She quietly stared at the reflection in front of her, repulsed by the image. Her knuckles were badly bleeding, it stung but she didn't care. The mirror still stood at its place, not a single crack covering the clean mirror.
It was just another example of how weak she was.
Heaving a sigh, she turned the faucet off, washing the blood away. There were little cuts littering her hands, they didn't seem too deep.
She hoped they were though.
Shaking away her thoughts, she went to sit down on the bed. She wasn't going to sleep. Sleep was something that she had been deprived of for a while now.
It was also an example of how weak she was that only a few days was all it took to break her.
Jax had finally decided to leave her after the doctor called him to talk about Selena and Hazel. It hurt her to know that one of her best friends was no more but for some reason, she didn't feel the pain. She didn't feel the emotions hit her, she didn't feel the demons screeching at her, she didn't feel the guilt hit her. She felt numb.
It was an odd feeling but surely welcomed. She was tired of the continuous pain and ache. She was so tired. She just wanted everything to end, her desperation was pushing her.
She would end it all.
Whenever she would think of that, one thought would hit her. If Xavier woke up, what would he think? She didn't want to hurt him. She was done harboring all this guilt, she didn't want to add on to it.
But she was tired.
She didn't possess the hope she used to. She didn't even possess emotions. She had become a shell of the person she used to be. She had long forgotten how she used to be. Even if she tried to dig deep into her thoughts, all she could find was pain.
Her wolf hadn't talked to her in so long. The almost loss of their mate had affected her deeply. She had blocked her out.
Everyone was starting to disappear from her life.
He was the only one she had. She wasn't sure what she would do without him, he was her confidant, her support. She didn't want to imagine the pain he would go through if she left as well. They both only had each other for now.
They will forget about me soon enough.
Hazel would wake up and the both of them will live happily. Xavier would find someone else whom he loves and forget about her, continue running the pack and have adorable kids. She was sure he would be a great father. Harmony would grow up and definitely will forget her, she will find her mate and be happy. Carlos will find his mate while Carson will also find someone whom he loves. Mom would get better as well.
Everyone would forget her one day. They wouldn't remember her forever.
She wasn't sure what sin she had committed which had resulted in all this heartache but she was sure that she couldn't survive long going on like this. It all was too much.
"They'll forget me," She whispered quietly, lightly swaying, her lips turning into a small smile. "They will. I know they will." She took a deep breath and brought the dagger that she had been keeping under the bed up.
Twirling it around, she stared at the clean and sharp blade which reflected her face. It was a beautiful dagger. Her eyes remained focused on it for a while, her body still gently swaying back and forth.
She was so tempted to just slide it across her pale skin and end it all but something in her stopped her from doing so.
Her hand tightly clutched around the dagger, ready to turn it around and end it all but she couldn't. She couldn't. It frustrated her to no end.
Why did she have to be so weak? Why couldn't she just do a single thing? Why did she have to fail at everything? She failed at being a good daughter, a good mate and a good friend.
She was just a burden. She wasn't required. Trouble, that's all she had managed to cause. If she wasn't already chained into a dark place, her mother's words had surely thrown her into the deepest pits of darkness. All she had now were her thoughts and her thoughts only consisted of one thing;
Taking in a deep breath, she controlled the tears of frustration she badly wanted to release. Scoffing, she threw the dagger across the room. It softly landed on the plush carpet.
"Why do you have to be so weak? Why?" She yelled, fisting her blonde locks. She wanted to scream.
"You shouldn't even exist. Why did you even have to be born?" This time, her voice had dropped to a whisper. It was so quiet that one would've barely caught on to it.
She was about to step up and grab the dagger again, hopefully ending it, but was stopped by a panicky Jax barging into her room.
His eyes were widened while his hair looked disheveled. He looked like a mess.
His eyes frantically moved from her to the shiny dagger lying on the floor, widening at the sight of the masterpiece. His mouth slightly opened as hurt and pain flashed across his eyes.
"W-what were you doing?" He mumbled, his eyes still not leaving the dagger. The pain in his voice was enough to make her feel even more guilty than before. Was she really going to go ahead and leave him when she was the only one he had? How could she be so selfish.
"Something that really needed to be done." At her words, his eyes snapped towards her. Taking in a sharp breath, he frowned at her, his lips turning into a thin line. "Don't give up so easily, Ann. Please don't. This way you are letting that evil man win, I'm sure you don't want that." His words spoke the truth. Of course she didn't want Damon to win.
She hated him.
"I can't anymore. I just can't. It's all too much. He broke me, Jax. He broke me." She whispered, staring at her lap through her blurry vision. She heard rustling and felt warm hands on her cheeks.
"Hey, don't say that. You can't let him break you, Ann. You have to stay strong. You have to fight those demons away! You have to win this battle." His words would just remain words. It was always easier said than done but she still appreciated his help. She knew she had at least someone to rely on.
"I'm not strong. I'm weak and pathetic." She mumbled, still not looking up. She felt ashamed for being so weak. How she wished she was stronger.
"Stop, don't you dare say that! You are the strongest person I have ever seen. You have to believe me." He spoke once again, lightly scolding her for thinking so less of herself. He knew she was going through a lot and being strong through something like this would be a tough job but he really hoped she would try.
