25 - Broken
Olivia Peterson’s P.O.V.
I open my eyes to a blinding bright light which causes me to flinch. I blink drowsily as I look around the room and take it in. I recognize it as a typical hospital room before my eyes land on a sleeping Atticus in the chair beside my bed. And then it all hits me.
I remember being kept in a cell by Vincent.
I remember being strapped to a bomb.
I remember Atticus and Bastian storming in.
I remember feeling blood coat my legs.
I remember realizing that I’ve miscarried.
I lost my baby. Immediately, tears brim my eyes and escape through the corners as I place my hand on my belly. Jade whines sadly in my head and I can feel her devastation. I feel empty and not pregnant anymore. The little life that was growing inside of me that came as a beautiful surprise is now gone. I can’t help the pained sob that escapes me and the rest that follow.
“Olivia?” I look at Atticus through my tears as he wakes up. “Livi!”
“I lost our baby. I’m so sorry, Atticus!” I cry loudly as he takes a seat beside me on the bed.
“No! You have nothing to be sorry about, sweetheart.” He cups my face and wipes my tears away but they just keep pouring out. “In fact, I should be sorry. If only I had protected you better or reached you sooner this wouldn’t have happened.”
“You did everything you could, Atticus. Please don’t blame yourself –”
“Only if you stop blaming yourself and apologizing for something that wasn’t your fault?” He replies and a shaky sigh escapes me.
“It’s going to take some time but I’ll try.” I smile weakly as he presses a firm kiss to my forehead. “I-I feel empty and numb, Atticus. I feel broken.”
“I know but you won’t stay broken, my love. However long this journey takes I’m with you every step of the way, Livi. Don’t forget that.” He states with determination and I start crying all over again.
“I don’t know what I’ve done wrong for the Moon Goddess to keep punishing me like this.” I sob as I clutch his shirt tightly. “First Vincent and now our baby...am I just not meant for happiness?”
“You are. She just tests our strength and faith from time to time.” He whispers as he lays beside me and holds me tight. “Maybe she decided she wanted our little baby by Her side? Maybe it wasn’t our time?”
“What if I miscarry the next time?” I ask as fear consumes me over the thought alone.
“Let’s just leave everything up to Her, okay?” He caresses my cheek and I feel him send me all his love through our bond. “We’ll take it all one step at a time and first, we’ll focus on you healing and coming back home.”
I kiss him while tears stream down my cheeks. “I didn’t even ask how you feel! I’m such a bad mate!”
He chuckles as he pulls away before wiping my tears...again. I have a feeling it’s going to take a long time for me to run out of tears. Only now I notice the myriad of emotions flickering through his eyes. Pain, sadness, frustration, anger, heartbreak...it’s all there. He smiles sadly as he intertwines our hand.
“I think I’m all out of tears with how much I’ve cried ever since the doctor told me there was no chance.” He starts and I bite my lip when his voice trembles. “I’m completely heartbroken and just like you said, it’s going to take time to heal from the loss. But knowing that I have you with me eases the pain a little bit. I know we’re going to be okay, Livi.”
“I love you.” I whisper feeling so overwhelmed by emotion over how much I love this man.
“I love you too.” He smiles handsomely before leaning down to peck my lips.
After a few minutes of laying in silence the doctor walks in. Upon seeing that I’m awake he smiles and greets us before calling a nurse. He checks the usual stuff before asking the nurse to check on how my healing is progressing.
“Because your wolf was blocked and then hurt by the wolfsbane the healing process is going to be extremely slow. It’s going to take her some time, just like you, to bounce back.” Doctor Gonzales explains as he helps the nurse with my bandages. “Other than that, we’re going to work on stabilizing your blood pressure and iron.”
My eyes widen when I remember Carlos. With everything going on I didn’t think about him until now. I turn to Atticus and he frowns in concern when he feels my panic.
“There was a doctor at the house, Carlos. He was innocent –”
“Hey, don’t worry. We found him locked up and got him out. You can meet him soon.” He reassures me as he rubs his thumb across my hand soothingly.
“Okay.” I sigh in relief before letting the doctor and nurse work away.
“Let’s have you eat something soon before we run some tests. If you need me, I’ll be here until ten o’clock otherwise Sarah is here to take care of you.” He smiles and I thank him before watching him leave.
