of my life. I get a injection of wolfsbane that has been increased over the years and a small cut from a silver blade everyday. The wolfsbane poison doesn't effect me like it used to so maybe he's right about this. As for the cut from the blade, I still can't heal from it fast enough for his liking. When we reach the bottom I flick the light switch and take my seat at the metal examination table. I keep my eyes on the floor, I can hear Shane head to the safe, his fingers on the code. I hear it open. The steal doors sway with a bit of grit.. Shane grabbing the bottle of liquid bane and the ruffles of plastic that stays around the silver knife. I hear my father slam the phone down on the receiver and let out a loud howell in anger. I hear him curse under his breath and his office chair slide out behind him, I hear him walk to the edge of the stairs and I hear his start to descend. Shane keeps on not batting and eye he inserts the syringe into the vial of wolfsbane he pulls the plunger into the correct dosage. I hold out my right arm as he makes his way to me. He grabs my wrist forcefully and daggers the injection into my arm. He watches my face for the pain to flood it. That was his favorite part. I know because he told me himself. Shane loves to be the one to inflect pain on anyone he could. He shows his disappoinment oover my lack of emotion with a growl from his chest. I grab the Hem of my dress and pull it up to just above my knee when Shane slapps my hands away. He jerks my dress higher then he needed. now exposing the line of my panties. With his left hand he takes hold of my thigh sinking his claws into my flesh. His eyes burning a hole into me. I wince just enough to please him. quickly he grabbs the knife exposing its razor edge and slicing onto my upper thigh. I let out a small gasp and tssssk in pain. He went in deeper then needed. My father's voice groaned in disapproval as I bleed from around the knifes edge. I hadn't noticed he was right beside Shane untill just then. Shane pulls the blade out and covers my new wound with a small roll gauze. when I move my eyes from the floor I noticed my knuckles have gone white from clenching the examination table so tightly. That was my trick for the most part, it helped hide as much as it could. He lets go of my thigh to wipe the knife off and roll it back into the plastic bag. When his hands wrap around the glass bottle of wolfsbane his nails click against it sending a small ting into our crisp silence . He places both back into the safe. He throws the injection needle into the trash bin. I hear my father's steps as he stomps up the stairs. I hear shanes steps follow up with his. I rush as I wrapp my leg in the bandage before Ilower gently off the table and head out as well. I click the light switch and count my steps in the darkness. As I finish counting and back into my father's office I see anger bubbling in him so close to the surface I'm afraid he will erupt at the slightest move. The scowl he permanently seems to keep seems even more so drawn. I stand near the window and wait for him to speak. But to my surprise it's Shane that cuts our silence first. "If you please, I can go alone." His voice seems to hold some pride riddled in his words. " No" my father answers plainly. Shane's body tenses up. I look up to see jerret focused into Shane. his salt-and-pepper hair that's been ground into a buzz cut, his angry wrinkles around his eyes and the deep color of purple that is underneath. his tight-lipped mouth that was starting to lose its elasticity and sag down. " We all will have to go. Each of us offering our allegiance." His voice reminds me of a snake wrapping around it's newst victim strangling the last breath from it's helpless chest. " It is tradition. We will be going. We have to leave today. Go and handle your duties that remain. Meet us at the gate. One hour. " My father shoots a vexxing glare at Shane as he stands and leaves the room. My father turns his attention towards me, he stands turned to my place in the room. "Grace listen up and listen good. you will go to your room and pack a bag. We will be leaving in one hour for the capital. You will be at the gate waiting." I nodd my head in obedience. " When we arrive into the capital, you will not speak to anyone . The one exception being the moment you swear your allegiance to the new alpha That will be all you say. If you step out of line if you make a single mistake. If you cast any shade of embarrassment on this pack the punishment you will receive will be unlike anything you've seen so far." I nodd once again to show my obedience. " Leave" he grunts. I don't take a breath untill I'm back into my room and my door is safely shut behind me.