I’M PUTTING ON my pants as quickly as I possibly can while Jenny stretches her naked body out on the bed, propping herself up onto her elbows. “Leaving so soon?” She grins.
The high from the sex is winding down, and slowly the feeling I felt only an hour ago comes seeping back in. It’s getting worse. I’ve tried to come up with a million excuses as to why she ran out on me like that, but the only one sticking is that I wasn’t enough. Was I too small for her? Did I not kiss good enough? Was I seriously that bad?
I only let a select few people see my emotions, and Jenny sure as hell isn’t making that list, so I pull myself together and send her a fake smile. “Thanks for this. It was fun.”
“You don’t want my number or anything?” She looks at the door and then back to the bed as if she’s re-thinking everything she just did. I should care about her, but honestly I could give two fucks about the situation. I got what I wanted. I just need to get out of here.
“That’s not really my thing.” I shrug and grab my t-shirt from the floor. “Maybe we’ll see each other at another party or something though.”
I hear her call me dick and a few other obscurities as I exit the room and try to find Dion. My whole body feels as if it’s on fire, and suddenly this big house seems way too small. It feels as if everything is closing in on me.
I find him playing beer pong with a blonde that looks oddly familiar. When I get closer to the girl I recognize her from last night. She’s the one that came with Elena and threw up all over our lawn. Joy.
“Hey.” I tap Dion’s shoulder as he tries to aim the ball for the cup on the opposite end of the table. It bounces off the rim before he turns to look at me. “We need to go.”
“Go where?” He wrinkles his nose up in confusion. “We’ve only been here for like two hours.”
“Dion.” I say bitterly, grabbing more of his attention. I don’t want to go into detail. I don’t want everyone to know why we need to go, but once he sees the look on my face he knows that I’m not in a good place. I need to get the fuck out of here, and I honestly don’t trust myself to be alone.
“Uh, fuck. Okay. One second.” He shoots the ball again and this time it falls into the cup of liquid with a plop, the small crowd erupting into cheers. The blonde who’s his partner looks at him in glee, clapping her hands together with excitement as she picks up the ball for her turn.
“I have to go.” He says into her ear. I’m assuming that he had hopes of hooking up with her. “I’ll call you?”
“Oh. Um, yeah.” She replies shyly. The way she’s batting her eyelashes at him makes me want to throw up. It’s funny how she actually thinks that she has a shot at being with him. Dion is ten times worse than me. Maybe not as bad as Cameron, but he almost always has a different girl every night.
Dion follows me out onto the street, and for the first time of the night I feel like I can breathe again. The bad thoughts slowly start to fade away, relaxation flowing into my veins.
“Cam and Rodney are taking an Uber home.” He says after he checks his phone. He shoves it into his pocket and unlocks his car door for us to get inside. I was so jealous the day his parents bought him this jeep. It’s matte black with red rims, and when he called to tell me he got it our junior year of high school he took me for a joy ride and let me drive it for a few blocks. It was one of the best days of my life.
I settle into the leather seat as he pulls away from the curb, but It’s not long after the awkward silence overwhelms us that he finally asks, “What happened?”
“That girl happened.” I mutter.
“What girl?” He asks. “The brunette? The same girl from yesterday?”
“Elena.” I tell him. He seems a little bit shocked that I used her name because we don’t normally do that. We don’t ever care enough to remember their names. “She’s such a tease.”
“She acted like she wanted nothing to do with me yesterday, and then tonight Cameron was acting like a dick towards her and I found her in a bedroom upstairs. She was crying and shit, and then I found out that she was trying to stay sober too like I am. But she was drinking, so I tried to like, take it out of her hand, you know? But then she just kept drinking it until she straddled me and wanted me to say all of this dirty shit to her.”
Dion nods along to my story as he adjusts the air in the car. This is how our conversations normally go. I talk to him like he’s my therapist, and he just listens to me ramble on and on until he finally gives me advice.
“Then she just started to freak the fuck out.” I scoff. “She started crying again after she kissed me.”
“Did you fuck her?” He asks.
"No! That’s the thing. I didn’t even get my pants off before she started crying. Like, what the fuck is that about?”
He starts to laugh, and then he laughs louder when I’m not saying anything.
“It’s not funny.” I try to say but end up smiling. “Fuck you!”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He says as he turns onto another street. “You can’t possibly think that was your fault though, right? She must have some ex she’s hung up on or something. I mean honestly, have you ever disappointed someone you slept with?”
“No.” I smirk. Because it’s true. Sex is the one thing that I know I don’t fuck up.
“Exactly. It sounds like she’s got a lot of shit going on with her. That’s not something you need right now.”
“I know.” I tell him.
“You say that, but I know you. Sometimes you care way too much about other people that you forget about yourself. I’ve been so proud of you that you’ve been taking care of yourself this past year man, so just be careful. A girl isn’t something you need right now. Especially one who’s fucked up.”
“I don’t want a girl.” I immediately shoot back at him. “I just want to fuck her. Like, she’s so goddamn stubborn that it turns me on. Does that make sense?”
“Oh trust me, it does.” He chuckles. “That blonde she was with? Her name’s Amelia. She’s fine as hell, but she’s a virgin.”
“A virgin?" The word feels unfamiliar on my tongue as I try to say it before I’m laughing so hard that I honestly can’t breathe. “You’re seriously going to pop a cherry?”
“I’m going to try!” He laughs until his face turns red. “I give it three dates before I’m in her pants.”
He pulls into the driveway and shuts off the engine, but neither of us move. The silence begins to overwhelm us again, so I clear my throat to try and somehow clear it. I hate silence.
“Are you going to still try and fuck this brunette?” He asks. I know he knows her name but he’s refusing to use it.
“I don’t know.” I reply honestly. “She’s a challenge. I like challenges.”
“Just be careful.” He says lowly, the conversation suddenly becoming serious. “I’m not trying to have another girl destroy you.”
Memories of Mia come into my mind but I immediately push them out. I will not think about her. I won’t. The moment I get her face into my head is the moment that everything will go downhill for me.
“She didn’t destroy me.” I say through gritted teeth. Dion knows he’s walking on a thin line with the mention of her name. He should know better than to bring her up.
“Well, finding you on the bathroom floor in your own pool of blood tells me differently.” His body tenses at the thought, but when he looks at me again his eyes soften. “I’m not going to let you hurt yourself again. Alright?”
I wrap my hand around the leather bracelets surrounding my wrist and nod my head meekly towards him. I have nothing left to say to him because he’s right. He’s the one that found me like that. The day I officially reached my breaking point.
“Alright.” I nod. “You’re right. I’ll stay away from her.”