Silence fell between us as one of my hands toyed idly with his. There was a question burning on my mind at the moment but I was locked in a debate of whether or not I should actually ask. On the one hand, I mean, it’d be nice to know. On the other, would he see me as completely self-centered? Or worse, would he think I was trying to push myself upon him?
“What’s on your mind?” he asked me, startling me so much in the silence that I jumped. A laugh bubbled out of him as he looked at me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I let myself relax. “It’s okay. I got lost in my thoughts is all. Uhm.”
“You do have something you want to ask.”
He studied my gaze for a moment. “But you aren’t sure how I’m going to react.”
Again, I nodded.
“Try this: trust me. I want us to go a long way and the only way that happens is if we open up to each other, completely.”
I knew this, yes. I heard him, too: stop trying to protect his feelings and just be honest with him. Okay. I could do that. Of course that didn’t mean it’d be easy.
“I was wondering…if you think, maybe...uhm...it might feel right…with…with me? Not right now, I swear.” Once I got started, I couldn’t stop. “I mean, I’m interested, ultimately, of course, not saying you’re not desirable. Oh god. I mean you’re very desirable. I just didn’t want to seem like I was push—”
His lips on mine shocked me into silence. He ended up breaking the kiss when a smile broke out on his face.
“Lucas Sullivan, you’ve no idea the pull you have on my heart. It would most definitely feel right with you. Whether we do it now or later, I know in my soul that when we do go all the way, it will be everything I’ve ever dreamed it’d be. You’re my someone special, do you see?”
I had no idea the pull I had on his heart? He had no idea the pull he had on my heart! Before I could tell him this, however, he laid a hand on my cheek and leaned in for another kiss. I melted into it, forgetting everything else.
His hand slid to the crotch of my jeans. The moment I would’ve spent freezing had this been anyone else was spent instead unfastening my jeans so he could get his hand inside. The sensation of being touched by someone else was electrifying; at least, that’s how it felt for me. My breathing caught for a moment, which caused Eli to pull away, hand stilling.
“You okay?” He asked with deep concern.
That concern soothed me. My breath came back, accompanied by a smile.
“I’m good.” Hell, I was more than good.
He smiled in reply. “You know. This might be easier without your pants on. But it’s up to you.”
He was right. Was I ready for that? Looking into his eyes told me that I needn’t be so scared. This was Eli. He would not hurt me.
Trust me, he’d said earlier.
So, I did just that, and I took off my pants. Eli began to move his hand again. As this went on, it began to dawn upon me that this really wasn’t fair to him. Also, in all honesty, I was curious if he was aroused, too. Without thinking, I put my hand on him to find out. He stopped what he was doing and met my gaze. I had withdrawn my hand seconds after I’d felt him, but still the guilt continued.
“I’m sorry. I should’ve asked.”
Ugh, why hadn’t I asked??
Without a word, he took his hand out of my pants. I wasn’t surprised. I had cros—I became aware of the fact that he was now taking off his pants, too, and saw the answer to my question from earlier. I stared at the bulge his underwear did nothing to hide, shocked by the size of it; more than ever, I wanted to touch. Even more surprising to me was the fact that a part of me wanted that in my mouth. I froze, unsure what to do and feeling guiltier than ever for wanting to do such a thing. Why did I feel so guilty? Was that normal?
His lips turned up in a slight grin, as if he understood. He sat back down beside me, took my left hand and eased it past the elastic band of his underwear. His hardness was astonishing to me. I found myself requesting him to take off his underwear. Well…okay, so I sort of demanded it. Right after my outburst, as he sat there looking surprised, I collected myself and apologized. He relaxed, let out this insanely adorable giggle, and then did as I asked, exposing himself entirely. Oh, I felt so…dirty…staring at him and…yet…so very, very turned on.
I blinked from my reverie when he suddenly moved away from me again. Automatically I began to doubt myself again and stared at the floor convinced I had done something very wrong. Had I not been allowed to stare? I didn’t know what I was doing! Of course, that was no excuse. I should’ve asked—
“Luke,” Eli said gently.
I looked up and to my surprise saw he was both still aroused (part of me had been convinced he suddenly hadn’t desired me anymore) and holding a bottle of what looked like gel.
I felt my stomach muscles tighten, though I don’t know why.
He walked back over to me, and sat back down.
“Lube, yes. Trust me, it helps.”
I swallowed hard, reminding myself I should be completely open with him. Even if that meant stating the obvious.
His blue eyes pierced right through my very soul.
