I watch her from afar everything she did, how she learned to hold the tears back, hold the smiles and laugh back, how she learned there is no love for her in this world but she was so wrong because there was so much of love waiting for her only if she could look past the pain.
She looks strong, cold and without emotions because she believes showing emotions shows weaknesses.
She is tired of all the drama, hate, tired of not being good enough, tired of being blamed for what she knows nothing about, tried for being punished and left alone to bear the heartbreak.
But she refuses to look dramatic, weak and attention-seeking, she refuses to let them see her cry only to be known as a girl without a heart.
She locks it deep down, acts like she is used to the pain but cries silently so everyone thinks she gives no shit about what they do to her.
She keeps telling herself and everyone she has no problems and she has learned to accept her fate because it was a curse given to her by the moon goddess herself.
But all she really wants is Love.
But I am still to be blamed for the pain she keeps inside, the pain that haunts her dreams, that gives her nightmares, the pain eating her slowly and making her numb to anything and everything.
I left forgetting the little girl without anyone but a stranger to care for her, I left thinking of my breaking heart but forgetting the little pup who needs me more.
I was too selfish to understand the promise I made building hatred between two innocent wolfs.
I refuse to learn the hidden truth about the pup who killed her mother to live but it might be too late to find out the truth.
I spend time nursing my broken heart leaving the most important things of all not caring to look back just for once.
I left without looking back because I was too weak to care, maybe she was right building walls can make you avoid the pain coming but can never hide the heartbreak.
Because I left without making a promise of coming back she lost her soul, she lost her heart to the darkness in her, she lost her will and she lost her joy.
But once again I never hurt her because I left her with her guardian to take care of her, to love her and to be her strength when needed.
She feels all alone even though she has someone protecting her because as they say a mother's love is the greatest.
She keeps avoiding love because she has so much pain in her to ever live or believe in love.
She was meant to feel pain at what cost, to save these heartless werewolves and other supernatural beings.
She lives a life of lie believing it the truth, she doesn't know how much strength and power she has all because she believes in the weaker side of her.
She sees herself as a monster ready to kill at any given time, ready to attack and destroy.
She sees herself unfortunate and cursed for the sins she never committed or rather committed.
She has learned to accept anything that comes her way even bad and good as her share of the sins and innocent she killed.
But she has never been told pain gives strength but has always believed weakness gives pain.
I spent my time healing my broken heart and now spending my time learning to heal her broken heart which is not mine to heal.
She was made to kill her mother during birth to make the saying the death of the mother gives strength to the chosen female pup.
Life has to end for life to begin I never understood what Alisa meant until now.
She the chosen female pup the legend talks of, the chosen female pup is meant to kill her mother and trained by her guardian, she was meant to feel immense pain no being is ever allowed to feel and also grow in strength.
The chosen female pup is met to meet the chosen male pup immediately after her eighteenth birthday.
The male will grow in immense strength and kept under the guidance of its guardian.
They will meet and will not fall in love at first sight but rather have hatred for each other only the mate pull of their local will bring them together, a pull that either brings love or pain, a pull that brings forth the greatest love ever know or the most heartbroken story told.
Together they will fight the upcoming battle putting an end to the endless war.
But the legend never spoke of the chosen male being the alpha king, it keeps me in doubt of my knowledge I acquired over the years.
But once again we have never been told of the legend of chosen lycans because it was a secret to be uncovered by the bookkeeper.
I can only hope in the direction giving by the moon goddess to me.
"madam we got information that Kate is losing her strength and the full moon is tomorrow, " says one of my men called London.
"okay, London you may leave," I say as I dismiss him.
Once again I ask myself at what cost does she has to feel this pain, pain that draws her to the darkest part of her, a place of no return.
She is scared a switch may turn off somewhere and all she is left with is the darkness of her mind, but each time it seems like she sinks deeper and deeper.
She is scared... Terrified that one day she won't make it back up and there will be no one to help not even her mate.
It a game of loosing to win,
Or wining to lose.