“How you doing momma?” Spotter asked as I lifted my head off Godfrey’s neck seeing Spotter walk into the barn.
I sighed, “feel like I am living a nightmare. When my ex beat me, I knew she was safe… now I’m safe and she’s in danger.” I whispered looking to Godfrey giving him a kiss before walking out of the stall. “To what do I owe the pleasure, Spotter?”
He opened the stall door letting me slip out then closed it, “Figured you haven’t slept. Know how to work at a barn, be more helpful here than at the bar or driving around.”
I raised a brow, “you’re here to babysit me, aren’t you?”
Spotter smiled. “Here to work, if something happens I’ll handle it.” With that he walked over to the board to see what the schedule had for today.
I sighed walking over to another horse, stroking her head that was out of her stall, “She’s always asked for a dog on her birthday but I always said no, that we have enough animals. That we would wait till she was older and she would take care of it herself… why didn’t I get her the damn dog.”
Feeling Spotter, I turned to see him next to me causing the water works making him pull me to him. The silent watching biker just held me as I cried into his embrace, “we will find her momma. Tatt and the brothers are looking under every rock. We will find her. Go rest, Tatt will stop by later.”
Shaking my head, I picked up tack, “No I need to do things and you probably don’t know how to run a horse farm with disable horses. No, I will work, then I will take a horse and ride the property in case Sienna is just lost in the woods finding a new tree for her tree house.”
Mentioning the tree house made me spin. ’Raven-”
“No but that’s it! We haven’t thought about tree houses! She is probably just lost in the woods or stuck in a tree. I am going to take Pippin and check the woods and all branches.” I said already moving towards Pippin’s stall, stopping when Spotter came in my way. “I have to go.”
Spotter put both hands on my shoulders. “I will take him and check. You can’t leave in case they try to take you. I know how to ride, parents own a farm in Montana.”
“You’re a cowboy?” I asked about to laugh but stopped when I remembered that my daughter is not here to laugh along.
“Not a word. Go inside I’ll check the line. If Sienna passes me she will find you in the house.” I went to speak but he shook his head. “You are a strong woman Raven, sadly waiting is sometimes the only course of action.”
Nodding slowly, I stepped away from Spotter understanding his point, I didn’t like it but I did. What good would I be out there? I would get in the way, making it harder for the brothers to do their search for my daughter. I must wait for the opportune moment, then act.
I began walking away towards the door out of the barn to the house, the second I grabbed from the handle I heard a loud bang. Before I knew it, something slammed into me, making me hit the ground hard, covering me completely. Blinking I found Spotter on top of me slowly getting up and helping me off the ground.
“The fuck?” I muttered seeing a hay barrel rig at the spot I was just standing at, Spotter already inspecting the rigging system.
“Get to your house Raven. I got this. Go.” He said with force as I slowly nodded too tired to think about any of this. My daughter is missing and now my barn was falling apart.
Sometime later I found myself in Sienna’s room sitting in a rocking chair. I felt so numb. On autopilot not even sure what I am doing or thinking just… staring. I breathed deeply the smell of her room, the smell of my little girl. I had hoped so much that once I was here I wouldn’t have to worry about her and now I have no idea where she is.
I can remember her first walk, first word, first time she smiled, giggled, picked up a snake and rode a horse. The memories were happy but gave me a pain in my chest thinking I may never see or hear her again.
“Oh Raven.” I heard Tatt say as he scooped me into his arms, walking me out of the room and sat me on my bathroom sink. “I will find her I promise. I won’t stop until I have her back with you holding her. The whole club is looking. But you have to take care of you, I can’t worry about you too.”
He wiped away the tears that were streaming down my face, “she’s everything to me Tatt. Everything.”
Tatt slowly kissed me, giving me a promise that he was here for me before stepping back and turning on the bathtub. After he got the temperature right he walked over to me slowly underdressing me as I let him; too tired to do anything.
