Little fucker! I’ve told you time-and-time again, not to leave your shoes on the fucking stairs!”
My Daddy calls out. I’m not moving though, only because if I do; he’ll hurt me. Daddy hurts me all the time. He doesn’t like it when I’m naughty, so I stay in my hiding spot where they can’t find me. I’m so scared if he finds me he’ll punish me. He’ll make me sleep in the cage again. I don’t like the cage, it’s so dark.
I hear him again. He’s banging and scraping something against the walls. I think he’s hitting it with his belt. I know he’s looking for me. He’s not shouting yet, but he is getting closer.
With every bang, I jump. With every step he draws closer, I shake more. I’m so scared of what’s to come when eventually, he finds me.
The door to the kitchen cupboard suddenly swings wide open, and I’m face to face with my daddy.
He’s standing there looking so mad, I actually wee myself.
I’m so scared.
“Daddy, NO! I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. I’ll be good, I promise.”
My eyes go wide when I see his fist heading towards me. As it nears my face, I squeeze my eyes shut. I’m bracing myself for the impact.
Once again, darkness finally hits me. The darkness never leaves...
The pain never leaves.
I’m so hungry. Mummy and daddy eat, only I’m not allowed. Not until they’re finished.
If they have any left I can have it, but sometimes there’s none left for me. I have to wait until they eat again. Sometimes I can go a full day without food.
I eat at school when my Mummy takes me. I can eat there, but I’m always hungry.
I sneaked into the teacher’s room today. They have biscuits in a cupboard. So when they’re not in there I sneak in. My teacher found me today.
She caught me eating the biscuits. She took me to the nurse. She’s seen the black marks on my body, and I tried to hide them, just as Mummy said, but they stopped me.
They’d seen them it was too late and I couldn’t hide them anymore.
My Mummy and Daddy will be cross with me, they’ll put me in the cage again.
I don’t like the cage. It’s dark.
I cry, only because I’m so scared. The teacher wraps me in her arms when she touches me I jump away from her. I don’t like it because Daddy said that I’m not allowed cuddles.
I’m now in a new home but I don’t like it they don’t understand me. The other kids don’t like me either. No, because they said I’m strange.
They asked why I don’t talk. I don’t talk because I don’t like it here they try to get me to talk but I don’t want to.
I smashed her favourite ornaments today she was cross and she said she’s had enough of me that I’m a bad boy. She spoke to Jane on her phone and Jane came and took me away.
I’m in another foster home. It’s okay, but they’re old people. They don’t go anywhere, but the church. They talk about Jesus all the time I don’t like it.
The man left her he’s not coming back. She said she can’t take care of me now and, I’d have to go to, another family, one who’ll be able to look after me better.
I’m in another home. This one has lots of other kids like me. They don’t like me either, because I beat one of them up for calling me names. They always pick fights with me I don’t want to fight. Jane said I need to be a good boy. Otherwise, they’re going to move me again. I don’t want to move again.
I moved again Jim and Lana. I don’t like them they look like them. The ones who used to hurt me they look so mean. They don’t like me either they don’t understand me.
They don’t understand why I don’t like them to hold my hand. They don’t understand why I don’t like the dark. They just don’t understand. Only she understands the lady at my school. She’s nice she listens and she waits for when I’m ready to talk.
She’s nice. We had a Halloween party today at school. I’ve never dressed up for Halloween before it was fun. I smiled for the first time it felt strange but good. I liked it only Miss Adams makes me smile.
I like her very much.