Trust is a strange thing.
When you trust a person even if everyone is against them, you will stand with them. If anyone questions you, why do you trust that person even when everything is pointing in their direction? Then the answer is simple, because you trust them.
You turn a blind eye to all the logic and reason, all you do is trust.
Yeah, I have that kind of trust in Nathan.
I am hurt and angry because it is natural to feel this way when you see your husband with someone else. But this doesn't mean I doubt him.
He is not perfect, he is far from perfect but every day I have seen him trying to become better. And that's what matters. However, it doesn't mean that he will not do any mistakes.
"Nathan, for God's sake, start speaking." I hold my head in my hands, "Before I lose my mind." I yank my hair because his silence is making me crazy.
"Calm down." He places his hand on my shoulder.
"Don't touch me," I yell removing his hand, "Don't touch me." I hold my hand in front of me because I don't want him to come anywhere near me because the image of Dina comes in my mind.
"Okay...okay." He steps back, "Just calm down, stress is not good for you."
"Don't tell me what is good for me or not." I glare at him, "Just fucking answer me what were you doing there with her and why were you trying to hide this from me?"
"When we were at the party she called me and told me that somebody has abused her and she is really scared she doesn't know what to do." He sits on the floor in front of me. "Of course, I didn't believe her. But then I thought if all this is true then I will not be able to face myself ever again knowing that a girl has gone through something horrible like this and asked for my help and I ignored her just because I don't like her." He runs his hand numerous times through his hair. "No one deserves this."
"Why hasn't she called her brother?" I look at him, "Why you?"
"She said she was scared that her brother will kill her because he never cared about her." He slightly frowns as if even he finds this weird.
"Of course." I scoff.
"Please, continue." I press my lips together while anger is running through my veins as all this was her plan.
He exhales a long breath, the weight of everything shadows beneath his eyes.
"I reached her apartment but haven't called the police, yet, because I was not sure whether she was telling the truth or not." He shrugs rubbing the back of his neck.
"Her front door was partially shut and when I entered her apartment the first thing which I saw was that everything was turned upside down. I could hear her crying sound coming from her bedroom and when I went inside the room..." He blows out air while shaking his head, "It was bad." He glances at me with sad eyes.
His expression clearly shows he is really affected by whatever he has seen there.
"She was curled up on the floor and was in such bad shape." He swallows and shakes his head like he is trying to remove that image. "God, I don't want to see something like this ever again." He speaks to himself.
"When she looked at me, at first, she started screaming it took her a few moments to realize that is was me." He points at my mobile, "She hugged me and started crying... I was just consoling her."
Yeah and amid all this, someone clicked your picture and send it to me.
How can somebody stoop so low that they even lie about something like this? Abuse is not a joke, and she so efficiently fabricated all this.
"You left me there alone for her." Clenching my jaws, I narrow my eyes at him accusingly because I am mad at her for doing all this purposely and I am mad at him for believing her.
"Seriously, Abigail?" He looks at me in disbelief, "I have just told you that a girl got molested and you are accusing me of leaving you alone."
"Yes, I left you there because I was worried about you." He throws up his hands in frustration, "I was worried that hearing about something like this would trigger your memories. I have witnessed you crying in your sleep because of nightmares, and God knows how much it killed me to see you trembling in fear while I am not able to do anything about it. I was afraid that again you will fall into that darkness. I was thinking about your safety because I don't know who might have been there. That is why I don't want you to come with me or even find out about this."
He looks mad at me and his anger is justified because somewhere even I know it was my mistake to accuse him. I haven't shared my doubt with him yet, he must have felt that I am blaming him for cheating on me.
"I know you don't like her, even I don't like her." He glares at me, "But don't be so insensitive... You also know how it feels when a girl goes something like this. And here she went through something which even you haven't experienced."
His words feel like a slap on my face.
"Thank you so much, Nathan, for telling me what kind of shitty person I am." I swallow the hurt which his words have caused even more than I can imagine, even it is my mistake but he should not have said this, "I am sorry for being insensitive maybe because if I had been raped then I could feel her pain."
"But don't worry, when you are going to leave me to rescue some other poor woman, whose husband has cheated on her then I will be able to understand her pain. Or maybe when you will lend your shoulder to a crying girl whose marriage is just a fucking joke then I will be able to relate to her." Picking up the phone I slam it hard against the wall while my chest rises and falls rapidly because I am beyond furious.
"Abigail, you are making it a big deal." He stands up and tries to approach me.
"I am making a big deal because it is a big deal!" I yell as tears spring in my eyes.
"Can't you see? Are you fucking blind?" I wave my hands in front of me, "All this was just her act to get you."
"Why would anyone lie about something as serious as molestation? She already knows that I love you. In fact, she realized her behavior was wrong and she even apologized for it." He places his hands on my shoulders making me turn to him.
"Abigail, I will never do anything to break your trust." He holds my face, "I can never do this to you."
"Nathan, I do trust you." Biting inside of my cheeks, I nod my head, "I trust you so much, that some times I feel like a fool." I push his hands away from my face.
"I didn't know that you are so dumb that you can't see what is she trying to do?" I laugh cleaning my face with my hands, "She bloody tricked you and you believed her."
Has she succeeded somewhere? Because we are fighting because of her.
"Suddenly, she left the party, then her sister-in-law made sure to keep me occupied to not to notice your absence, later I receive your picture from an unknown number." I shrug, "Nothing fishy there at all, right? "
"So much happened in her apartment and nobody heard anything or called the police, maybe she was alone in the entire building." I shrug nonchalantly, "Out of all the people she knows, she only called you. It seems like I am not the only one who trusts you, maybe she trusts you even more than me." I laugh humorlessly.
Sucking in a sharp breath, I attempt to stop myself from breaking down. When I am sure I am not going to turn into a sobbing mess, I glance at him.
"All this is just not about trust, it is about realizing what things can affect us or our relationship which you sometimes don't understand." Wrapping my arms around myself I take a deep breath trying to soothe the unbearable ache inside my chest.
"Abigail, I was not sleeping with her." He runs his fingers through his hair while clenching his jaws, "You are making it sound like I was sleeping with her. Why do I feel like you don't trust me?"
"Trust Nathan... I trust Nathan." I sigh, "I don't remember how many times I have said this to myself in these past few hours, that at one point it started to sound fake even to my ears. But my heart never once doubted you." I wipe my tears, but more follow them. "Still I trust you because I know you can never break my trust."
"I know you love me... I know you are faithful to me." Swallowing, I look into his eyes, which are filled with pain just like mine, "But I am hurt, Nathan, and I have every reason to be. If you were in my place even you would have felt the same way. And here all you are only worried about me not trusting you. Still, you don't care about how I am feeling."
"The things which you have said to me make me wonder do you even know me? Because if you did then you had never said those words to me." Blinking rapidly, I look heavenward feeling angry at myself for not able to stop these tears.
"More than anything your words have hurt me. Why can't you think about how your words are going to affect me? Every time when you are angry you say the most hurtful things to me. Why at that moment you don't remember that you love me?" My voice cracks.
Then before I know I have started crying as ugly sobs wrack through my body.
The next moment familiar arms wrap around me as Nathan gathers me in his arms and tightens his hold when I try to get away from him. Like always he simply holds me letting me cry while he keeps murmuring sweet nothings into my ears.