It’s been a week now, since I got nearly raped by that German officer. Alex reported him to cover himself, just in case of any accusations for the gun threat or hitting.
The two Soviets, who had killed Otto and injured Alex now have been captured and awaiting for trial.
Last night, I had a horrible nightmare. I was running through the forest, chased by some Soviet soldiers. Somehow, I found myself by the black high fence and by running alongside, I managed to get to the gates. I climbed over and transferred myself to the other side. I could see them chasing me, when I had looked back. I was crying, breathing fast and at some point, I fell over...then I woke up.
I was petrified and relieved that it was just a bad dream. Then, I began to think, what it meant. Was the dream trying to warn me or tell me something?
Alex is waiting for me in the car. I’ve just finished the lessons. He offered to drop me off home, but before that, he wants to show me his flat and the office. I am curious about the way he lives, his belongings. Perhaps, I’ll see some photographs.
He knows a lot about me and I know only, what he told me. He discovered my little world and I want to explore his...
We are approaching his flat. We have reached the first floor. Alex is opening the door and now I am able to see the first appearance of his world. The wooden, brown floor makes exactly the same sound as in the gallery below. In opposite the entrance, there is a pretty little desk by the wall with a mirror hanging above. The left and the right side of the room has a small window. The room has a large bed on the left and a dining table on the right. Coming closer to the desk, I can see some photos in frames. Approaching the desk, I look at each photograph. Alex follows me, describing each photo. He introduces me his mother and father. Studying the photos, I have noticed an incredible resemblance between the father and the son.
I have also found some books on the desks: poetry by Goethe and Schiller.
- Do you read Goethe? I ask surprisedly.
- Yes, I do.
Quietly, I am reading some fragments, when Alex embraces me from behind and gently begins to kiss my neck. I turn around facing him. I can smell his amazing aftershave. He is looking deeply into my eyes saying: - You are so pretty, Laura.
He’s touching my face, bringing closer to his and puts his lips to mine. We are kissing each other with passion and desire that I’ve never experienced in my life.
Finally, Alex lifts me up and sits me down on the desk. We carry on kissing. After while, he puts his hand on my breast and gently presses. Soon after, he puts his hand under my green dress and touches my skin on my belly and back. After that, he moves his hand to my breasts.
I cannot resist. I am losing control. I am losing myself and I can feel that he is losing himself too.
Alex lifts me up again and transfers us onto his bed. He lies me down onto a dark red blanket with some white roses. He pulls my knickers off, then he takes his top off and unbuckles his belt. The trousers fall down on the floor.
I take my dress off and put down it on the side. He is looking at me for while like enchanted.
I am feeling a bit embarrassed, sitting in front of him completely naked. I am watching him naked for the first time. Oh God, he is so handsome... I have never been with a man in that situation. I can see, that he is excited...
- Lets jump under the duvet. He says.
I slip myself slowly under the duvet and lie down on my back. After a while, Alex joins me, gently lying himself down on me.
- Yes, my darling?
- I have never done this before.
Alex is looking into my eyes now in silence, then he puts a delicate smile on his face and replies with pride in his eyes:
- Do not be afraid. I’ll be gentle as much as I can.
I can feel the combination of pain and pleasure, his breath on my skin, kisses on my neck. My tears are flowing down the cheeks. After while, the pain is gone. We cannot be any closer. Slowly and deeply, he is pushing himself into my body. From time to time, he holds my hands at looks into my eyes, asking:
- Are you alright my sweetheart?
My short and quiet answer: - Yes.
We are now laying in bed. Alex is cuddling me and from time to time kisses me on the cheek or forehead. I hold his strong, perfectly shaped hand. I kiss the fingers and after that I put his hand on my chest.
- I love you, Laura. He says.
I’m now taking a look into his eyes and reply: - I love you too, Alex.
- I’m planning to abscond Gdansk and move over to Bavaria for some time then I will move over to England. I want you to go with me. After all, I will marry you...with your permission of course.
We keep looking at each other.
Alex: - What is your answer?
Me: - We are enemies and lovers, but I trust you. And if this is the only way, then yes, I will go with you.
Alex: - Will you marry me?
I am feeling touched and happy, so the only answer can be: - Yes.
After half an hour, Alex gets up from bed and begins to run the bath saying to me: - Will you join me in the bath?
With a little smile, wrapped up in a cosy blanket, I reply: - Why not?
Alex jumps on to bed, slowly moves himself towards me, then puts his lips to mine.
In the bath, surrounded by his arms, I can feel like I would fall asleep. I am feeling so comfortable and secure. He kisses my neck and holds me tight like he is afraid that I may escape from him...
The sound of warm water when we move in and the candle light make me feel so relaxed. Alex is a master of touch and kiss. He is making me so happy.
The evening has come and it is time for to go home. Before we leave, Alex wants me to wait for a while, because he needs to find something... I’m sitting patiently on his bed with a cup of tea.
