“𝙸’𝚖 𝚜𝚘 𝚂𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢...”
This chapter contains mature/violent content. The mental health of my readers is the most important thing to me! If you suffer with depression and/or self-harm I highly advise you to just go ahead and read the next chapter!
I love you guys :)
“XAVIER, COME ON!”
I hear Mia laughing her full head off as she runs her fingers down my chest, stumbling from being so drunk. I love the way her green eyes get lighter when she’s happy. I love it when she twirls around in circles when she’s drunk in the middle of the street, which is what she’s been doing all night.
“What?” I grin widely and pull her tight against my chest. I trip over my own two feet and hit my palms against the trunk of my car on either side of her body.
“You had too much to drink.” She teases and erupts into another fit of giggles.
“Oh yeah? Who’s the one who can’t go five seconds without laughing?”
I open up the car door for her and she looks questionably at it before she looks at me again. “We should get Lina to drive us home. We’ve both been drinking.”
“Your best friend is more trashed than the both of us combined. Did you see her inside of that house? You live ten minutes away. It’ll be fine.”
She giggles more but is still not getting inside of the car. Instead she wraps her arms around my neck and kisses the side of my mouth. “I just think we should sleep here or something.”
“Have I ever not gotten you home safely?” I mutter. “Didn’t you say your parents are out of town tonight? How are we going to follow through with our plans if we stay here? Hm?” My tongue works in circles on her collarbone, which makes her erupt into another fit of giggles. She’s so beautiful.
“Okay!” She gives in and climbs inside the car. “I can’t believe my boyfriend is so persuasive.”
I head around to the other side to get into the driver’s seat and fumble with the keys to start the engine. “And I can’t believe my girlfriend is so fucking beautiful.” I grin widely at her and analyze the way her jean shorts make her perfectly dark skin stand out. The way the moon bounces off of those curls. I would give anything to stay right here in this car for eternity.
“I love you.” She whispers, reaching out to trace my jawline. It’s almost as if she can read my mind.
There’s a ringing in my ears that’s making it feel like my eardrums might explode. It takes me a minute to realize where it’s coming from, and that’s when I hear the wailing of the horn that isn’t shutting off.
Where am I?
I feel the blood rush to my head and begin to realize that I’m upside down. There’s shattered glass everywhere on my body, and the more I try to move the more it digs into my skin. Holy fuck.
I also realize I’m not the only one in the car.
“Mia?” I glance in fear to the right of me and see her practically crumpled by the damage from the car. Her body is shoved between a dent and the side door. “Mia?” I call out again.
When she whimpers I sigh in relief and try to move closer to her. My seatbelt is stuck though. It won’t come undone no matter how hard I try. “Fuck!” I cry. “Mia, hold on.”
Where is my phone? Why is it not in my pocket? Where the fuck did I leave it?
“I-I’m bleeding.” She chokes out. “I-I can feel it, Xavier. I can feel it. It’s really bad.”
“Where are you bleeding?” I ask her.
I can’t panic in front of her. I can’t cry my heart out even though I want to. I have to be the man in this situation and get us through this. I have to push out the fact that my worst nightmare is coming true.
“My side. Something is in my side.” She’s hysterically crying. “Oh my god, I’m going to die. Xavier, I don’t want to die.”
“You’re not going to die. Can you put pressure on it?”
“N-no.” She sobs. “This fucking door won’t let me move.”
“Okay.” I say quickly, trying to think of something I can do. I yank on my seatbelt again but it still won’t come off. “Do you have your phone on you?”
“Yes, but I can’t reach it. Can you... reach it?” Her breathing starts becoming more shallow, and my heart sinks into my chest. I need to do something. Fast.
I try to reach my arm out to feel across her body, but all I’m hitting is the door. I’m not hitting anything but the fucking car.
“Xavier, I don’t want to die.” She trembles, and her voice keeps breaking from the crying. “P-please don’t let me die. I-I have so much left to live for. I haven’t gone to college yet. We haven’t gotten married yet. I-I haven’t even been able to see what my kids will look like.”
“Baby, I’m going to make sure you do all of these things.” Now I’m crying, because the more I pull on the seatbelt the tighter it seems to get. Why is she injured and not me? Why am I not the one bleeding? I’m the one that got behind the fucking wheel drunk.
“Please tell my mom and dad that I love them.” She whispers.
“Don’t do that!” I scream at her and cry harder, trying to pull the seat belt even more. “Why won’t this fucking thing come off!”
“And Samuel.” She pleads. She’s gasping for breath now, and all I can do is shut my eyes tight. “Tell him he’s the best little brother I’ve ever had. Even if h-he made me angry sometimes. Tell him he did nothing wrong.”
“Mia, don’t fucking do this!” I scream. “Don’t you dare leave me. Someone is coming. Someone will find us soon. Just please, hang on.”
I don’t hear anything but silence, so I tap the metal where her body is lying. “Mia.” I choke out, praying and pleading that she just doesn’t want to talk right now. She’s okay. She just wants someone to find us. That’s all.
“Mia.” I repeat, but my bottom lip is trembling. I break down into a sob and hit the piece of metal that is lying on top of her body. That’s when I notice that there’s blood starting to seep onto my jeans from her body.
The silence is deafening.
I jolt awake in an instant, my body covered in sweat with tears pouring down my cheeks. My chest feels tight, the airway for me to breathe becoming smaller. The memory of her face won’t leave my head. That night won’t leave my fucking head.
I push the covers off of me and storm into the bathroom, putting my hands on the sides of the sink when I look in the mirror. I’m the one who made her get into that car. I’m the one that convinced us not to stay, so why the fuck am I the one alive?
My hair is going a bunch of different ways, my eyes completely bloodshot. I look like a failure. I look like the kid who lets everyone down. I’m the kid that can’t seem to do one goddamn thing right.
I immediately open up the cabinet and take out the razor, pressing it to my skin without a second thought. The memory of her is all too much. I haven’t had a dream about that night since it happened, and it’s all too sudden. It all feels way too real.
It stings so badly, but it also feels so good. I deserve the pain I feel. Watching the blood trickle down my arm brings me into a state of bliss for a few moments. For just a few seconds I don’t feel like there’s a ton of bricks weighing down on my heart.
After three more cuts I drop the razor into the sink and watch the blood seep out. I didn’t cut deep enough to kill myself. I couldn’t do that to my parents or Dion, no matter how much I may want to. I learned that the hard way the first time.
“I’m so sorry.” I sob and sink down onto the tiles of the bathroom floor, tugging my knees up to my chest. I don’t care if there’s blood on my hands. I don’t care if it stings so badly that it feels like my skin is on fire. This pain is so intense that it makes me forget about her.
I know Mia would be so pissed at me for doing this. I haven’t thought about her in so long. I can imagine her yelling at me, her little arms flailing everywhere like they always used to.
Why is it that I’m so depressed lately? It’s like, ever since I met Elena it’s just been going downhill. Maybe it’s because she reminds me so fucking much of Mia. I’m trying to save her and I can’t. I will never be able to save them.
“I’m so sorry.” I repeat into the empty room as I try to catch my breath. “For everything, Mia.”