I never understood people saying they got headaches when stressed. But the pounding in my head, feelings of forks scrapping behind my eyes, sensitivity to light and lack of sleep makes me a believer. I took a club whore back with me to get Raven out of my head but then mid fuck I pull out and tell her to get the fuck up. Now I can’t shake the guilt from that. The stress and guilt from fucking up. I lifted the coffee cup to my mouth not paying attention to Spotter cleaning the bar.
I need to fix things with Raven tomorrow and Princess is right, no more being around club whores. I can’t run away.
I need to talk to her but I still haven’t. Like the coward I guess I am turning into. But tomorrow, tomorrow when I go for service I will talk to her. Spill my guts about anything if it means that betrayed look will go away and I could see her smile. Anything to make that happen.
But not today, I have to be at the parlour soon, I’m behind from missing parts of the week due to service. Deadpan is doing well and getting a client list of his own but I need to feel the needle going against someone’s skin to calm me down right now. Maybe if I met Raven while I was 100% a tattoo artist and not doing community service I would have stayed with my guts with her or would I have fucked up?
“How much longer with community service?” I glanced up at Spotter who looked like he was trying to figure out why I looked like I wanted to burn his bar down at the moment.
I shrugged leaning back on the stool, “another week and few weekends here and there then I am fucking done.” I couldn’t help my hand rubbing the left side of my chest as if the thought of not seeing Raven again hurt, plus her daughter Sienna was something painful.
Which it is.
If I fixed thing with Raven, told her about my parents would she want something with me? I am not good enough, I think the way I’ve reacted prove it. But I crave her; seeing her and Sienna a few times a week isn’t enough. God, I need to balls up and go for it.
Spotter leaned forward over the bar looking towards the corner of the room before looking back to me, “If I were you I’d stop fucking Lilith, word is she thinks she is going to be your Luna.”
“Duh fuck? She should know the club rules about that kind of talk. Her friend Stacy should have told her that before she became a groupie.” Spotter just hums going back to restocking as I chugged the coffee.
The man hates talking about such things, he said things that needed to be said no gossip so if he was telling me to cut the bitch, I needed to watch the bitch. That was fine by me, Raven was the only thing in my mind now. And I’m not backing down.
I groaned rubbing the back of my neck, I remember when I didn’t have a care in the world yet now I was twisting my gut for just one well two people. “Your head still not straight?” Spotter asked me again refilling the cup of coffee.
Taking the cup, I flipped him off, “Don’t, I already got the talk from Princess and Briac has been watching me too waiting for his time to intervene.”
He just chuckled, “Princess, dam you got to work hard for her to look over her laptop to give you hell for your actions and Briac? The guy is turning into Dr Phil. Needing to talk to you about your head getting spun out over a woman, Hunter who’s freaking out about Birdy’s pregnancy when he tried to bring bubble wrap to the club house, Smoke’s nomad obsession and Princess with her and the FBI situations.”
“Oh, Hamlet isn’t on that list?” I chuckled taking a sip of coffee.
“Nah he is busy with those OD’s. Just talk to your woman and stop hiding behind the whores.” Spotted throw a towel at me from my glaring but I was over people telling me what to do. I am doing it!
“Word on OD’s?”
He shook his head, “just that no drugs have been brought into the club so they must be doing it at home and no one noticed any high behaviour besides weeds at parties.”
Nodding I thought hard on these ODs, “I don’t get it brother, the ones I know who have died didn’t have track marks on them, any one of us would have noticed those and the smell of someone shooting up. You hear anything on your end?”
The brother leaned back shaking his head as he glanced around taking inventory of what he needed, “I have seen nothing which is pissing me off. Just know the groupies getting possessive and getting ideas of being Lunas with two having been claimed. Hamlets handling it so he would be good to ask.”
I took a sip of the coffee, the effects not hitting me yet despite this being my third cup. “Mhm, if it’s something concerning the club you would have heard something. Maybe these girls just relapsed.”
“It’s possible but I’ll keep my ear out for it. Don’t want any surprises, we have had enough of those.” He grumbled.
Taking a look around the clubhouse making sure Pepper wasn’t around I turned back to Spotter, “Pepper alight with these deaths?”