I barely registered him turning the water off before he picked me up carefully lowering me into the hot water. He undressed and slipped in behind me, pulling my body into his chest kissing my shoulder as the water soothed my nerves.
“Tell me you found something. Anything.” I whispered as he slowly ran his hands over my body. I was desperate for news.
Tatt sighed, “Chet isn’t involved, wants to make amends not trouble. I will find her Raven... Spotter told me about the hay rig.”
I blew out a breath, “yeah I was in a daze all day I must have hung it over the door without thinking and then it snapped. It was just an accident Tatt nothing to worry about, it’s Sienna I care about.”
“It wasn’t an accident Raven. The rope was cut enough for it to hold on and it was tied to the door. The second you pulled the door open the rest of the rope snapped and was supposed to hit you if Spotter had not acted.”
Tears came down my face as I turned my head under Tatt’s chin, “why is this happening? I don’t have any enemies Tatt. They are gone, she and I are supposed to be safe.”
“We have church tomorrow and we will go over everything. Trust me and keep hope my darlin’.” He kissed my shoulder holding me tightly as I cried safely in his embrace.
It was his arms that held me together, if he wasn’t here I would be paralyzed. Either riding around trying to find her or stuck on the floor unsure what to do. Tatt grabbed a washcloth and began to slowly clean my body, pouring my lavender body wash onto it and then using it to clean. The lavender scent and oil slowly getting rid of the tension in my muscles.
I took a deep sigh and melted against him as he poured water over my hair and used my lavender shampoo to clean my hair before conditioning it. If it wasn’t for the circumstances I would have laughed and loved the fact that my biker boy is in this bathtub using all these lavender items, knowing that when he got out of the tub he would be smelling strongly of the flower. His usually male musk gone.
“Tatt, thank you. I don’t know what I would do if it wasn’t for you. You make me want more in my life and the way you are with Sienna… you are warming my once guarded heart.”
Tatt’s nose robbed against my cheek, “you terrify me Raven. The second I put my eyes on you there was something unfamiliar in the way I wanted to claim you right there and it scares me to this day. I don’t know what to do around you and I don’t know what to do when I am not around you. But not being with you is more terrifying than being with you. I don’t deserve you but I can’t walk away.”
I looked up at him, tears still coming down my cheeks as he looked down on me softly, his fingers going up and lightly wiping them away. “Stop saying you know what we deserve. I can’t think like that.” Thinking about what we deserve only made me wonder if what I did ever made me deserve Josh’s beating and now did I deserve Sienna being taken away?
He brushed his lips softly against mine, “sorry darlin’ your right. Come on let’s get you out of here.”
Standing up we go out of the tub, Tatt wrapping a towel around me before the air made me cold. He threw a towel around his waist then emptied the tub. Taking a step back, leaning against the counter I watched Tatt, feeling my gaze he looked up giving me a soft smile, one I know was forced. Seeing him looking for Sienna so dedicated showed me that he is all in with us. He wants to be a part of our family and I know that I can say with confidence we both will want it.
And be better with it.
Tatt walked over to me wrapping an arm around my waist. “Come on, you and I could both use some sleep. Don’t fight me on it darlin’ the brothers are still out looking and we aren’t good to the little darlin’ if we can barely stand.”
Leaning my head against his still wet chest I forced myself to nod. He was right. Taking a deep breath I chuckled a few times.
Tatt lifted my chin making me look at him. “The big bad biker boy smells like lavender.” I teased him unable to stop myself.
He rolled his eyes bending me down, picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. Tatt carried me to my bed and dropped me down under the covers where he slipped in behind me.
“Guess I’ll just have to sleep close to you to get the dam scent off of me.” He grumbled wrapping his arm around me making me feel safe.
“I don’t know if I can sleep.” I whispered with my voice catching in my throat as I focused on a photo of Sienna and I on bareback that was hanging up on the wall.
“I know.” Tatt said tightening his grip. “I don’t know if I can either. But wolves always take care of members of their pack.”