I threw my things on the floor as I ran to my bed and threw myself on the bed hugging the pillow as I cried my eyes out. It was the moment, I realized how alone I was. My eyes fell on my parent's picture on the wall and that made me sob more.
"I really wish you were here," I mumbled as sleep overtook me and I closed my eyes letting slumber taking over me.
I don't give a fuck as long as you are with me.
I will always love you.
I love you.
I jolted up from my sleep as I clutched the pillow tightly. How could he turn from the most beautiful and sensible thing to a nightmare? How could this happen to me? Just a kiss and everything around me was broken. Caleb just took it another level because Eden kissed me.
All the time that we spent together seemed like a nightmare to me. It seemed as if I did the biggest mistake of my life being with him. The man hated me and anything he wanted from me was to take over my body and my soul. He had no respect for me but the only thing he wanted was to control me.
I tried my best to tell him that he was mistaken but every time he pushed me away with a whip of a hunter wanting to hurt me. I could never forget the words that he used for me. The man I once thought would be everything to me was just a devil.
Now I was even scared to think about him. My body shook and trembled as I thought about the eyes he had when he talked to me, accusing me, calling me names that I didn't deserve only for a single mistake. If only I had been in my right sense of mind, I would have never allowed him to get closer to me for a bit.
I got off the bed and got rid of my clothes as I threw the beige shirt into the dustbin because he had ripped its button and I no longer wished to see anything that would make me remember him and walked into the bathroom for a shower.
I saw my face in the mirror as I turned the shower on. It was puffy and red from all the crying. The worst part was my neck and chest were covered with hickeys. I rubbed them wanting to get rid of them when all of a sudden I felt shame and disgust washing over me, I broke down and fell on my knees on the bathroom tile as the water fell on me.
Its been a day since the incident happened to me and as I tried my best to forget everything, I refused to walk out of my apartment and talked with the security not to allow anyone who seeks for me.
I refused to go out as I spend my day and night alone in my apartment. My sadness remained making its way to my heart and brain as I remained sleeping on my sofa watching out of the balcony.
Even though I had not eaten anything, I couldn't make it to stand up and have something to eat. I felt tired as if the whole energy drained out of my body just because of what happened between me and Caleb. My phone vibrated and I saw an email from the design school which reminded me to pay my course fee and then it struck me.
I couldn't just lay around thinking about what has happened to me. I needed to rise up and remain walking ahead. Jewelry designing was my dream but here I was, starving myself to sleep all because of a man.
I got up from the sofa and walked to my room and get dressed. Even though the temperature was pretty nice outside, still I felt cold as I thought of wearing a red shirt and denim jacket over it and threw on my jeans as I held my wallet and phone and finally walked out of my apartment to get myself some food.
Finally, fresh air hit my face and I felt as if I was breathing after a long time. My nostrils flared up wanting to breathe in as much of air it could and I closed my eyes for a brief second calming down my nerves and feeling fresh. The walk to the nearby Walmart was less than ten minutes and I bought the things, especially canned food and instant noodles as I felt no mood for cooking.
My eyes fell on a magazine in a newspaper stall and it had Caleb's face on the front for being in Forbe's. I had mix reaction to seeing his face but I clutched the bag in my hand tight and walked out back to my house.
Never had I ever thought that things would turn so ugly for me. The feelings that I had in my chest was even worse and I felt as if I am betraying myself because I was still thinking about him. No matter how much he hurt me and how much I tried to forget or forgive him, I couldn't.
The ten minutes walk back to my apartment seemed like an eternity because it felt as if I was only dragging myself from here and there. As soon as I turned towards my street, my eyes fell on a car outside my apartment and instantly the blood drained out from my face as I recognized the car and the man leaning next to it.
He was looking up at my building with his hands shoved in hand pockets. A distress look on his face. I found my steps faltering at the mere sight of him and without even thinking, I turned around wanting to be out of sight. I didn't have the courage to face him and I had no wish to let him assault me again. So, I turned around and vanished out his sight before he could even see me.
I was in the second street catching my breath. I could feel the nerves in me pulsating and the sweats forming not because of the sprint I just did some minutes ago but for the anxiety that build up in me after I saw him. I was just about to wipe my face when all of a sudden a car went just past me and screeched to halt.
There he was. He stopped his car right before me and I didn't even get the chance to react because all of a sudden he got out of his car and was running to me.
"Sang. I was waiting for you. Why did you run away?"
His eyes held distress and he looked somewhat agitated. I couldn't believe, I was already meeting him again after what happened between us. I still couldn't believe that everything was already over between us. But all of a sudden I was pulled into a tight hug. My mind went blank when I found my body collapsing on his arms as he held me tightly as if I would vanish any second if he let go.
I could smell his cologne and his body warmth.
"You don't have any idea, how much I have missed this," I heard him as I felt him caressing my hair but again the memories that I had with him surfaced and instantly, I pushed away from me.
"I need to go," I told him as I looked at my feet avoiding contacting his eyes. I was worried I would topple down if I looked into his eyes because it was what made me fell in love with him. His eyes always had sincerity but the last encounter of ours was pathetic and horrifying for me because all I saw in them was hatred and disgust for me.
I hated it.
I had done nothing to be seen by those eyes. I had nothing for someone to hate me this much.
"Listen. Please let me speak. I'm so-,"
A loud yelp escaped my mouth and I used the bags in my hand to protect myself as I raised it up before my face stopping him from touching me. It was just an involuntary reflex from my side. I had no idea, why all of a sudden I felt so scared of him. We were in the middle of the road and the last thing I want would be to have my shirt torn or assaulted by my former lover.
Even if he branded me for being someone, I was not still I held my dignity and esteem high as I turned around and ran away as fast as I could to get away from him.
I knew he was following me. I heard his footsteps and him calling my name wanting me to stop. I could hear him huff and puff but I focussed on my building as I ran past the guards and hurriedly pressed the elevator's button.
"Sang please let me speak," I heard him and saw him being restrained from entering the building as the guard held him.
"You can't pass!" the guard yelled at him.
"Why do you always come here? The woman is clearly not interested in you. Stop coming here and stay out!" the other guard said and I fidgeted with my finger waiting for the door to open, impatiently.
"Is he the same guy who stands the whole night just staring at the building?" one of them asked and the other snorted.
"Such nuisance for love,"
The elevator's door opened and I got in punching the button hard wanting to get away.