My body jolted awake hearing screaming, my hand immediately flying to my piece placed on the bedside table. Raven jump up from beside me, grabbing a robe and was out of the door in a flash. Hearing another scream coming from the hall I rushed out of bed, grabbing my jeans, pulling them up and ran down the hall. I soon found myself in Sienna’s room where Raven was rocking her saying soothing words. The gun quickly placed in the back of my jeans to keep it out of sight.
Jesus Christ, she looks terrified.
Fucking hell she sounded it.
I am not sure what I am supposed to do. Help comfort her?
There was something I am missing, I can barely pick up Sienna’s whispers about a gun, anger, dad. It must be the night Raven always brushed quickly off, Josh’s suicide.
Fucking hell was Sienna there?
My body turned walking down the hallway where I found myself in the kitchen looking through the pantries, grabbing a pot and mug. Ten minutes later I found myself back in Sienna room kneeling down and handing her a cup of hot chocolate; both of my girls looking me up with small smiles with tears down their faces.
Raven mouthed ‘thank you’ taking the cup and giving it to Sienna. Knowing this was private I stepped out of the room walking back to the kitchen to make a cup of tea for Raven. It was time for Raven to tell me about that night; the true story of that night.
I won’t make her, but I can see that she is ready. She can’t keep these secrets anymore, they are too heavy.
Thirty minutes later Raven came walking in, putting the empty cup of hot chocolate in the sink and taking the cup of tea I made for her in her hands. A deep shaky break being released from her lips as her eyes rimmed red. I stood in front of her, wiping the stay tears on her cheeks as she took another shaky breath then a sip of tea. Taking the cup, I put it on the counter and gathered her in my arms; holding her as tightly as I could. As if I could help shield her from the pain that Josh caused and still causes my girls.
“What happened that night Raven.” I whispered softly against her ear instantly making her go rigid as she untangled from me and walked to the kitchen window overlooking the barn.
“What do you mean, what night?” She responded.
I took a deep breath to keep myself from getting angry that she wouldn’t trust me with that night. “Raven. You can trust me with the truth.”
Raven spun around her eyes swimming with emotion, “what did you think happened? What do you want me to say? That Josh spent that night beating the shit out of me when he found out the usual responding officers were going to make a huge case against him to get me out? That he swung a gun around? That for the first time he went after Sienna hurting her? What do you want me to say?”
I took a hesitant step forward, breathing deeply again to try to keep her defence from affecting me, “he didn’t kill himself, did he? I heard what Sienna was crying about. You kept him from hurting her for years and you knew it was going to end in two ways that night.”
A tear went down her face, “fine. Then I killed Josh. He went after my daughter and I shot him. Cops covered it up.”
“No, you didn’t?” I said softly confused. I was expecting that, that she was the one to kill him but the way she said it so automatically told me that she didn’t. Plus, her tell.
She shook her head, “your right that night was going to end in two way. I took the way out for me and my daughter so I shot him.”
“No, you didn’t. Anytime you lie your nose twitches. So, who? Trust me Raven, let me take this weight off you two. You didn’t kill him. He didn’t commit suicide so who else-” I cut myself off, the thought coming to my mind as Raven had silent tears her eyes pleading with me to stop asking, “Sienna.”
Raven let out a choked sob, her hand gripping the counter to keep her up. “She didn’t mean to, she just wanted him to stop.”
Darting forward I gripped her shoulders pulling her back safely into me as she started to sob, “she shot him.” I breathed out feeling a pain in my chest that Sienna had to make that kind of choice in her life so young.
I looked down to see Raven looking up at me, her eyes red as the tears kept coming. “Josh was chocking me, probably going to kill me. Sienna came out telling him to stop so he grabbed his gun telling her to shut up and pushed her on the ground. I got up pushing him away from her which made him drop the gu-gun.”
My hands softly brushed on her cheek to offer support, “trust me.”
She let out a shaky breath. “The gun went onto the floor and he went on me again, all of a sudden Sienna yelled ‘stop’ holding the gun. That just made Josh laugh getting up and stalk over to her. I couldn’t get up, my body kept coughing on the floor for air and I couldn’t do anything. Sienna didn’t want to use the gun, you have to know she didn’t mean to. She stepped back to get away from him as she was crying in fear. Josh lunged at her making her trip over her feet falling onto the floor. The second she fell it just went off. The bullet hit him in the neck. She didn’t mean to it was an accident Tatt.”
