Dexter (twenty years old)
This days was very tired for all of us, first Matteo’s cold behavior towards others, then the mom and dad fight and adding Rosemary’s trip. The house had become a tornado about to take everything away and destroy what little we had. Starting with Matteo, since the little chat with my sister he has become a quiet man, always with a bad face and screaming for everything, every night i had to go looking for him to a club because he always ended up drunk or in a fight, he is locked up in his world and does not want to talk to anyone, he has a depressing mood, without wanting to talk or eat, the last time he ended up in the hospital for having caused a fight to a boy in the club and he received more blow than his adversary seemed that he let himself be beaten and he didn’t care about anything.
I always tried to talk to him but Matteo ended up ignoring me and closing the door in my face, sometimes it didn’t appear for days and then it appeared as if nothing had happened, Dad was worried about Matteo’s behavior to the point of locking him in his room as punishment, the maids just gave the necessary food and then left him alone, mom was arguing with dad about that issue and most of the time i and my sister could hear them yelling at each other and mom ended up crying, she told us she was convincing dad that Matteo goes to a therapist to see what causes his behavior but dad said he had to face this as a man and catch up with the situation, which Mom didn’t like at all.
It was hard for me, but the sad thing was that Rose’s trip was tomorrow, i didn’t want her to leave, we were always together, we never separated, we are very close and i was always next to her to protect her and give her the best, but i understood that she was already a woman and that she had to see the world, meet new people and experience new things so i was prepared to let her go, and it would be a few years that she would be out of Italy and i know she would be protected by our grandparents.
I was in Rosemary’s room helping her tidy up her things and pack her bags and the things she would take to Spain, mom had gone shopping with my aunt (dad’s sister) and my dad was in his office fixing some of the problems Mafia, we had learned that someone had destroyed a hiding place we had and some people who work with us had died, Dad had helped the families of the deceased and promised him their protection.
Matteo as always locked in his room until he changed his attitude and thought with a cold head, Dad was watching him every hour and seeing if he needed anything, one day dad went to see him and there we learned that he he started talking and opening up with our dad, we were impressed but we knew he was trying to change and that was a great step and a courage that we admired about him.
Things in the house were slowly returning to normal and that was a good start for us, after having helped Rosemary we had a serious conversation, i told her to take great care and have a nice time on her trip, that we were always in touch and send me many photos, i told her that i loved her and that i would always be with her in every decision she chooses, i kissed her on the head and a hug her and let her sleep, i closed the door slowly and i was heading towards the kitchen to go get some water until i hear someone was calling me, when i turn around i see Matteo’s door half open, i was curious as i approached slowly and being near the door i heard the voice of my brother.
“I know you’re there, come in i want to talk to you brother”
I was surprised that he was finally starting to talk to me, so slowly i entered his room and closed the door behind me, when i turned around i could notice the disaster inside, clothes lying on the floor, a broken piece of furniture, the bed unattended and in it Matteo sat, with his knees glued to his chest and staring at me.
“What a mess you have here brother” I said the first words that came to my head while i sat next to him. Matteo just looked at me attentively as if for the first time he had seen me in his life, he seemed suspicious but i understood why, he was always locked in here and had no contact with anyone.
“I know, my life turned into a disaster”
“What happened to you Matteo? As you were acting strange, you are not one of the people shouting and ignoring everyone, we always talk about our problems and now i don’t even know you”
“I know” I could tell how some tears in his eyes began to come out. I was sad and sad for him, my brother was a strong, determined person, he was not afraid of anything, what happened to him to change so much?
“This all started when i found out about Rosemary’s trip”
What does my sister have to do with all this?
“My sister? Our sister? Did she do something to you or did she tell you something?”
“She told me something that made me change my mind and i understood what i felt late”
I don’t understand where this conversation is going.
“A few days ago after having a conversation with Rosemary in our father’s office, i needed to understand why she suddenly wanted to move to Spain, why she wanted to leave me and leave us all. We talked and she told me the real reasons, i knew it was for me, i knew that she still had feelings for me, i wanted to deny it but inside of me i knew the truth, so she told me in my face and then told me that she would do the possible to forget me”
“I knew she felt things for you, but you made it clear that you didn’t feel the same”
“I know, but after that kiss everything changed”
“You kissed her? You’re an idiot, how could you do it, i know she isn’t your blood sister but it’s a very bad thing”
“Calm down, i didn’t do anything, she was the one who kissed me”
A lot of information accumulated in my head, was about to explode.
“I will try to calm down and understand the situation”
“Thank you, it was a short but very strong kiss for me, it made my heart beat strong, my body was getting used to the heat of it, it seemed that time had stopped but lasted a few minutes, but it was the best kiss I could receive”
“But Fiorella? If you feel that for my sister for just one kiss, then for Fiorella what do you feel?”
"“I don’t know, i have mixed feelings, i love Fiorella but what i felt at the time with Rosemary made me change my mind”
“What do you mean?” I knew what this was all about, i knew he was denying his true feelings, for fear of everything, how our parents would react, the danger that she could become in the Mafia, the rejection, the world, everything.
“These days i only realized how wrong i was, at first i love Fiorella but then i began to see Rosemary’s growth, she was becoming a beautiful woman, with a good heart, a very brave and rough attitude, those eyes that always captivated me, that long and silky hair that sometimes i wanted to caress, that delicate and soft skin that i wanted to touch so many times, those perfect and pink lips that i wanted to taste so much, i wanted everything from her and i as stupid always chose to ignore her and suppress my feelings, i knew i was wrong to feel those perverse things of my little “sister”, for fear of how our parents would react, to the dangerous world we had, to her rejection, to everything but i’m losing it, i’m losing it Dexter, i don’t want to repress these feelings anymore, i want everyone to know”
“Know what Matteo? I knew the answer but i wanted him to tell me.
“I am in love with Rosemary Santoro”
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