While Sarah is working I find my eyelids drooping of their own accord. Atticus chuckles at my struggle to stay awake before whispering for me to get some rest and that he’ll be right beside me. I hold his hand tightly regardless until I eventually drift off to dreamland. This time there’s no more nightmares waiting for me.
A few hours later, after I’ve woken up and eaten something, mine and Atticus’ families enter the room. I smile at them all as Atticus helps me to sit up in the bed. Both Vasilia and mom gaze at me tearfully as they hug me gently. Tobias and my dad take a seat in the chairs beside Atticus after asking me how I am and giving me a hug. Arcadia, Elias and Jason sit by my legs on the bed with small smiles.
“I’m so sorry this happened, honey.” Mom whispers as she strokes my hair.
I nod with a weak smile, not wanting to talk about it anymore. Despite Atticus and I consoling each other over our loss I still feel numb and like I’m not whole. While I was locked in that cell all I thought about was my baby. If it would be a boy or a girl? If our child would look more like Atticus, or me or both? What outfits I would dress my baby in. What I would teach him or her. And to have that snatched from me within moments was truly the most heart-breaking thing I’ve ever experienced.
Thankfully, everyone senses that I don’t want to talk about my miscarriage and Arcadia diverts the topic. “So, when are you coming back home?”
“When Olivia’s fully healed we can leave.” Atticus replies with a smile as he intertwines our hands.
“How’s everyone back home?” I ask which makes her perk up.
“Nelson’s being a prick as usual – ow!” She huffs when Elias smacks the back of her head.
“She asked about home not school!” He rolls his eyes playfully which makes me laugh.
“This is more important!” She growls at him before turning to me. “He gave me another detention for talking in class! Can you believe it?! I was just asking one of my classmates about homework!”
“Unbelievable!” I reply sarcastically which she doesn’t pick up on.
Everyone bursts into laughter and when she finally realizes she huffs in mock anger. We chat some more and I catch up with my parents and Jason before the nurse comes in to take me for some tests and scans.
I spend the rest of the evening doing that before I’m brought back to my room where Bastian and Carlos wait. I hug Carlos tightly and he expresses his sadness for my loss. We talk to Atticus and Bastian about our time locked up in that house and how we gave each other hope whenever we met.
“I was so scared for her because she had become quite weak. I genuinely thought that at one point her body wouldn’t be able to handle a pregnancy.” He murmurs as he glances at me sadly. “And what was scarier is that whenever I talked to Vincent about giving you more healthy meals, getting you some exercise and stuff, he would always say that there’s no point since the baby’s not going to live long anyway.”
“He had become so desensitized and cruel.” I whisper with a shake of my head.
“Well, he certainly got what he deserved.” Bastian states gruffly before meeting my gaze. “I’m so sorry that I didn’t notice him move sooner.”
“It’s not your fault, Bastian. One way or another he would have killed our baby anyway.” I shrug halfheartedly as I glance at Atticus. “What’s going to happen to his pack?”
“I’m going to find someone to take over. Are you going to stay in Vancouver, Carlos?” Atticus asks before we all turn to Carlos.
“Yeah, my family is there. There was a previous Beta who ended up leaving because he didn’t like Vincent’s ways of ruling. He was a good man and always wanted the best for the pack. I can find his details if you want to talk to him about taking over?” He asks and Atticus nods eagerly in agreement.
“That would be great, thank you.”
We chat for a little longer before the nurse pops in and advises for me to get some rest. I don’t feel tired but I know my body needs it. Bastian and Carlos both hug me goodbye before leaving just Atticus and I in the room. He drapes the blanket over me when I lay down and is about to sit in the chair when I catch his wrist.
“Will you hold me, please?”
He smiles in understanding before taking off his shoes and getting into bed beside me. It’s a tight fight with how much space he takes up but I curl into his side. I rest my head on his chest with a sigh as he holds me tight. The storm is finally over and we can both return to our normal lives without having to constantly look over our shoulders in fear of Vincent trying to hurt us.
“What are you thinking about?” He asks gently as he runs his fingers through my hair.
“We’ll be home soon.” He presses a kiss to my temple.
“I can’t wait.”