Raven’s face went into my chest as she cried from the memories, the fact that her daughter was in that was what pain I see in her eyes. She feels as if she failed her daughter, that it’s her fault not the fucking bastard’s fault. My eyes shut as I was hit in my chest as what they went through, I’d do anything I could to be the one to have killed the bastard. Or have met Raven first and be Sienna’s true father ensuring they never felt this pain.
Bending down I picked Raven up, cradling her in my chest as I made it back to her room. Holding her closely to me we got into the bed, bringing the comforter around us. “What happened next? You need to get it off your chest. Free yourself.”
She sighed burrowing her head under my chin as I held her tight, “the neighbours called the cops per usual when the fighting started. The second the gun went off officers rushed in. Officer Hayden and Reynolds. They always responded and were going to try to get us out since they knew we would end up dead and Josh’s connections were high. They saw me on the floor bleeding and bruised horrible, Sienna had a black eye and they saw Josh just lying on the floor with a bullet in him. Josh started spewing things that I tried to kill him and for them to call an ambulance.”
A tight chuckle escaped her as I kissed the top of her head, “I take it that’s not what they did.”
“No. They looked at each other. Officer Reynolds walked over helping me and Sienna off the floor and took us to the bedrooms to get us packing after giving some first aid. When we came out with our bags Josh’s body was fixed with a whole in his head and the gun in his hand. They staged it to a suicide and got the coroner to rule it to so no one could know it was not. We stayed a year to suppress any questions then I got us out. I failed Sienna that night.” She sobbed.
My hand went under her chin tilting her head up to look at me before speaking with force. “You did not fail her Raven. You protected her for yearsfrom that bastard. Sienna didn’t kill him; the gun went off when she fell. You got her out, you shielded her and you have always given her love. It was that bastard’s fault not yours.” She shook her head making me grip her chin tight. “You. Did. Not. Fail. Her. I am not going anywhere Raven; you and sienna deserve the world and I will do anything to give that. Cry, sleep, I will be here for you. Always.”
I kissed her lips softly before tucking her into me, holding her as she cried. Her tears cutting deeply into me as I thought of ways to make sure a smile would always be on Sienna’s face. I will call Doc in the morning to see if she has any trustworthy child therapist that may help Sienna get over that night. Her mind is trying to protect her from remembering but it seems to be creeping into her dreams. Raven won’t trust a stranger, remembering that her ex had ties to everyone, but if Doc referenced one they would be tied to club secrecy and Sienna could talk about everything. She would be safe and she needs to get it out.
My hands kept going up and down Raven’s spine even though her even breathing told me she fell asleep a long time ago but my mind was still spinning. Fuck these girls have gone through too much.
The door creaked open making me look up from Raven’s face seeing Sienna in the door rubbing her eyes, her hair sticking out in all directions. Smiling softly, I reached over to my open side lifting the comforter and motioned with my head for her to come on in. I could see the outline of her body turn to close the door before turning around and running over to the bed, jumping up beside me. As soon as she was up, I dropped the comforter on her, bringing my arms around her and tucking my little darlin’ into my side protectively.
As I could fight those nightmares off for her.
Sienna hugged into my side as I kissed her head for a good moment. She may not be mine in blood, but she feels connected to me as if I fathered her myself. And that is good enough for me.
“Are you staying the night Tatt?” She asked in a mouse voice I didn’t like, I much prefer her trouble making confidence.
“Do you have another biker boy?” I joked earning a small giggle from her. “Sleep Sienna, you no longer have to protect yourself or your momma. I will always be there for you, always.” I gave her another kiss on her head as she snuggled up and soon fell asleep like her mother beside me.
I took a deep breath trying to let myself relax from everything that was said tonight. Even though Josh was dead I couldn’t help but look at the door and my gun in the drawer beside me. Just in case their past is still ready to come out and hurt them. I need to ask Princess to discreetly check to ensure this cover up is air tight.
These girls belong to me and their future will be nothing but perfect for them. I wasted time but I won’t waste any more time. I will claim them as soon as Raven will let me.