I watch Abigail going inside her room as she hugs Noel like she is afraid to let him go.
“Don’t force her to talk.” Nicolas frustrated voice makes me turns to look at him, “She will talk when she wants. Can’t you see she is still trying to process everything?” He grabs Beth’s hand as she attempts to follow Abigail.
“You and I, we both know she always keeps her feelings to herself. I am not going to let my daughter go back into the shell. I am not ready to lose my daughter.” Beth glares at Nicolas. “My daughter needs me.”
How strange it is, both mothers are hurting because of their child. Abigail is hurting because of the pain of losing her baby, while Beth is in pain because of the fear of losing her daughter to her pain.
“She is not just your daughter anymore.” Nicolas’s tone is harsh, “Your daughter might need you, but the mother in her just wants her child. You have to understand this!”
“Give her some time, honey.” He sighs, “She will talk when she is ready.” He softens his tone, as Beth silently cries.
“I know you are worried about her, we all are.” He wraps an arm around her, “But she just needs some time to be herself again.”
After thinking about sometimes she nods her head in understanding while wiping her tears.
“Let’s go home.” She raises her head and glances at everyone, “Let her be just with her family. Because more than us she needs them.”
Hannah leaves with Nicolas and Beth, while Miles is talking to Alice on the phone.
When we had reached the hospital we found Mark and Miles in the waiting area. Mark took Abigail to the hospital when Georgia called him as Abigail was having severe abdominal cramps while she stayed back at home with Noel.
By the look on Miles’s face, I figured something is not right when Nathan rushed into Abigail’s room.
Since we return back to their home, Nathan has been awfully quiet. Even now he is standing silently in the corner while staring at the floor.
My heart goes out to him, as everyone is so busy worrying about Abigail to realize even he is the one who is suffering as well.
Just a few hours ago he was so happy and now it looks like he doesn’t even know what smile is.
I walk to him and place my hand on his shoulder which snaps him out of his thoughts. He blankly looks at me, his face is completely stoic without any trace of emotions.
Natalie completely takes me by surprise when she hugs me.
“Everything will be fine, Nathan.” She gently whispers, “Everything will be fine.”
Everything will be fine, but I can’t say everything will be the same again.
Four weeks is nothing but still, it was our baby. A baby which was made with love, who was supposed to be loved with everything we had.
Even if we have more children in the future, but the ache for losing our second child will always remain in our hearts.
I feel so helpless because there is nothing that I can do. This loss is irrecoverable. What I and Abigail have lost is something that we can never get back.
I clench my jaws trying to get hold of my emotions which are on the verge of breaking me down, I don’t even realize how much I need this hug until Natalie hugged me.
“Thank you, Natalie.” Wrapping my arms back, I feel grateful to her.
Shutting my eyes tightly, I attempt to keep my tears locked inside my eyes. Because Abigail needs me to be strong, she is trying to push everyone away but I need to be there for her.
We both need to be strong for each other.
“Guys, give me some warning before deciding to give me a heart attack,” Miles says in a fake cheery voice, as he watches us, “Should I be worried that my best friend position is in danger?” He slaps my arm, as he narrows his eyes at Natalie. However, I can’t bring myself to even lift up my lips.
“Hey, you okay, man?” Miles’s words filled with worry.
“Trying to be.” I swallow and run my hand over my face, “We will both need some time.” I turn my gaze at the closed door of our bedroom.
“If you need anything just let us know, we are here.” Miles gives me a half-hug, then after a while, he leaves with Natalie.
Before leaving Natalie promised me that I don’t need to worry about anything as she will handle all the work at our beach house.
Honestly, at this is the point I am hardly worried about anything as everything seems so meaningless. All I am concerned about is Abigail because as Grace has said, even I am fearing that she will shut herself off.
When I enter our bedroom, I find Abigail staring at the wall as her arms are around Noel who is fast asleep on her chest.
Her face looks completely calm but her eyes are empty like someone has sucked the life out of them.
My lips part as a small defeated sigh passes through my lips because there is nothing that can lessen our pain.
Quietly, walking to her I sit beside her and takes her hand in mine. She blinks and looks at me, I watch her opening her mouth to say something, but again she shuts it as if she doesn’t know what to say.
Silence passes between us, just by staring at each other... sharing our pain and lending each other the strength which we need.
“I am sorry,” she speaks, her voice sounds pained but her face still blank.
"It is not your fault, Abigail." I frown looking at her, as I realize she is blaming herself for this. "You can't blame yourself for something which was not in your hand."
"Please, remove this thought out of your mind." Standing up, I pull her into a side hug while placing a kiss on her head, "Don't blame yourself for anything."
"We have Noel, we have each other." I caress Noel's head, "We will be okay, we will get through this."
"We have Noel." She nods her head, "I have Noel."
Sitting next to her, I wrap my arm around her shoulders as I watch Noel sleeping soundly unaware of everything. My heart clenches painfully as I think about our child, as it would have been nothing but pure bliss to watch him or her in my Abigail's arms with their big brother.
"Do you want me to put him into the crib?" I gently ask, wanting Abigail to rest as she has been up since morning and rest will be good for her.
"No." She quickly shakes her head, and I don't miss the way her hold tightens on Noel like she is afraid to let him go, "Please, let him with me."
"I want him to be close to me," she glances down at Noel, and whispers in a very quiet tone.
"Okay, but lie down and try to sleep." I run my hand through her hair while nodding my head.
"Nathan." She holds my hand when I am about to leave, "Please, stay with me."
The hint of desperation in her voice pierces my heart. The emotional turmoil inside her is forcing her to break, but she is holding herself together.
Slipping beside her, I hold her in a protective embrace. The small ragged breath which she takes nearly crushes me from inside.
I bite my lower lip to stop myself from breaking down when I feel the moisture from her eyes seeping into my shirt as she hides her face in my chest while silently crying.
I want to tell her it is okay, but I know these words are as hallow as our hearts after losing a part of us.