"I don't know, Jax. I don't know anything anymore at this point. I want to give up so badly but deep within me, something is stopping me. I don't know what to do. I'm torn." She fumbled with her fingers, quietly whispering. The hands removed themselves from her cheek and she saw him stand up.
He strolled towards the dagger, picking it up before turning towards her."Would you be happy if I just slit my throat with it right now?" His words surprised her. She looked at him with wide eyes shaking her head 'no'. Why would that ever make her happy?
"Well then I don't want you to do the same as well. Now you know how it feels so please, try to hold on a little longer." She nodded her head hesitantly.
He gave her a small smile before giving her a warm hug. Something she didn't know she needed until that moment. She felt the tears rise and this time she didn't try to hold them back. She let it all out.
"Shh, it's all going to be okay very soon. It's all going to get better." He whispered in her ear, rubbing her back in a comforting manner. She nodded her head, crying silently.
"Thank you so much for always being here." She said as soon as she pulled away. He gave her a small smile, shaking his head. "I'll always be here, isn't that what friends are for?" A ghost of a smile appeared on her face at his words. She was so glad to have someone like him.
"Well, now I think you should sleep, those bags under your eyes don't look very nice." He pinched her cheeks, laughing lightly at the scowl that formed on her face at his actions.
"You're not very nice sometimes, you know that." She scoffed, rubbing her cheeks. He laughed lightly, nodding his head before replying, "I definitely do."
"Now hurry up. Go to sleep." He instructed her with a fake stern face. She just shook her head at his childish antics.
She was about to send him a retort when the wild knocking at her door started, making her heart almost leap out of her chest. Jax immediately grew rigid. Slowly turning, he raised his head, taking a whiff of the scent and relaxed slightly when he realized that it wasn’t anyone unknown.
He moved towards the door with careful and calculated steps, his stance was defensive in case something bad was to happen. He opened the door and stared at the heavily breathing doctor, he seemed panicked. His whole form was trembling as he panted.
“What happened doctor? Everything alright?” He asked the doctor as soon as he stopped panting heavily. He stared at Jax with wide eyes, shaking his head ‘no’ rapidly. His eyes reflected fear.
Hearing him, she immediately stood up straight, her heart pounding rapidly in her chest. She dreaded what the doctor had to say. The doctor took a deep breath before replying with some rather disturbing and terrifying words.
“The alpha is not in his room.”
"W-what do you mean he's not in his room?" She asked, standing up and staring at the panicked doctor. He just rapidly shook his head, saying, "He wasn't in his room when I went in to check his vitals. No one even saw him leave."
Taking in a deep breath, she tried to push the tears forming at the back of her eyes and tried to mind link him.
Xavier, are you there? Please I need you.
She waited for a response. She waited but got nothing except silence. Her bottom lip quivered as she fisted her hands, trying her hardest not to cry. Taking in another deep breath, she composed herself, removing any trace of emotions from her face and stood up straight.
"Take me there," She paused before adding, "Now." The doctor nodded and the three of them left. "Jax, call the pack warriors and make them check the whole pack territory." Jax immediately nodded before his eyes clouded, indicating that he was mind linking the warriors.
"They'll have the whole territory checked in no time." She nodded at his words before turning towards the doctor who was quietly following them. She didn't completely trust the doctor as well. He might as well be working with him.
A bad taste settled in her mouth at his mention. Oh, how badly she wanted to get rid of that monster. He deserved death.
“When was the last time you saw him?” She decided to ask the doctor out of a sudden, making him pause for a second. He nervously started, just managing to increase her suspicion, “About an hour or two ago, luna.” A single nod was the reply he received.
Arriving at the infirmary, she threw a glance at all the panicked doctors running around. Their faces held fear and worry. She stared at the door that led to his room for a while. She wasn't sure how she was going to step in there but she knew if she didn't then possibly no one would.
The moment she stepped into his room, she was hit by his scent. The bedsheets looked slightly wrinkled while the drips were lying on the floor, the tubes attached to them broken. The oxygen masked also laid on the floor in one corner.
"The camera footage?" She asked the doctor, her eyes still fixed on the crumpled bed sheets. "Someone had turned the cameras off. We have nothing." The doctor replied, his voice slightly wavering. She nodded her head before closing her eyes so the doctor wouldn't know that she was mindlinking Jax.
I don't trust this doctor. Could you see the footage for yourself?
I'll see myself. Even if the footage was somehow taken away, how did they manage to get out without being caught? There are doctors all over the place and so are warriors. It would be impossible to do such a thing.
His response was quick and very much true. It was rather surprising how they had managed to go away with a man above the height of six feet and a build that would make one drop to their knees out of fear.
There was absolutely no doubt in her mind that it was Damon but still, she so badly wanted the thought to be false. She didn’t want her mate suffering because of her as well. She didn’t want to harbor anymore guilt. It was hard enough as it was, she didn’t want more to add onto it. At that moment she was determined.
She was going to find him even if it took her own self to do so.
Let me just start off by saying I am extremely sorry for the late update. My grandmother hasn't been really well these past few weeks and everything has been just so hectic.
I'm sorry for bringing even more sadness but the next chapter is bad but not that bad so uhm that's that.
And well, I turned fifteen today so that's that.
Thank you so much for reading! Hope you like the next chapter as well even though I highly doubt it.