After few minutes, Alex is coming back. He sits down by my side, takes my left hand and puts a beautiful golden ring with blue aquamarine on my ring finger, saying: - It belonged to my mum.
I am feeling so special now. The ring is so exquisite and charming. I love it! - Thank you darling. He kisses me and says: - This ring is very special to me, so I decided to give it to girl I would marry.
I kiss him on a cheek and say: - Thank you. I’m sure it means a lot to you. You mean a lot to me and the ring will remind me of you, every time when I look at it.
- Alright, my princess, it is time to get you back home...
Hilda’s family has gone back to Berlin again and the flat is available. Her son, Juergen will return one day due to his service in the army.
Alex has dropped me off home and returns to his flat. He plans to pack up tonight and pick me up tomorrow morning. I need to pack up my stuff, but first I need to talk to my mum. I have so much to tell her. I am so excited to show her my engagement ring!
Coming in to the house I can see mama in the kitchen preparing food for supper
- Where have you been so long? I was worried about you! I need to talk to you. Mama seems concerned.
- I have been with Alex. He has shown me his flat. I need to tell you something very important.
Mama: - You are looking very happy. What is it that you want to tell me about?
I am pulling slowly my hand out in the direction of her face. - Look mama, I am engaged to Alex.
Mama is looking at me then at my ring with shock. After the moment, the smile appears on her face. She gives me a hug and says: - Congratulations. The ring is so beautiful. He has it done it so quickly then.
- What? I can’t understand.
Mama: - Alex has asked me for your hand once. One day, he came in his uniform, while being on duty, I guess. You were at the school. He asked me, if I wouldn’t mind if he married you. I was surprised, but eventually I responded to his query. I have given him permission.
- So, you have expected that to happen.
- I am happy for you, if you are happy my darling.
- Mama, there is something else that I need to tell you. Alex has made decision that tomorrow morning, we are leaving Poland to go to Bavaria, his home. He has arranged everything, planned for a long time. I don’t know the details. He didn’t want to tell me much for safety reasons. This is the secret. You mustn’t tell anyone. If his bosses find out, we both will be punished by death. Alex says, that Russians are taking over...
- I will lose you then...
- Mama, Russian soldiers are searching houses for Germans, therefore the Germans have to move back. Alex has told me, that if the Soviets find a German soldier, they kill him. They have order to kill men and rape women. We have no option but to leave, before it turns badly for all of us.
Mama: - I understand that. You are right. You two must abscond. It’s not safe here, never has been.
After while mama carries on: - I need to tell you something. You have actually mentioned about the Russians looking for German soldiers. We have been keeping two young German army men in the attic. One of them is Hilda’s son, Juergen. They have asked us for not telling anyone. I am petrified. I hope, we are not going to get into troubles for that.
Me: - We will be fine, mama. God has kept us safe. I need to go and pack up my stuff. Alex will be here in the early morning. I’m sorry, I haven’t given you much notice. I promise to keep in touch.
Mama: - I understand my dear. This is your future, your new life. He is your fiancé now. There is something else, that I need to tell you... You know, me and Jean Roche have been working closely for the last couple of months. He is a very carrying person, supports...He is charming...
Me: - You love him...
Mama: - Yes, I do. I also have to tell you that...I am pregnant with him.
Me: - I ...do not know, what to say. Des anyone know about it?
Mama: - You and Jean. It will be visible soon. It’s third month, according to my count. The doctor has confirmed.
Me: - It seems, you have forgotten about dad so soon.
Mama: - I haven’t seen your father for so long...It just happens, the war has changed everything, our lives, circumstances. We are forced to seek alternative routes, opportunities...Jean will become a member of our family.
Me: - I have no more to say... Perhaps I need to go to sleep, get over. I need time to accept the new situation.
Mama: - I understand. You are surprised, shocked, maybe disappointed...
Me: - Goodnight mama. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, before we leave.
Mama with tears in her eyes: - Goodnight my angel. We are both in tears...
I am kissing Wanda while she is asleep. My little brother is awake. I have talked to him about my journey.
Alex has just arrived. He has fetched a huge horse with him. The horse is loaded with bags and blankets. Alex has packed up a tent and as much food as possible. Mama gives us some supplies too. They talk for a while.
- What is the plan? How are we going to leave the city? I ask.
- You will sit on the horse in front of me. Alex replies. We will walk towards the forest.
- They may search us. We will look like refugees. I express my concerns.
Alex: - Fine! I have got an idea. You will be stepping behind the horse with your hands tied. You will be my hostage. When we reach the forest, you will join me on the horse.
Me: - That sounds like a good idea, but remember, I cannot walk fast.
Alex: - I assume, you cannot my lady.
Mama and I have said, “goodbye”
According to the plan, Alex takes a rope and ties my hands up, then he sits down on the horse. Mama kisses my forehead and then we set off.