Today is Colin’s funeral and I am a wreck. It still feels so unreal that he is not just going to walk through the front door. My parents showed up with Gavin, so I’m assuming the girls are with Rickey.
“Ready,” Mom asked.
I slowly nodded walking past them getting the car. Slowly they followed me and got in the car so we could go to the church. Once we got there my mom wrapped her arm around me pulling me to her.
“McKenna.” I turned to one of Colin’s family members.
“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“Is Ellie here?”
“No, she is with a friend.” She nodded and we went to sit down.
“I want to leave. I don’t want to talk to anyone.” I cried.
“You don’t have to okay, as soon as this is over we will leave.” I nodded, looking around finding a picture of Colin. He was holding Ellie as they were making faces at each other. Everyone sat down and the pastor started to speak. After a little bit, it was my turn to speak. I got up and went to the podium.
“You know the next time we were supposed to be together in this church was the day we got married. When we first met I never thought we would be where we are. You amazed me from the start. The night you found out about my daughter you accepted her. You will never know how thankful I am for that. When I needed you, you were always there. Telling you, I was pregnant with Ellie, I was terrified, but you were so amazing. I don’t know how you put up with me those nine months and especially when I was in labor."
I got down and sobbed. My mom came up and pulled me into her arms.
“Mom I want to go home.”
“Okay, let’s go.” She got my dad and we left going back to my house.
“Honey, do you need anything?”
“Will you please eat some soup at least?” I looked at my mom, looking like she was going to break down in tears, so I nodded my head. My dad came in and lay down next to me.
“Let’s watch a game.” I smiled and moved to curl up with my dad. Like Rickey, he didn’t pressure me to talk or anything he was just there.
“Love you baby girl.”
“Love you too daddy.” He kissed my forehead as I just curled into him. A couple of minutes later my mom came in with my soup.
“Are you going to stay with her, I have to go,” Mom asked.
“Rickey needs help with the girls.”
“Okay, we will see you in a little bit.”
“Baby, do you want me to bring the girls?”
“Yea.” She smiled pulling out her phone, probably just to text Rickey. She got on the bed, wrapping her arms around me and rested her head against me.
“I can’t imagine how much you are hurting, but your babies still need you.”
“I know, it’s just hard.” She kissed the back of my head while we waited for them to get here. Seemed like twenty minutes later I heard the door open and Ellie crying. The door opened, Sophia launched herself onto the bed and into my arms.
“Mommy.” I smiled at her.
“Hi baby, you’re going to have to move over, your sister is hungry.” I looked up at Rickey and he carefully placed her in my arms.
“Dad, I suggest you keep watching the game.” He nodded looking back at the game while I got Ellie situated. I had my girls in my arms and I did feel better.
“Alright, we’re going to get going, call if you need anything. Love you girls.”
We said our goodbyes and my parents left. Rickey came and sat down next to me so I leaned against him.
“Mommy,” Sophia said looking up at me.
“I want to stay with you.”
“I don’t know baby.”
“Please, I be good.”
“I know you will be.” I smiled kissing her forehead.
“Yes.” She smiled, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“Careful, sissy is still eating.”
“What do you think Soph? I think mommy needs a bath.” Rickey smirked.
“Yea mommy needs a bath.”
“Fine after she is done, I will take a shower.” I looked down at Ellie finding her looking up at me. It hurt looking at her, she looked so much look like her daddy. Rickey kissed my temple and I looked at him.
“Breathe.” I sighed and looked back down at Ellie. She reached down and grabbed my finger squeezing it. Every time she squeezed my finger, it was like she was telling me everything is going to be okay.
“Thanks, mommy needs that.”
Once she finally pulled away I handed her to Rickey so he could burp her.
“Soph, did you have a bath today?”
“Come take a shower with me.” She nodded and we got clothes before going to get in the shower.
I wrapped her towel around her so she could dry off before me. We pulled our clothes on and I wrapped our hair in our towels. I smiled leaning down kissing her cheek as we went back in my room. Ellie was curled up on his chest and they were both asleep.
“Looks like someone was tired.” She smiled and we got on the bed and lay next to them.
“Are you feeling better?”
“Now that you and sissy are here.” I didn’t know how much I needed them here till now.
“I don’t like being away from you.”
“I know, but it’s what is best for you and sissy.”
“Love you, mommy.”
“Love you too.”
We spent the rest of the day curled up watching movies and Sophia catching me up on everything. Ellie was already asleep in her bassinet, while Sophia was fighting sleep.
“Go to sleep baby.”
“No, you won’t be here.”
“I will be honey.” I kissed her forehead, rubbing her back trying to get her to sleep. Rickey walked in and smiled at us.
“Do you want me to go or should I stay.”
“I’m okay with them,” I said nervously.
“Thought you’d say that, so I’m staying.” I kissed Sophia’s head as her eyes finally shut. Rickey shut the light off and lay behind me.
“How is it having them here?”
“It’s good. I missed them.” I sighed as I ran my fingers through Sophia’s hair.
“Her hair is getting so long.”
“She’s getting long.”
“That too, our baby girl is growing up. Sometimes I just sit with Ellie and think back to when Sophia was that small. It was such a rough time, but she was worth it.”
“Spending this time with Ellie, makes me realize how much I missed from her life. There’s not a day I don’t regret that.”
“You’re here now and that’s what’s important.”
“I guess. Next time it won’t be like that.”
“It better not be or I will kick your ass.” We laughed and Sophia stirred in her sleep.
“Will you hold me?” He moved closer wrapping his arms around me. My head was on his arm while the other one was holding me and Soph. I felt him kiss the back of my head then I was out.