I woke up, Shane's arms surrounding me. My thoughts from the night before flooded my mind again. I got my lip and squeezed my eyes shut.
Please don't cry now Jasmine.
Chastising myself didn't stop the lone tear from sliding down my cheek. I wasn't sure if I should tell him the truth or end it all now before he finds out. I sighed at the last thought. The latter idea only made me seem like a coward, but I suppose that I was.
I had a headache, and I was feeling a little sick, but I wasn't sure what I could do about that at the moment. I gently moved his arms away, pushing them off of me to release his grip, then I stood up and tiptoed to the bathroom. Once I did my business and walked back out, he was sitting up on the couch, wide awake now.
"Good morning Bambi," he said, his voice husky from sleep.
"Good morning," I squeaked back. He smiled and stood up to stretch. "When are we leaving," I asked. I needed to get home and take my medicine. I didn't take it last night and my mind felt suffocated as I tried to hold the imaginary thoughts inside of their cage.
He shrugged his shoulders and yawned. "Whenever you're ready, I guess. Can I use the bathroom first though?" I nodded and he walked past me into the bathroom. I sat down on the couch, and lowered my head onto my knees, closing my eyes. I was so dizzy that it was mind blowing, the extremity of it. I should have brought my pills, but I thought I'd be home.
I wasn't exactly sure if it was the lack of medicine or not though, but I hadn't felt this way before and now I do. I took deep breaths to calm down and try to keep my heartbeat and breathing as steady as possible. This wasn't good.
A minute later, I heard the bathroom door opening and I sat up, attempting to look normal, but something on my face must have given me away when Shane looked at me.
"What's wrong," he questioned.
"Nothing. It's just a headache. Can we go now?"
He nodded and led me outside, holding the door open for me as I got into the car. The ride was silent the whole way back, neither of us speaking a word. I could tell that he wanted to, but he changed his mind each time. He opened it as if to say something only to close it a moment later and he reminded me of a fish trying to breathe.
He pulled the car into the drive and we both hot out and walked to the house. When we walked in, the house was empty and I walked straight to my room and locked myself inside the bathroom. I found the bottle in the medicine cabinet and swallowed the dry capsules that I needed.
I badly wanted to take some Tylenol to ease the massive headache, but I couldn't because it would interfere with my other medication. I stood in front of the mirror, leaning on the sink with my head down, taking deep breaths to calm myself. My heart was beating statically and it wasn't slowing down. I was sweating profusely. I heard incessant knocking on my bedroom door but I did nothing.
"Jasmine? Honey, it's Isabel. Can I come in?"
I wasn't even aware that Isabel was home. My body seemed to be rocking back and forth, unbalanced, but I wasn't sure if I was actually imagining it or not. Shadows creeped into my line of vision and I heard voices in my head. My eyes filled with the warm salt water of my tears. It had been so long since I had heard them and I didn't want to hear them now.
Close your eyes Jasmine. You'll feel better, hissed the painfully familiar voice. Or better yet, take more pills. You need more pills. Then all your pain can go away and you'll never have to hurt again. Do it. Take the pills.
I did as the voice told me to. I grabbed the antidepressants, which I had not yet taken and shook out the two prescribed pills. Then the voice came back.
No. Take the whole bottle. If you take the whole bottle, then you'll never be sad again. Think about it Jasmine. You will never feel sad or pain ever again. Don't you want that?
More of Isabel's knocking on the door, except now, it was directly on the bathroom door, which meant she had come inside my room. I thought about what the voice said. It was right. No more pain or suffering, no fear or sadness.
Now, Isabel was yelling. "Jasmine, if you don't open this goddamn door right now, I'll break through it." She sounded furious and I had never heard her swear before. Then I heard both Cooper's and Shane's voice.
"What's going on?" "What's happening?" I couldn't distinguish between the two, and right then, I didn't care. I wanted the pain to go away but I still hesitated.
Jasmine. Do it now before it's too late! The hissing voices made me realize that they were right. Before it's too late…
Without thinking anymore of it, I threw back the bottle and let the the smooth pills fall abundantly down my throat and I almost instantly felt the tingling. Right then, the door flew open and I looked lazily into Cooper's, then Shane's eyes. I felt more dizzy than ever now.
Shane's eyes went to the empty pill bottle in my hands and they widened. He looked to be in shock and Cooper noticed at the same time Shane did. Shane took a step toward me and snatched the bottle from my hand.
"Jasmine? What the hell is this? What did you do?!" I didn't answer Shane. I was focusing on the shadows that were now completely clouding my vision, blinding me. Shane's voice now sounded warbled as he yelled.
"Someone call an ambulance! Hurry." Then I heard Isabel's voice in the back. I wasn't feeling pain anymore. All I felt was dizzy. This was what was supposed to happen. I tried to smile to myself, but I didn't know if I did or not. I felt nothing except weightless for a few seconds. That's when I hit the ground, and everyone disappeared.