That Matteo my own brother, who shared many moments together, fights, laughs, birthdays, everything he has said those things about me it is the worst pain a person can feel, betrayal, humiliation, the nerve to say all those ugly things, i thought i knew him but i was wrong,iI do not know him anymore, i do not know who Matteo is for me, i have a thousand thoughts in my head and none can come to understand.
The next morning, i woke up with a headache, i went to the bathroom and looking at the mirror you can see my red and swollen eyes from so much crying, i do not want my parents to see me like this, except to please Fiorella and Matteo so i took a bath, put on comfortable clothes and with a smile i left my room to go to the kitchen, where everyone was eating breakfast.
There they were all, my father at the tip of the table, on the right my mother, Dexter on the left, Matteo at the end of the table and Fiorella beside him, all eating calmly and with a comfortable silence. When i was walking everyone heard my steps and they raised their heads to look at me, i could tell how my parents looked at me with love and admiration, my brother Dexter with pride, Fiorella just looked at me with a satisfaction of having won and Matteo, in his eyes you could noticing the disappointment and hatred i had towards me, i ignored it and went to sit next to Dexter, they served me breakfast and i started to eat quietly, until my mother called me:
“How did you sleep, my daughter?”
“Fine mama, my head hurts a little but i’m fine”
“Does your head hurt? Do you need anything?”
“I’m fine, sure for everything that happened yesterday”
“Okay, if you needed anything, you just have to tell me”
“In fact, i need something but from dad”
Everyone looked at me and then at my father, he raised his head from the plate and looked at me:
“Yes daughter, how can i help you?”
“I need you to get me the flight to Spain, i will leave tomorrow”
Silence flooded in the kitchen, nobody talked or ate, everyone was surprised by my recent decision.
“Are you sure? Don’t you think it’s too soon?”
“No, i decided yesterday, i want to leave as soon as possible so i can adapt there and while i know where i will study. Is there a problem?”
“Not any, my daughter, only the news surprised me but if you’re sure then i have no problem, i’ll talk to our pilot to prepare the private plane for tomorrow”
“No dad, i can go in economy class”
“Of course not, you will leave as you should, you are part of the family and no child of mine will leave with that privilege”
In that i feel that someone grabs me by the arm and takes me to my father’s office with a rapidity and a force that makes my arm ache and forms a bruise, when entering he throw me inside and when i look i see that it is Matteo that lock the door and look at me with contempt as if it were about to explode.
“Why?” He tells me in his broken voice and with anger.
I was afraid to answer, i never saw him so angry in my life, he is an understandable, attentive, affectionate person with me but i never thought that i would be afraid now, of my own brother.
“ANSWER ME WHY!?”
I suddenly jumped at his scream, i felt like my body began to shake and little by little he approached me and i took steps back to get away. I arm myself with courage and i could answer:
“Why i’m leaving? You want to know why?”
“I want to try to understand, but i can’t get a good reason, so tell me why are you leaving?
“I’m leaving because there is an opportunity for me in Spain, i’m not leaving for not being part of the Mafia, i want to fulfill my dream”
“Is that the only reason? Just because you want to fulfill a stupid dream? Don’t see me the idiot face Rosemary, tell me the real reason.”
“Because Matteo is my decision, i will not be alone, i will be with the grandparents, we can talk on Skype or by phone, we will be in touch”
“Are you leaving because i didn’t reciprocate your feelings?” That question made my body nervous, he would have discovered why i’m leaving?
“This has nothing to do with my feelings”
He began to slowly approach me, while i was stepping back, he was stepping forward, it seemed intimidating it seemed that i had no way out until my back was touching the wall and he put his arms around my head trying not to escape, we were never so close to each other, i could feel his breathing and his eyes were full of anger. Automatically my head went down looking at the floor.
“Look me in the eye and tell me you’re not leaving because i don’t feel the same as you”
I could not look him in the eye, i wanted to be strong, i wanted to lie to him and tell him that i no longer feel things for him, but i would be lying to myself, i leave because i can not be close to him, watching as he flirt with Fiorella and i watching like a stupid besides this is wrong, we are brothers we can not be like that.
“Rosemary, look at me and tell me” Her voice was powerful and serious. I looked into his eyes and forcefully pushed him back.
“Okay, i’m leaving for you, i’m leaving because i can’t stand seeing you with your girl, i’m leaving because it hurts to feel this and you’re the only one who doesn’t feel anything, i’m already a coward but if i go i can forget you, i can go ahead and maybe fall in love with someone else and you will be free to be with whoever you want”
I let out everything i felt and what i thought, let him know my feelings once more, i want to forget this, i don’t want to feel more pain, i want to be free and someone loves me. I could feel my tears starting to get out of my eyes wetting my cheeks, i seem pathetic now and more if he is looking at me. There was a silence in the room, only my agitated breathing was heard and my silent crying he didn’t say anything just looking at me. No sign, no word, nothing from him.
Suddenly he approached me and put his hands on my cheeks trying to dry my tears, my body was shaking and more tears came out. He surrounded me with his arms and was hugging me tightly, kissing me on the forehead and stroking my back.
“I do not want you to forget me, i do not want to be the person that destroys your dreams and your feelings, i know that i do not feel the same as you but you know that i love you and much. I do not want you to leave, i can’t protect you if you’re far from us”
I separated from him and looked at him with disappointment and hate in my eyes.
“You think that i am a very easy girl, that i cannot defend myself, from everything that my father taught me i cannot put it into practice, i already know that i do not use weapons and the only thing with which i handle myself better with knives or arts martial, but i’m not a baby anymore, i grew up and i can defend myself ”
“But i can’t and i don’t want to let someone hurt you, you’re my only sister and i love you. It would hurt if something happened to you and i’m not there to take care of you, besides everyone knows who we are, they know our faces, they can recognize you, besides there will be many boys around you”
“Stop treating me like a helpless, innocent baby because i am not. I am not like that, i never care about danger because my father taught me to be strong, i was strong when i lived on the street with Dexter until you rescued me, but no i will allow you to humiliate me in this way, you are nobody to tell me all this. NOBODY!”
“I am the fool to feel this, i only look for pain and disappointment, i alone enter this hole that i can not get out”
I looked into his eyes and said:
““Why do you make me feel all this pain that i feel, why can’t you see that i need to leave, get away from here, get away from you?”
“No, of course not, because in the world where we live it is very dangerous, i can give you a safe and normal life that you want, i can’t lose you and i don’t want to, it would kill me if something happened to you”
I don’t know what to think or react, but this must end. I walked away from him and did something i didn’t think he would do. I gave him a kiss on the lips. Yes, i kissed him something that i surprised myself by that movement, when i kissed him i quickly closed my eyes so as not to see him and i could notice the surprise and as his body was shaking, it was a short kiss but for me it was the best of my life, i quickly separated from him and when he opened his eyes there he was standing in front of me and with his eyes wide open. We didn’t say anything, we just looked at each other.
“In this way, i can remember for just a moment that we were in the same harmony and with the same feelings, do not hate me, just let me take this memory with me and i promise you that i will forget you and you will only be my brother Matteo from now on"
That said, i started walking towards the exit and closed the door behind me, i wanted to cry, i wanted to scream, i wanted to break every thing that was around me, but nothing came out, i didn’t feel anything at this moment , just to think that for a moment i could feel those lips that i wanted to kiss so much and that memory will always take me in my memory and in my heart, i looked in the mirror and promised myself that i would change, that it would be another and that i would look for my happiness even if it’s not next to Matteo.
“Spain, there i go”
Vote ~ Comment ~ Shared.