Walking outside the hospital, I walk towards the far dark corner of the hospital parking lot and sit down on the side of the footpath. I just want to be away from everyone, to get hold of my emotions.
I don’t think my anger is unjustified, my whole life could have been turned upside down because of this accident. I could have lost the person, who showed me how it feels to be loved and cared for.
Pops has been the dad, which my father could never have been for me.
I have blurry memories of my dad, but one thing which I clearly remember is missing him even when he was around. He was always drowned in work and we hardly used to see each other. His death was obviously really painful for me because with his death I lost both of my parents.
But then Pops stepped in and filled that void. He made me realized the real meaning of the father and daughter relationship. Sometimes I feel he loves me more than my own father could have ever loved me.
I sigh and rub my eyes when I feel the moisture in them. I hate crying because I feel it is a sign of vulnerability and I don’t want to be vulnerable.
I turn my head to my right surprisingly when someone sits beside me. I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t realize when Alec has come. Instead of saying anything or even looking in my direction, he silently sits and stares ahead.
“I can’t live without him.” I swallow and quietly say, “These past twenty fours hours were nothing less than the hell for me.”
The slight tilt of his head indicates he is listening to me, while his eyes remain focused ahead.
“I can’t imagine anything happening to him.” My voice cracks, making him turn his head to me.
“I hate that Pops is in the hospital because of some drunk driver.” I clench my jaws getting infuriated, “That guy deserves to suffer, he deserves all the pain, because of his recklessness somebody could have lost their life.”
“I know this makes me an awful person because I want that guy to painfully suffer, but I don’t care. He hurt someone who is close to my heart, for once I can forgive if someone did something against me, but I can’t tolerate if someone tries to hurt my loved ones.” I drag a frustrated hand over my face, then pulling the legs to my chest I settle my chin on my knees.
“This doesn’t make you an awful person.” He lightly shakes his head, “This shows how much you care. Your anger... your annoyance is just your fear. Fear to lose someone who is dear to you.”
“We all have fears, Avery.” His lips lightly twitch upward in a small rueful smile, “But we should not let those fears control us. Fears can blind us and stop us from thinking straight. So, it is important to accept our fears and have power over them.”
“Do you also have fears?” I ask in a small voice.
It is hard to believe someone like him, so strong and intimidating, can be afraid of something. But then again he is human after all, but still, it seems strange to think he can also have fears.
“Of course.” He sighs and nods, “We all do, and I am no different than others.”
“I fear to be alone.” He takes a deep breath and looks away, “Because I think that is how I am going to end up... all alone.” He quietly adds.
His words clench my heart. There is hidden desperation in his words, which I don’t like at all.
“If that is your only fear, then you should say goodbye to it.” I lightly nudge him with my shoulder, jokingly.
“Because as long as I am, I will make sure that you are never alone.” I smile at his stunned look.
Although I don’t know how but, with all my heart, I know that I will never let him be alone. Because I know how it feels to be alone, trust me, it is one of the worst feelings a person can experience.
He looks at my face for any traces of humor. But when he realizes that I am being honest, small and genuine smile makes way onto his face.
“Thank you, for being the way you are,” he says, “And thank you for forgiving me.”
“I know you were mad and you had every right to be.” He sighs, “But there is a reason why I want to keep our friendship a secret. And, Avery, it has nothing to with you.”
I don’t say anything, just wait for him to continue.
“I am a very private person, I don’t trust people easily.” He swallows, “But with you it is different. I feel more like myself.” He slightly smiles.
“I don’t want any negativity of my life fall on you.” He rakes his hand through his hair and rests it at his neck, “People will start bothering you for no reason, which I don’t want. After a very long time, I found a friend, and I don’t want to lose them. That’s is why I don’t want that people notice our friendship.” He looks at me with hesitancy, “It is up to you whether you still want to be my friend or not. I will not force you.” Troubled look settles in his eyes, he quickly turns away his face, but I have already seen it.
Honestly, there are many questions going in my head, but all those seem unimportant at this moment. Nobody has ever tried to put an effort to be in my life, and here he is trying to save our friendship. We all have secrets, and I feel he has more than others, I will not force him to tell me. I will give him time, maybe someday he will trust me enough to let me in.
“Okay, I understand.” I nod my head, “What else can I say other than I am going to be your best secret ever.” I lightly laugh and shrug.
“You are not my best secret.” He shakes his head, biting his lower lip, “You are my firefly.” He smiles.
“Firefly?” My brows pulled together in confusion, “We have literally again become friends a moment ago and you have already given me a weird name.”
“Not weird, but perfect name.” He lightly chuckles, “Fireflies are small in size but have the power to eliminate darkness. You are the ray of light tearing the blackness in which I was drowning.” His face turns serious while his gaze intensely holds mine, “You have the fire inside you and you don’t realize this but it shines so brightly diminishing all the darkness around you.”
“Stop, before I start puking flowers and rainbows.” My face scrunches up in disgust hearing his extra sweet talk. While an unsettled feeling churns my stomach, because of the sincerity behind his words.
“And did you seriously compared me with an insect?” I frown looking at him.
He chuckles and looks down while saying something under his breath.
“Okay, now you should get inside.” He nods his head towards the hospital, “Your Pops might be worrying about you.” He stands up.
I stand up and dust my jeans and glance at him while shifting my weight from one foot to another.
“Call me, if you need anything,” he says and slips his hands in his jeans pockets.
“Only if I need anything?” I raise my eyebrows teasingly.
“Call me, whenever you want.” He chuckles lightly.
Turning on my heels I start to walk back inside the hospital, I have just covered a few meters when I stop, hearing his voice.
“I will be waiting for your call,” he calls and then he walks away in the opposite direction, leaving a smile on my face.