Always Together

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Chapter 117

Wedging my hands between us, I place them on his chest and attempt to create distance between us. But grabbing my wrists, he pushes my hands away from his chest and locks them behind my back.

Holding my hands in his one, he wraps his fingers around the back of my neck pulling me impossibly closer to him. The grip on my hands tightens when I try to move away from him, while he presses himself against me forcing me to walk backward.

All this while, his lips never leave mine.

He releases my hands and settles his hand on my back while his other hand covers the back my head when he shoves me against the wall.

Entrapping me, between himself and the wall, he slides his hands from my shoulders towards my wrists, holding my hands he guides them around his neck.

My heart clenching and unclenching with each brush of his lips against mine.

His kiss stirs the feelings which I have nearly forgotten, along with the ones which are too painful to forget.

Every kiss that we have shared flashes behind my closed eyes, making me live all those beautiful emotions all over again.

However, tears gather in my eyes while my heart twists painfully when I recall our last kiss which tainted every beautiful moment that we have shared.

Grabbing his shoulders, I push him away forcefully as a small whimper leaves my lips whereas my heart feels like it will burst any moment.

He staggers back, looking completely stunned. He seems not only surprised by my reaction, but also the way he has reacted.

He opens his mouth to say something but shuts when he notices my tears stricken face. The tears continue to stream from my eyes one after another. For so long I was keeping them at bay, but now it seems like a dam has broken.

“Avery...” He takes a careful step towards me.

“Why have you said all those words to me, Alec?” Sliding down the wall, I hold my head in my hands as his words echo in my mind. “How could you be so merciless? Not even once you thought how you are tearing me apart?” My body wrecks with the cries which were withering me from inside throughout all these years.

“You know, I never meant anything which I had said.” He swallows while his voice comes out as a whisper, “Everything that came out of my mouth was a lie.”

“I know it was all just an act, and whatever you said was a lie.” I press my lips together to get hold of my emotions, “But the pain that I have felt was real, the tears which I have cried were real... nothing was a lie.”

“Why?” My voice cracks, as anger and hurt flares inside me, “Why did you never trust me?”

“I have trusted you with my heart, my soul, my everything.” Clenching my jaws, I glare at him, “Couldn’t you have just trusted me for once?”

“I am sorry...” His regretful eyes lock with mine, forcing a new set of tears to spring in my eyes. “I was afraid and weak...” He breathes.

“I would have been your strength... I would have held your hand and helped you overcome all your fears.” I whisper, truthfully, “I would have never let you fallen weak, Alec, but you never gave me a chance...”

“Will you be able to forgive me?” He asks quietly, his eyes never leaving mine.

“Wrong question, Alec.” I shake my head while biting my lip. “The question should be, will I be able to forgive myself?"

“Because I can’t.” Swallowing, I wipe my tears with the heel of my palms, “I can’t forgive myself for not being there for you when you were alone. For letting you bear all the pain when I could have shared your pain with you.” Leaning my head back on the wall, I close my eyes.

“Don’t say like this.” The gentle touch of his hands makes me open my eyes letting the tears which are trapped behind my eyes stream down my cheeks.

He is sitting in front of me... just a few inches away from me. But an invisible wall of pain is dividing us.

“It is my fault for not sharing the truth with you when that was the right thing to do...” He sighs, “I wish I could have understood this back then that being completely truthful to you is also a way of protecting you. I should have given you the choice, which was your right, instead of taking a reckless decision because of my fears.”

“I trusted you, Alec.” My eyes connect with his eyes while we both share our pain with each other, “Just like every time, even that day I trusted you. I choose to believe every word that you have said to me, even when somewhere I knew there’s no truth in them.”

“I forced you to believe all those words.” A heartbroken smile tilts his lips, “I said the things which I knew would hurt you the most. I played with your feelings and trust, Avery. Because I was a selfish person who was just thinking about himself... his pain.”

“Even now I am a selfish person, and I am thinking about myself, that is why I am not going to let you go.” He shakes his head adamantly, “I have already lost so much, now I am not going to lose anything anymore. I love you more than words could express, and my heart is not strong enough to bear the pain of being away from you.” His eyes show the determination, the same determination which is laced around his words

“Please don’t say that you love me.” Shifting my eyes over his shoulder, I stare blankly ahead, “This word love it terrifies me. I hate this love because it ruined my life. Because if you haven’t loved me then you would not have left me. And even now I am afraid because of your love you will leave me again and I will be alone.”

“Why can’t you believe what I have said?” He asks sounding slightly agitated, “I can’t leave you and I will not leave you. I did a mistake, however, I will not repeat my mistake again.”

“Alec, last time I believed your words it separated us for six years.” Looking back at him, I let out a small sigh, “So, even I am not going to repeat my mistake when I want to give our relationship another try.”

I am deeply hurt, but this doesn’t mean I don’t want things to work between us.

There is no denying somewhere we both are miserable without each other. Emotionally, we depend on each other and the connection we have can’t be just overlooked.

If he needs me, even I need him as well. So, I am doing this for myself too.

“Why do you want to give us a chance again?” His tone turns utmost serious, without any trace of humor.

“For us,” I reply earnestly, “Because I believe what we had, deserves another chance. You and I, have suffered a lot but now it is time that we should face our obstacles together.”

Slowly, a smile spread across his face vanishing all the earlier traces of despair from his face.

“We.” He repeats the word and smile to himself, “I love the sound of this.”

“You know, what other sound you would love the most?” I arch an eyebrow as he looks at me waiting for me to continue, “The sound of my fist connecting with your face if this time you messed up. And please keep this thing in mind, I am not going to go anywhere or leave you to let you live peacefully. However, I promise, I am going to make your life a living hell if I found out you are hiding anything from me again or if you ever try to make choices for me.”

He nods his head, still smiling.

Standing up, he extends his hand towards me and pulls me on my feet by grabbing my hand. Then as usual without any warning, he engulfs me in his arms.

“Thank you.” He whispers, his hold tightens on me. “Thank you so much for looking past my mistakes and also for giving us another chance.” His voice lightly wavers, giving away how much this means to him.

The invisible burden lifts off my chest, confirming my thoughts that I made the right choice. Although I am aware that everything can’t get back to the way it was, because time has changed us, but what matters the most is that we both are willing to try. We did a lot of mistakes, however, now we are taking our steps in the right direction.

We can’t change our past, but we can change our future.

Maybe one day we will again be the same person who we used to be, or maybe we will turn out to be someone better.

Resting my cheek against his chest, I can’t help but smile... although a very faint one yet I would count the curve of my lips as a heartfelt smile.

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