I DON’T KNOW why everyone convinced me to come to this stupid party. We just partied yesterday at our house, but apparently that’s not enough. I guess getting drunk every weekend like they did last year is going to be the theme this year, too.
This party is pretty packed, but it isn’t as claustrophobic as it was at our house because this house is bigger. There’s a bunch of smoke surrounding the place from the weed, which immediately grabs my attention. Weed is the only thing that doesn’t make me want to resort to bad habits. It’s one of the only things that calms me down.
“I need to take a couple hits.” I say to the group. Cameron wants to come too, so we venture off from Rodney and Dion to see where the smoke originated from. We find a bunch of stoners in the living room sitting in a circle, their eyes completely bloodshot.
“Do you mind?” I tap a guy with dreadlocks on the shoulder and stick my hand out for the blunt. He’s too stoned to care so he just shrugs his shoulders and hands it over.
Once I inhale the smoke I begin to feel relaxed immediately. I need to get this anxiety out of my body from parties. I need to learn that I can have fun without getting shitfaced from liquor.
“Jesus.” I begin to cough after my fourth hit and pass the blunt to Cameron. “This shit is strong.”
“I’ve got the best.” The dreadlocks guy says, giving me a lopsided grin. “Ask anyone.”
The music is too loud in here, the bass thumping off of the walls from a random rap song. I can already feel the weed start to kick in, so I take a seat onto the couch to let it settle. I can always tell when I’m high because my body feels like it’s not mine anymore. I don’t have the thoughts I normally do. Instead I’m just... empty. I like that.
“I’m high as fuck already.” Cameron chuckles, collapsing onto the cushion beside me. “I can already feel this shit! Can you?” His eyes are alive with humor, the white spaces beginning to turn a slight pink.
“Well look who we have here.” Cameron says again, pointing past the circle of people. He directs my attention to the kitchen where Elena is. I feel my mouth begin to water just at the sight of her. She’s in this black, lace bodysuit that cuts right down the center to outline her tits, and the bodysuit is tucked into a pair of high-waisted blue jeans. I want to take my eyes off of her, I want to act like she’s just another random girl, but she’s not. She’s a challenge that I have yet to win.
She’s conversing with some people I’ve never seen before, tilting her head back and laughing at something a girl says while she clutches a red solo cup in her hand.
“Elena!” Cameron yells from across the room. It’s loud enough to get her attention, but when she looks over at Cameron her face pales. She looks upset, or... frightened? I can’t be certain, but it’s definitely not a good expression.
“Oh, so she wants to play this game?” He chuckles and stands up from the couch when she doesn’t acknowledge him. “Come on. Let’s go.”
I assume he means that we’re going to find Dion and Rodney, but instead he waltzes right over to where she is and pushes his way in beside her. I’m standing here awkwardly with my hands in the pocket of my jeans as I watch the group she’s with give each other annoyed looks before they scatter off somewhere else.
“You’re just going to act like you didn’t see me?” He chuckles lowly into her ear, but loud enough for me to hear it and hooks his arm around her shoulder. Her body immediately tenses.
“I saw you.” She responds coolly.
“And you didn’t want to say hi?” He moves his hand from her shoulder down to her waist and continues to inch lower before she moves away from him. If she slept with him before, she certainly doesn’t want to sleep with him now.
“I’m good.” She mutters.
“Oh, come on. Don’t act all shy now.” He smirks. “You weren’t shy last year...”
“I said I’m good.” She crosses her arms over her chest and locks eyes with me for a second. I can’t decipher what she’s trying to tell me. It’s a look I’m not used to getting from girls. That’s for sure.
When he goes to grab her waist again I reach my hand out to stop him. “Hey, she said she’s good.” I say. I don’t know why I’m trying to help her out. I don’t know why I’m defending her. It’s like my body just instinctively did it.
Cameron looks at me in disbelief for a second before he narrows his eyes at me. “Dude, I already told you that she’s easy. You don’t have to try to play nice. She’ll fuck me tonight and then fuck you too right after. It’s who she is.”
Elena throws the cup of liquid onto Cameron, completely soaking the t-shirt he’s wearing before she runs off into the party. Everyone around us erupts into ooo’s as they stare at the stain on his shirt.
“Fucking bitch!" He shouts after her, cussing a couple more times as he tries to find a piece of paper towel. “What the fuck was that, Xavier?” He finds a towel on the stove and brings that to his shirt to wipe it off.
“She didn’t want to be touched by you.” I tell him. “She was making that pretty clear.”
