After calling the nursery to check on Noel, I put down the phone feeling relaxed that he has been still sleeping. Since I have smashed my mobile, I am relying on my office phone for now.
For months Nathan and I had been discussing to establish an in-office nursery for the employees as now we can understand how it must be difficult for parents to leave their children at home. When we shared our idea with our employees, it was welcomed so without any delay we started working on it. So finally, one month back the nursery was ready.
So now not only us, even other employees can bring children to work. Honestly, I regret not having this idea earlier, because I have noticed how much our workers are happy with it. Especially, it is a big relief for single parents and new moms.
While for us, it has become even more convenient to bring Noel to the office. We don’t have to worry about him as such when we both are busy with our work. Although, I and Nathan keep checking on him as he becomes grumpy if stays away from us for a longer period of time. He will be fine if anyone from the family is with him, otherwise, he needs us to be around him.
The sound of light knocking on the door, makes me pause my work as an office boy enters the room carrying a parcel.
“You have got a parcel.” He places the box in front of me, then asks, “Do you need anything, coffee or something?”
“No, thank you, Simon.” I politely smile at him, then giving a slight nod he leaves.
I look at the parcel to search for the name of the sender but find none. Carefully, I remove the brown paper wrapping from around it and open the box to find a mobile in it... actually two mobiles in it.
Biting the inside of my cheeks I try to hold my laugh as I read the notes attached to both mobiles.
One note says ”For my wife" while the other one says, ”For Noel’s Mama."
The reason why I find this so funny is that the note which says for Noel’s mama is attached to a toy phone.
Noel has a habit of throwing Nathan’s phone as he gets irritated when Nathan tries to take his phone from Noel’s hand. So, we bought a toy phone for him which he doesn’t like at all and keeps on throwing it in anger when he doesn’t get his hand on real mobile.
“Do I have to tell you which mobile is for which purpose?” Nathan walks inside as usual without bothering to ask for permission and takes a seat in front of the table.
“This for regular use.” He taps at the real phone, “And this is for when you are in Noel’s angry mode.” He waves the toy phone in front of my face with a light chuckle.
I try to give him an unimpressed look, but the betraying smile on my lips is not helping me.
“There is no as such rule, that you can’t smile when you are mad at someone.” Raising his eyebrows, he nods his head, “So, I guess, you can smile.” He shrugs while trying to look nonchalant.
"If it will make you feel better than I will just close my eyes, so you can smile and I will not know that you are smiling.” He closes his eyes and leans back in the chair.
Now it is extremely difficult to hold my smile which soon turns in to soft laughter.
Nathan’s lips curve into a smile as he opens his eyes.
“I asked you to smile and you are laughing so does it mean that you still too mad at me or now you are slightly mad at me?” He arches an eyebrow.
My laugh dies making me release a deep breath.
“Nathan, I don’t know.” Leaning on my elbows, I hold my head in hands, “I just don’t know.” I sigh.
“You said things which really hurt me.” I link my fingers together on the back of my neck, “It is just not easy to behave normally pretending as if those words were never been said.”
“I know it was my fault too because I reacted rashly, without even sharing my doubts with you.” I huff a quick breath and rubs my face with my hands, “But you can’t understand how it feels to see the person who is yours to be with someone else even when you know the truth.”
“If I didn’t trust you then I would have thought you have just gone back to your old ways.” I lick my lips as my throat feels dry, “But because I trust you, not even once this thought came into my mind. However, this doesn’t mean I was not angry at you.”
“Abigail, I know unknowingly I did a mistake but even you have to understand my reason behind it. My intentions were never to hurt you. I am sorry for saying some hurtful things to you, but even you also know I never meant those things.” Leaning forward he covers my hands with his. “Somewhere, our reactions were triggered by our actions. We both were right, at the same time we both were wrong.”
“We have to talk about our issues to sort them out. So any such things don’t occur again in the future.” He gently squeezes my hands, “I can’t say that we will never fight in the future because I know it is impossible. You are a strong-headed person, even I have a temper, and we can’t change that because this makes us who we are. However, what we can change is the way we act in such situations.”
Holding his hands back, I look at him suddenly feeling mentally exhausted with everything that has happened in the last twenty-four hours.
“You are right, Nathan. I know we should talk... we have to talk because we can’t just brush everything under the carpet.” Closing my eyes, I shake my head, “But for now, I know I am not ready to talk. I am so mentally exhausted.”
“Just thinking about everything, makes my blood boil.” I clench my teeth, “I just want to go and smack that bitch for plotting all this.”
“And maybe I will do, probably I will take Natalie with me because God knows how much she would love to deal with her,” I smirk, knowing full well what my lioness is capable of doing.
“About that...” He clears his throat, “We need to talk about that too.” He raises his eyebrows and slowly nods his head.
“Last night, I went to Dina’s apartment again.” He starts speaking, "And talked to her?" He frowns looking confused as if these are not the correct words which he should have used.
"She didn't accept that she was lying-" he continues but I interrupt him.
“Okay, Nathan, we will go home and talk about everything, including this God damn Dina.” I grit my teeth because I feel like my mind is going to explode in anger and my anger is directed towards this Dina, “But before that, I don’t want to hear even her name from your mouth.”
“God! My head is hurting with all this shit.” Closing my eyes, I groan while rubbing my temples with my fingers.
Most of the days, I feel dizzy which results in headaches but at this moment the reason behind my headache is pure rage.
Nathan’s fingers replace mine as he gently massages my head forcing me to lean back in my chair.
“Just try to relax, okay?” His lips touch my forehead in a soft kiss as he continues to massage my head and slowly his hands move towards my neck and shoulders.
He is extremely caring and sweet as well. I do agree in anger he becomes mean, but then he has this side too. And his caring side overshadows his other side.
So, I don't know, how can you stay mad at him for long?
"I love you," I say quietly, feeling like it has been ages since I have said these words to him. "I feel maybe it is somewhere my fault, that you have this doubt in your mind that I don't trust you."
When I doubted myself, he trusted me and showed me through his every action and word that he means it. He loved me when I have lost the hope that such a thing even exists for me, because honestly, at that point I have even stopped loving myself.
And here he has only one fear of losing my trust and I am not even able to assure him that he doesn't have anything to worry about. That I trust him as much as I trust myself... perhaps even more than that.
"I don't have any doubt, Abigail." He sighs and turns my chair to him, "I know you trust me, but still there is a fear inside me." He crouches in front of me and places his hands on my knees.
"Think of it as, the fear of losing something which is extremely important to you. Your trust means everything to me because I have lost it once and have experienced that pain and guilt when I used to see distrust in your eyes. So, whatever I do my biggest worry will always be just to never lose your trust. I have this childish belief that if you trust me, then everything will be fine." He lowers his head on his hands, which are resting on my knees.
"You already have my trust, Nathan, even if everyone will be against you then I will be with you... because I trust you." I run my fingers through his hair, "You have earned my trust, so now it is time that even you should accept this."
He sighs and nods his head against my knee.
"Love you." I lift his head and kiss his nose with a smile, which makes him roll his eyes. Because I don't know why he hates it when I kiss his nose, but that doesn't stop me. Why? Because even I love annoying him.
Standing up he wraps his arms around my shoulder for a moment or two then releases me. However, now he looks much relaxed like some of his burdens have been lifted off of his chest.
“Abigail, when we get home we will talk about all this stuff because it is important and taking a toll on our relationship. I want to sort out our differences as soon as possible. Also, I have decided something which I want to share with you, and I am going to need your support.”