“I’m very nervous.”
He set the bottle behind us on the bed, took one of my hands in his right hand and used his left hand to ease my face towards him for a soft kiss. The kiss, like every one that had preceded it, relaxed me.
“It’s just me,” he murmured. “We can stop any time you like, it’s okay.”
No, I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t necessarily want to go all the way, but I didn’t want to stop just yet.
Without a word, I took the bottle of lube and squirted a little onto my hand. The first stroke I did, he let out a soft sigh. Paying very close attention, I repeated the stroke again, saw that he seemed to like it, and continued on. He murmured advice to me: grip harder (I needn’t be quite so gentle, a firm grip would not hurt him), go faster, longer strokes, shorter strokes, slow down, etc. When he drew near to orgasm, his hips started to move, and I just went with it. Watching as he came, I studied his face the most. The wide eyes staring up at the ceiling, the little “o” his mouth made, then as it all relaxed and he looked quite satisfied.
I, of course, felt immeasurably excited that I had successfully brought him pleasure. A minute or so later he had recovered and handed me a tissue for my hand. An interesting expression appeared on his face as I cleaned up; it seemed almost sly. I couldn’t really identify it.
“And now it’s your turn,” he said with a grin, squirting some of the lube onto his hand. I took off my underwear finally; it was just easier this way.
Oh, my god, the lube really did make all the difference. I wanted so badly to thrust into his hand, envisioning all the while that I was thrusting into him, and it drove me up the wall. It seemed to take forever for that sweet release to come, but when it did it was the most powerful one I’d had yet. Doin’ it yourself was one thing, but having someone you loved do it...Man. What a feeling. I may, possibly, before he’d had a chance to clean his hands up, attacked him with a kiss, which made him laugh, which made me want to laugh, which started this…cycle of elation type thing.
Unfortunately, neither of us got the chance to really enjoy this moment with each other because right then both the power came back on and his parents, namely his dad, called out from downstairs, asking if Eli was home.
“Oh shit!” Eli exclaimed, jumping up from the bed, cleaning off his hands, and hastily redressing. I was already doing the same, trying very hard not to panic.
“Eli,” I hissed, “your father…”
“I know, I know. Let me think.”
We heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and that’s when I noticed the lube was still out on the bed.
“Lube’s still out,” I commented, the strain clear in my voice.
He whirled towards the bed, saw it, swore, started to go for it, and then froze when a knock sounded on the door.
“Eli?” His father called out (my anxiety spiked through the roof, stealing my breath), “you in here, kiddo?”
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” Eli hissed under his breath. Aloud, he said, “Yeah, dad, I’m in here but I’m not decent, give me a minute!”
“I’m not coming in, bud, I was just making sure you were home. Your mom and I are very tired. We both wish you a good night.”
“Goodnight! Love you!” Eli called out, looking so adorably like a deer in headlights. I know now really wasn’t the time, but I couldn’t help feeling in awe over how close I felt to him. I couldn’t imagine what it was going to feel like when we went all the way, and I couldn’t wait to find out. I would wait, of course, as long as it took for him to feel ready.
After waiting a few minutes with bated breath to see if either parent opened the door to enter (which didn’t happen), Eli and I let out our breaths in a mutual whoosh. He then headed over to his bed and fell onto his back with a groan.
“Fuck me that was too close.”
I felt my loins twinge with pleasure (I don’t know why) and couldn’t believe how badly I wanted more. He sat up after a minute, saw me staring at him, and smiled.
“What you lookin’ all happy for?” He stood up and came over to me. “You like almost getting caught?”
“No,” I corrected, my arms going around his waist as the scent of him surrounded me again (it was sort of a sweet smell, one I couldn’t really identify; it wasn’t overbearingly powerful like most male scents that they sell in stores), “I like how close I feel to you. Maybe it’s just an overreaction but. I like it. I like being with you. I like what we just did. Hell. Like is too weak. I loved it.”
He was beaming now.
“Well, nothing left to do except tell you that I feel exactly the same.”
My whole body seemed to leap with joy (you know...internally).
He laughed at this and went to kiss me.
“Luke, I do believe you are just the most adorable guy I’ve ever dated.”
I blushed at that.
“I am not adorable,” I grumbled, trying my best to be pouty. I didn’t pull it off worth a damn; I was feeling far too good.
Another kiss was shared and then Eli snuck me out of his room and out of the house. Too soon it was time to say goodnight. Parting truly was a great sorrow, now more than ever.