“She would have let me if I kept going.” He rolls his eyes, throwing the towel down onto the countertop. “What are you, her dad?”
“Uh, no. I just think consensual sex is the best sex. Don’t you?”
“Fuck off.” He sneers. “Just get the fuck away from me right now.”
I let him be in the kitchen and wander off to try to find Dion and Rodney, but Elena is still on my mind. I can’t seem to get over how confusing she is. If Cameron is telling the truth and she was that easy, why did she react that way tonight? Is Cameron lying? Did he do something to hurt her?
It just makes me realize that I don’t want to be wrapped up in whatever drama she brings. Clearly it’s a lot because since I’ve just met her yesterday things have been pretty shitty for me. I’ve felt worse than I have in over a year.
Deciding to let this conquest go, I venture out to find a new one. There’s hundreds of girls here tonight that have had their eyes on me since I’ve stepped in here. I’m not blind to the fact.
There’s this cute redhead in the corner talking to one of her friends. She’s got this skirt that’s hiked so far up her waist that her ass cheeks are hanging out of the bottom, but the skirt really shows off her figure. She’s got long legs, and her face is covered in freckles. The freckles make her look innocent as fuck. That’s what draws me to her.
“Excuse me,” I butt into their conversation, both of them erupting into giggles once they see me. “May I ask where you got your drink from? I just got here and I’m dying of thirst.”
My brown eyes are burning into her, melting every little wall up that she may of had tonight. I push the leather jacket farther up my arms to reveal my full sleeve of tattoos on the right side, which makes her complete fucking putty to me.
“Um, I got mine outside from the ice buckets.” She tugs on her bottom lip from being so nervous. “I can show you if you want?”
“Please do.” I grin towards her friend and signal that we’ll be back shortly, even though my plans aren’t to get a drink at all. As soon as she begins to lead the way down the hallway I grab onto her elbow so that she’ll face me. “I don’t actually want a drink.” I smirk that cocky grin of mine. The one that always get to them.
Pushing the thought out of my mind, I continue. “My name’s Xavier. I saw you talking to your friend and just wanted to let you know that you’re absolutely beautiful. I didn’t want to make your friend feel left out, so I decided to pull you away. I hope you understand.”
“Oh, wow.” She puts her hand over her heart and I almost roll my eyes. “That’s so sweet of you. Thank you. I’m Jenny.”
I can tell that she’s pushing her arms together to lift up her tits. She doesn’t need to do that though because they’re already big enough. I wouldn’t be talking to her right now if they weren’t.
“Are you a freshman?” I move in slightly closer towards her, the side of my shoulder resting against the staircase. I have to shout over the loud music, but she seems to enjoy the conversation.
“Yes! I am so excited for classes to start. What about you?”
“I’m a sophomore.” I reply, which seems to make her grin even more. “Hey, do you want to go someplace a little quieter to talk? It’s so loud out here.”
“Sure!” She shouts back. “Want to go outside?”
I shake my head and reach out to take her hand without permission, pulling her through the crowd as we go upstairs. She doesn’t try to take her hand away, and she must know why the fuck I’m wanting to go to a bedroom instead of going outside. It doesn’t take much common sense to put two and two together.
I can feel myself getting hornier by the second. I haven’t had sex since we moved back in from summer vacation. It’s the start of the semester and I haven’t gotten laid yet. I need to get laid to get these fucking thoughts out of my head. The high is wearing off.
“In here.” I open the door and allow her to go in first, but she stops in the doorway. Fuck. I sigh. She’s getting cold feet.
“Um...” She turns around to face me and gives me an awkward smile. “There’s a girl that’s like, crying or something. I don’t know. Let’s try a different room?”
I open the door wider and see Elena huddled up in the corner with a bottle of alcohol that’s over halfway gone. She doesn’t even seem to notice us standing here. She just presses the bottle to her lips and takes another long sip.
“Uh, can I come find you in a couple of minutes?” I ask her. “I should make sure she’s okay, right?”
Jenny eagerly nods her head. “Yes, totally. You’re so sweet. I’ll be back with my friend whenever you’re ready.” She runs her hand down my arm in a seductive manner, and for a second I just want to close this door on Elena and fuck Jenny senseless in another room. Unfortunately I care about someone in a bad mental state. I think I always will.
Once It’s just Elena and I in the room, I close the door and shuffle in awkwardly to stand in front of her. She still doesn’t acknowledge my presence. She takes another long swig and sets the bottle down onto the carpet. It reeks of sex and booze in here.