Spotter gave a tight nod, he was the one who brought Pepper in to be a future prospect for the club when he was strung out trying to detox from heroin. The now brother spent a year and a half working at the security agency helping out with relocation cases while getting clean. His prospecting wasn’t a walk in the park but we did everything we could to make sure he didn’t slide back. Now the brother is three years clean and officially a brother of the club thanks to Spotter who fought to keep him around despite his drug past.
“Deadpan and I are paying attention to him, but Pep is good. He is twirling his clean coin on his knuckles to remember his past. Pepper will be alright.” I sighed into the cup, the brother relapsing would not be a good thing, the young kid had just turned twenty and found his position in the club with work at the agency.
The doors to the clubhouse squeaked out and I heard my name being asked in a weird sound, “Tatt?”
Glancing over my shoulder I jumped off the stool and ran over to the doors finding a soaked to the bone Sienna looking terrified, “Sienna? Little darlin’ what are you doing here?”
Those green eyes widened as she shook her head pointing her to ears, “I I can’t, uh I-?” Her breathing quickened with her widened eyes before her hands went up signing so fast I couldn’t make out anything. Fuck I should have looked up some basic sign language even though I am still confused about how much she can and cannot hear.
I felt someone squat next to me, glancing over it was Spotter who smiled at Sienna before slowly beginning to move his hands signing to her. Seeing Spotter sign, Sienna seemed to relax as she signed back still fast but not as panicked before.
“She okay Brother?” Noticing her shivering I slipped out of my cut and wrapped it around her shoulders still feeling like my heart was about to jump out of my chest. This kid had found her way into my heart, especially after reading what happened with her father. If anyone dared to harm her hell would rain down on them.
Spotter shouted at the Prospect to get him some kind of new batteries before signing back to Sienna with a wink making her chuckle. What the fuck are they saying?! “Brother?” I couldn’t help the growl escape me because if he doesn’t tell me I swear brother or not I am going to hit him.
He rolled his eyes signing one last thing to Sienna making her chuckle again before looking back to me, “She was on a field trip, her hearing batteries died and not one of the chaperones could sign, then she said she saw someone who looked like her dad and she fled? We need to be prepared for a domestic?”
Shaking my head, I picked Sienna up, her arms going around my neck making me smile with pride, “man’s dead just bad memories. You got any of Amara’s sweets hidden around?”
Walking back to the bar I sat her down on the bar kissing her forehead as Spotter went looking for some sweets. Her small hands going to my necklace, twirling it around as she visibly relaxed and no longer looked as terrified as when she came in. Only a moment later did he return with some brownies and a cup of tea for her; a chuckle escaping me as she looked like he just handed her the sun.
The prospect arrived beside me giving over the batteries Spotter sent him out, tapping on Sienna’s shoulder I pointed to Spotter making her look over to him as he signed something. Nodding Sienna took out her hearing aids handing them to him allowing him to change their batteries and gave them back.
I helped them go over her ears as she pressed the button on top making her look back up at me with a small smile, “thank you.”
Giving her a wink, I smile, “anytime for you little darlin’ you okay?”
She let out a small sigh as she looked at me with those doe eyes, “yeah, I can hear people without the aids but they sound far away and I don’t want to say something weird or sound weird. Or make you mad if you have to repeat- “
I cut her off with a tug of one of her braids, “Hey, you could never make me mad if you need to repeat yourself okay? You be you.”
Sienna gave me one of her smiles as she took a bite of the brownies. “Thanks Tatt, I’m glad your around.”
“How did you find me?”
She smiled, “followed the sounds of Harleys.” I gave her a wink before Sienna looked at me with a grimace. “Uh oh…”
“What is it little darlin’?” I asked pushing her wet hair behind her shoulder.
“You going to call my mom?”
I grinded at the thought, “Fuck, yeah I should.”
Sienna just giggled putting her hand out making me groan taking my wallet out and placing a dollar in her hand. She is about to make a ton of money at the club and bankrupt the brothers.
“Little darlin’ you’re about to make enough money to buy your own horse.” I muttered handing her a few bills to keep me ahead.
She giggled again, “you always say that when I am around you. I should come hang out with you more often outside the barn.”
I gave her a playful scowl ignoring Spotters light chuckle in the background. Sighing knowing I need to call Raven I took out my phone pressing on Raven’s number.
Fuck I hope she picks up the phone seeing my name calling.