Hi, everyone! Just wanted to say that I hope everyone is staying safe and caring for loved ones. I won't mention the virus in this book anymore than this because I want people to forget about shit for a few minutes or however long it takes to read this chapter/Book.
So, from Alex, stay safe and healthy❤
Short chapter today, I got assignments due for my online school that need finished. Just a filler, next will be more exciting😊
I can't focus on making dinner for the boys, even as Robert nudges my arm for the fourth time and tells me to pay attention before I burn whatever it was I am cooking on the stove. It's been days since the bodies where found and I'm just waiting for Seàn to appear in the same state as them.
The man that they confirmed was related to the murders, Tavion I think, keeps pushing into my thoughts. What ifs flying around nonstop and causing me to lose focus. What if he knew where our men are? If he had, did he talk to them? Tell them information that could help them escape? Try to help them- and himself?
I can't stop myself from picturing the scene where we find Seàn and Lewis— both good and bad.
The scene where there's cameras and police and news reporters, where there's a crowd filled with gasps as they see two unrecognizable bodies like the others. Only we know because Seàn has that beautiful, colorful tattoo of a small cabin surrounded by trees on his upper arm, and Zyon is crying and trying to go to him where he lays on the hard, cold ground. I'd have to hold him and comfort him and myself.
Tommy would break down next to us, having to be held by Robert who also cries.
Then there's the good scene where we're waiting in the police department, or wherever is closes to our men. Zyon being on high alert for Seàn and Tommy the same for Lewis. When finally, the doors open and we see Seàn and Lewis walk in, either banged up and wrapped in bandages or limping with broken bones.
The boys would run at them and be wrapped in strong arms and receive long kisses, Seàns smile so big it hurts my own cheeks. Then when he touches me I might allow myself to break down, allow his touch to reassure me and comfort me. Reveal in the firmness of his hands, the strength in his arms as he hugs us.
Blinking I look next to me at Robert, my friend is staring at me as if he sees another person yet I notice some grief and sadness in his eyes. "I'll finish cooking. You need to sit down, go sit with Zyon and Tom."
Usually, I would insist on cooking; I like the action of doing so and the response I get from Zyon and Seàn. But I know I'm not in the same mindset I normally am and cooking might as well be lighting gasoline, if I don't focus I'll burn down the kitchen.
So I don't argue and let him take over as I turn and walk to the living room, Zyon is instantly looking my way and raising his arms. He had been watching some cartoon with blank eyes, I'm sure he wasn't actually paying attention.
I pick him up and sit in the space he previously was, placing him on my lap. The boy is quick to cuddle into my chest with his head under my chin and his legs to his chest, I can only hug him to me.
Tommy is in the guest room, has been for a few hours. He had asked to go sleep but I doubt he is, Robert has checked in on him and heard some small whimpers and moans through the door. I can safely assume that Tommy is remembering what Lewis would do if he was here. Honestly, I'm of jealous.
I can only imagine what it'd be like to have sex with Seàn, and Zyon of course. It'd probably be slightly awkward at first, what with me normally dominant with partners, and having agreed to be submissive with Seàn.
We'd have to discuss it, work a rhythm to what we do. Sure, I like the idea of being submissive to Seàn and I like being dominant too. We'd have to figure out a way to please all three of us.
I do wonder if I'd let myself be fucked by Seàn, wonder if I'd enjoy it. I've never been fucked, I was always the top. But part of being submissive to someone is trusting them in a sexual situation as well as non-sexual, I want to experience what being submissive is like and see if I like it. Maybe I'm a switch and never knew it.
Being a switch in this relationship would best, I'd have the sub to dominate and the Dom to submit too. I don't doubt Seàn would accept that, I'm sure he'll be happy I discovered something about myself if I am a switch.
Unfortunately, with one of us missing we can't be sexual and even if he was here, we still have a lot to do with Zyon.
Yet it seems once I get something in my head it won't leave. Because scenes start flashing in my mind of what could happen when Seàn returns and we're all happy and craving each other.
Like Seàn pressing against my back as I kiss Zyon, his rough hands gripping me and using his strength to control my own movements. His accented stern voice commanding me, towering above myself and little Zyon. He might order me to do things, like stretch Zyon or myself for him, to place a condom on his cock.
I could imagine him being a rough dominant, fucking his partner hard and deep. Maybe he'd tell me to fuck Zyon while he fucks me, maybe it'd be hard enough for him to control the whole rhythm of the action. Fucking so deep it pushes myself deep into the smaller of us.
I shake my head quickly, Seàn is missing and Zyon is depressed. I shouldn't be thinking about that, I sure as hell can't be getting hard.
What the fuck am I thinking? I'm disappointed in myself. I should be helping look for Seàn and Lewis, not sitting here imagining what it would be like to have sex with him and Zyon.
Tomorrow I'm going out to figure out how I can help. Maybe that FBI agent can tell me ways I can feel useful.