“You alright?” I ask.
“Does it look like it?” She replies sarcastically. Her eyes are red from crying, her cheeks slightly puffed up. If this were any other person I would have said fuck it and walked out, but I can tell she’s broken right now. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been in this same position before, but leaving her alone would be extremely dangerous. If this were me, I wouldn’t want to be left alone.
I take a seat next to her, which surprises her I think because she lets out a laugh and shakes her head. “Don’t try to be the good guy right now.” She smiles, a sad one, and then looks down at the floor. “And just because I’m drunk doesn’t mean that I can be taken advantage of. I can still kick your ass.”
“I’m not trying to sleep with you.” I reply bluntly. “If you failed to notice, I was just about to get my pussy for the night until we opened the door to find you creepily drinking in a corner.”
She laughs again, and it’s such a cute laugh that I actually find myself smiling for a second. I cover it with my hand to hide it though before I focus my attention on her again. “Are you drinking because of what Cameron said earlier?”
“It’s... so much more than that.” She drunkenly says. “I can’t be mad at someone for speaking the truth. You know?”
She lets out a tiny sigh and pushes a strand of her hair behind her ear. Even when she’s a wreck she’s still so fucking hot. Her lips are full, her eyes are glistening from the tears, and her dimples faintly appear when she talks.
“You didn’t have to come in here.” She whispers, staring into the bottle that’s almost gone. It’s then that I realize I haven’t said anything back to her, I’ve just been staring at her face this entire time.
“I probably shouldn’t have.” I admit. “But I’m not going to leave you in here when you’re crying.” She looks at me then, tilting her head slightly to the side. “Or anyone, for that matter.” I correct.
Why is it that my body is literally craving her? Is it because she rejected me? Is it because she’s the first girl I haven’t been able to get? I don’t know what it is. Right now I’m wanting to push her onto the floor and give her the feeling that I always get during sex. That feeling of going completely numb until it makes you forget everything in your head.
“I’m just pathetic.” She raises the bottle in front of her to study it. “I’m not even supposed to be drinking. I’m supposed to be sober. I broke eight months of sobriety because of something an asshole fucking said. A couple of words pushed me over the edge. Isn’t that insane? I’m so fucking pathetic.”
Sober? She’s an alcoholic?
I immediately pull the bottle from her hands and place it beside me, feeling more connected with her than I want to be. Why does she have to be trying to stay sober too? Why does she have to be more like me than I want her to be?
“Give it back.” She mutters and attempts to reach for it. I shake my head and push it farther behind me. “This isn’t a fucking joke. Give me it.”
I continue to hold it behind me and feel her eyes on me. It seems like I’m suddenly transparent in front of her. Almost as if my past is sprawled out right before her eyes and she now knows that I struggle with this too. I’m not an alcoholic, but staying sober is part of my sobriety.
She moves unexpectedly and grabs the bottle from out behind me, pushing it to her lips before I can stop her. I know how much she’s going to regret this. I know how much she’s going to wake up in the morning and feel worthless. Like she’s lost a game she’s been trying to compete in for years. I don’t want her feeling defeat. I don’t want her to ever feel like I did, even though she probably has at some point.
“Fine.” I say suddenly and grab the bottle from her again. Before I’m able to stop myself I say, “If you want me to break my sobriety of a year then keep drinking. Every drink you take, I’ll take one too.”
I’m breathing heavily once part of my truth is out, and I have no fucking clue as to why I’m opening up to a random stranger. Maybe it’s easier to talk to her because she can’t judge me. She’s going through this too. I don’t exactly have a fucking support group or anything, so this is the closest I’ve gotten to one.
“You’re just trying to get into my pants.” She giggles, slumping her shoulders and leaning more against the wall in defeat. I almost want to thank her for not commenting on my confession. I don’t want to talk about it.
“I’m not trying to get into your pants.” I say. “I’m trying to help you not feel like a fuck up in the morning, and this?" I raise the bottle. “This is going to make you feel like one.”
“Whatever.” She mumbles. “I saw the way you looked at me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The first time you met me you were undressing me in your head.” She says bluntly. Her eyes move to mine and they’re almost like a caramel brown from how light they are. “Am I right or wrong? Be honest.”
What is she trying to get at here? She should be mad right now, but she’s staring at me with this look in her eye. Almost as if it’s lust? I’m so confused.
“Right.” I reply honestly. “But I do that to every hot girl I meet. Don’t feel flattered.”
