OK, this is getting annoying. It’s been a week since that jävla Nathan left. Gone. Spoof. Not here. Then why the hell am I waking up every fucking day with a hard-on, after having spent the night dreaming about him? Hot, steamy dreams. The kind of dreams I haven’t had for a long time.
I go for the millionth cold shower of the last week. I am completely ignoring the erection between my legs. No way I am going down that road again. Thankfully the cold water helps. For now.
I wrap a towel around my waist and go out. I have a few things to do today but it all seems so trivial. I wasn’t shitting Ava. I get easily bored and it has been eerily quiet lately. That’s when I hear my phone ring. I grab it and look at the caller ID. Be careful what you wish for...
It’s Nathan. Why is he calling? And should I answer? I know I want to. But it might not be a good idea. If he wants to see me or...?
“Yeah,” I decide to risk it.
“Pretty boy, glad I caught you.”
I remember the last time we were together. It was not a date but it has been a while I have been out with someone I find hot. Not simply hot. That is easy to find in California. But alluring like Nathan? Dangerously seductive? Daringly sensual down to that glint in his eyes? No, that is not someone you meet everyday. Could he be calling me to just hang out?
“I need your help.”
Ah. Help. That’s all I am to everyone. A crafty motherfucker that can solve problems behind his laptop. A machine. A program. Do they even see a person? Am I a person anymore? Even when I want to relax, I grab my camera and hide behind the lens, capturing other people living or I grab the controller and get lost in the game.
I know I sound angry. I want to sound angry. I am fucking angry.
“Hey, what got your panties twisted?”
“What the fuck do you want?” I bark.
“Nothing,” his voice gets even. “I will figure this out on my own.”
Damn it! Why do I feel bad now? I don’t like hearing him like that and I am annoyed that I hate the fact that if I let him, he will hang up. And I don’t want him to.
“I doubt that, old man,” I try to sound softer this time. “Spill.”
“No, it’s fine. Bet you got better things to do.”
“Are you nagging me right now? Tell me what you need. After all, Tor said I have to help you out.”
“Have to?” Nathan chuckles. “I am an obligation then?”
“Do you want my fucking help or not?”
“Then fucking tell me cause I haven’t got all day. And don’t you dare spout any more bullshit.”
“Wow, bossy this morning, are we?”
“You got a problem with that?”
“I am used to being the one bossing around,” he says and his voice drops a few octaves.
That was an open innuendo if I ever heard one. And my dick catches up quickly. Any poor effect the cold shower had evaporated the moment I picture Nathan pushing me and having his way with me. Granted, I am too used to be the one doing the bossing but right now I would give my right arm to feel how being handled to Nathan’s pleasure.
“Well,” I hope I am not sounding breathless again, “I don’t give a flying fuck.”
“I am sure you don’t, pretty boy,” he says and I hear the sarcasm in his voice.
I guess I was panting again.
"Fan ta dig,” I swear.
“I guess you said something to offend me but I kind of love those Swedish coming out of your mouth.”
He can’t be actually flirting, can he? Do I want him to? And since when my whole life has become a series of questions?
“Bye, old man,” I get ready to hang up than deal with whatever this is.
“OK OK OK,” he hastens to add. “I need your help.”
I say nothing.
Somewhere deep inside I enjoy hearing him beg me. The image in my mind reverses. Now I am the one using him the way my dick sees fit. The tent under my towel gets bigger just thinking about that.
“Come on, Stig, I will owe you.”
I like my name with his deep voice. I am wondering how it would be to hear his voice in my ear while he stands behind me and has my dick in his hand, stroking me till I-
Jävla skit! I need to keep clear of him. I really need to. Then why don’t I want to?
“Twice,” I grunt in frustration.
“What’s that, pretty boy?”
“That’s twice you’ll owe me.”
“You can collect anytime,” he rasps and he doesn’t even bother to hide the innuendo.
Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.
“Are you in town?”
“No, I am still in L.A. but I can be there tomorrow. Are you an early riser?”
“Not really. Meet me at noon at the donut place. You remember where that is?”
“How could I forget? It was our first date.”
I smile. I can’t help it with that playful tone in his manly voice. My logic says that I am playing with fire here. A fire that could burn us both. But it’s been so long, so damn long.
“Meet you there, old man,” I hang up.
Skit, I look down at my hard-on. I huff and go back to the shower.
This is almost how it started with him. Light and funny. My skills were what brought us together as well. I am starting to think that my gift is also a curse but then again I guess that’s the case with everything.
I was new in Japan, a gaijin, a foreigner. And because that’s probably my nature, I ended up working for the Yakuza. Not in their inner circle or anything but like an outside contractor. And Takeshi was my liaison to them.
Takeshi. The thought of him comes back to haunt me. It’s even worse than it was one week ago. This situation with Nathan brought back memories. No. Nightmares.
We worked together and he showed me around the chaos of Tokyo. He was the most handsome boy I’ve ever met. Even if I didn’t already know I was gay, I would have found out the moment I laid my eyes on him. There was no denying his boyish charms. Later, he said the same thing about me.
No one knew of course. We kept going out, having fun, even pretending to flirt with some girls. But behind closed doors, he was mine and I was his.
With the pretense of him wanting to keep an eye on me, I went and lived in his place. It was the best month of my life.
I should have known better. The walls in Japan are made of paper. There was no way of keeping a secret.
They came one night in Takeshi’s home. It’s me they wanted. They needed me to do a dirty job - dirtier than usual anyway - but didn’t know if they could trust me. They have found their leverage. A sword over Takeshi’s head.
I had to do as they ask and leave Japan forever. I had to keep their secret and do not ever attempt to get back at them. To make me remember that they run a blade over Takeshi’s neck. One drop of blood. That’s all it took for me to fold. Worse things would happen to him if I ever acted out.
I did what they wanted and left hoping that would be enough to keep Takeshi safe. I came to San Francisco trying to get a job in Silicon Valley, keep it clean. But it was not for me. When I found the Riders, I finally settled. and have never even contacted Takeshi ever again. I haven’t tracked him online.
I learned my lesson. Do not ever get involved with anyone, never let others know and everyone would be fine.
But with Nathan, I am coming dangerously close to breaking that rule.