After stepping out of the party instead of going back to my room, I walk outside the hotel. As soon as I am out, I punch the nearby wall without even caring about anything. Because I need to vent out this anger which burning inside me.
Pain flares from my knuckles toward my arm, but anything is better than the feeling of disgust which I felt that accompanied his touch.
Anger and repulse these are the two feelings that are dominating all my emotions.
Again... he is doing it again, trying to make his way into my life. Now everything became clear why he is trying to come close to my son.
He just wants to control me by using my son. Just like once, I was a puppet in his hands because of my stupid feelings for him. I will not let this happen, I will not allow him to toy my son’s feeling for his benefit. Because that is what he knows, to play with emotions for his own good.
He doesn’t know that I am no longer that person who allowed him to destroy her.
He doesn’t matter to me anymore... his truth doesn’t matter to me.
Clenching my eyes shut, I shake my head, trying to get hold of my emotions. I can’t let Liam see me like this, I have to keep my emotions in check.
After I am satisfied that I don’t look like I am about to murder anyone, I returned to my room because I know Liam will wait for me to tuck him in bed.
No matter where I am, or how busy I am, I always make sure to spend time with Liam. I will never let him go through the feeling of neglection which I experienced in my early childhood.
He is always my first priority and will always be.
Opening the door with my key card, I quietly slip inside only to be tackled into a massive hug by my strong five-years-old.
Instantly, all my anger vanishes as my heart feels overwhelmed with love for my son. He is my salvation, my only true happiness in this world.
“Hi, missed mom?” I wrap my hands around his shoulders.
“I missed you so so much.” He feverously nods his head, glancing up at me.
“Even I missed you, I got so bored at the party without my Liam.” I make a sad pout, "It was no fun."
“Let’s do something fun together.” His eyes shine with excitement as he holds my hands and smiles. “like Harry Potter Marathon.”
“Okay.” I smile and nod my head and watch him run to get my laptop.
How much I miss you, Pops, whenever I watch Harry Potter with Liam. In fact, every day I spend with him, I miss you more and more.
How strange it is, all those things which used to be Pops and Avy’s things, and now it has become a part of mommy and Liam’s thing.
Leaning slightly towards the mirror, I apply the second coat of mascara. Blinking my eyes, I let my lashes get used to the weight of the mascara.
A half-bitten chicken sandwich comes in front of my face when I lean back.
My eyes shift to Liam who sitting on the marble sink and watching me get ready for Kris’s wedding as he pushes his sandwich in my direction.
Taking a small bite, I smile at him.
He really takes care of me a lot. He looks after if I had eaten something or not, or when I am working he is more than happy to help me. He loves helping me with household chores. He is the most well-mannered and well-behaved kid until you don't get on his bad side.
However, he is really mischievous and curious. But I can’t complain, he is my own flesh and blood after all.
“You are looking so pretty, mommy.” He smiles, gazing me with the eyes which have so much innocence that make this cruel world bearable for me.
“Even you are looking very handsome.” I raise my eyebrows at him with an impressive smile.
My boy is looking extremely cute and handsome, wearing a white button-up shirt and blue jeans with the black blazer which Jake bought for him.
As always, his hair is falling over his forehead. So for styling them I apply a very little hair cream in my fingers and run them through his hair settling them.
He sniffs cutely when I spritz perfume of myself. He loves the smell of my perfume; he calls it mommy smell.
When I am done, he stretches his arms in my direction. He wraps his arms and legs around me as I carry him to the bedroom while he sniffs my neck.
Soon these moments will be gone, so I want to savor all these moments with him. And treasure each and every moment as much as I can.
“Liam, promise me, you will always give me hugs even when you are big and will not need me anymore.” I press my lips lightly on his forehead.
“I will never stop giving you hugs.” He smiles, “Even when I will be taller than you.”
“But then you will not be able to carry me.” He sadly pouts, making my heart swell with love for him.
“Oh, don’t worry no matter how tall or older you get, I will always carry you in my heart and my arms will always be ready to hold you.” I smile at him, blinking away the tears because I love him so much that it hurts.
“Really? You will be able to do that?” He looks at me in wonder.
“Yes.” I nod my head, still smiling.
“How?” He looks damn cute with a confused expression.
“Because I am your mommy,” I whisper as if I am telling him a secret, “And I can do lots of cool things.”
“You are the best mommy in this world.” He hugs my neck tightly, nearly choking me.
“Liam, baby, I think you should loosen your arms around my neck a little bit.” I pat his back, “Because dead mommy can’t do cool stuff.”
“I love you.” Ignoring my request, he keeps holding me.
“I love you, too.” I manage to say but can’t stop myself from smiling.
I can hold my breath a little longer as I think I need his warm hugs more than I need to breathe.