“Tell me what you thought of.” She smirks and turns her body so that she’s facing me. I can feel the temperature rising here. I can feel my body wanting to be on top of hers. I know when a girl wants to be fucked, and she’s got that look in her eye. It’s a look that’s incredibly hard to ignore.
I let out a laugh and shift away from her slightly. “You’re drunk.”
“I’m not saying that I want to fuck. I’m asking you to describe what you thought of.”
Is she kinky? Is dirty talk something that turns her on? She has no idea the filthy things that can come out of my mouth. She has no idea the things I could make her feel.
My eyes rake over her tits in that bodysuit before they move to her collarbone, and then to her lips. I see her gulp loudly as she brings her fingertips to her lap.
“Are you sure you want to know?” I ask.
I didn’t think she wanted anything to do with me. I didn’t think she wanted to sleep with me, but here she is begging me to sweet talk her. I keep reminding myself that she’s drunk, but right now my dick is outweighing my brain.
“Your thighs are what intrigued me the most.” I say sternly, keeping my eyes locked with hers. I see her shift underneath my gaze. “I kept thinking about how they would feel wrapped around me.”
“And what else?” She asks.
“Your lips.” I smirk. “I imagined what it would feel like to have them on my body.”
“Oh, really?” She questions and takes me by surprise by straddling me. I want to know why her personality has suddenly shifted. I want to know how she went from crying to straddling me so quickly. Something doesn’t seem right.
Her lips press to my neck, almost as if she knows that this is my weakest spot, and suddenly I can’t remember what it was that I was going to say. All thoughts leave my head, the numbness starting to take over.
“And how does it feel?” She mutters against my neck.
“U-Um, good.” I stutter. I’m not used to having girls take control. I’m not used to women being so dominant. It’s like she’s using me to get what she wants instead of the other way around.
I set the bottle on the carpet next to us, and I start to get that feeling inside of me that something isn’t right again. She was just crying minutes ago. She can’t actually be wanting to do this.
“Elena.” It takes everything in me to pull my neck away from her. “Are you sure? You’re drunk, and you’ve had a pretty intense night...” I glance at the bottle warily and then look back to her.
She places her lips to mine and wraps her arms around my neck. The thoughts leave my head again as I run my fingers down her back, feeling the kiss growing stronger. This isn’t the same as being with other girls. This feels like she’s just trying to get the job done. There’s no emotion, there’s no foreplay, she just wants to get right to it. I can’t decide on whether or not I like it.
I go along with it and tug her closer, pushing my tongue into her mouth. She tastes like liquor but I ignore it and groan into her mouth. She’s sexy as fuck, and this is so different than what I’m used to. She tugs at my jacket until I take it off, and then she pulls my t-shirt up over my head and tosses it to the ground beside us.
When her eyes run over my body I see her pupils dilate. She’s staring intensely at the tattoos that are covering my skin.
“You’re going to be so dangerous for me...” She shakes her head and traces a tattoo on my chest. It’s a huge cross in the center, but she seems fixated on it.
“Why’s that?” I pant breathlessly.
“Because I know that as soon as I get a taste of you I’m not going to be able to stop.”
I’m rock hard, my jeans practically combusting as she straddles me. I know she can feel it. I know she can see how vulnerable I am right now.
“Is that such a bad thing?”
“Yes.” She replies immediately. “Very bad...”
Her lips attach with mine again, this time almost viciously. Her nails sink lightly into my shoulders before they travel down my chest and hover over the zipper of my jeans. I want her so badly. I’ve wanted to be inside of her since I saw her yesterday. Waiting isn’t something I’m used to.
She finally puts her fingers around me and lets out a gasp before she rests her forehead against mine. “And you’re so hard. Fuck.” She whines as if debating with herself on whether or not she wants to do this.
I’m holding my bottom lip back with my teeth in order not to moan just from her touch. It’s not until she starts to unzip my pants that I notice her hands are... shaking?
“Hey.” I grab onto her hand and finally am able to look at her. Tears are rolling down her cheeks in the matter of seconds. “Woah.” I zip my pants back up and feel my eyes growing wide. “What did I do?”
“You did nothing wrong.” She wipes away her tears and lets out a frustrated sigh as she stands up from the carpet. I’m trying not to get pissed, I’m trying not to feel embarrassed, but it’s hard not to.
“Was something... wrong?” I glance down towards my zipper.
“No.” She sobs. “I just have to go. I’m so sorry Xavier.”
Without another word, she leaves me in the bedroom by myself in total and utter confusion.