I wait for Nathan on the terrace, enjoying the evening breeze while he went to check on Abigail as she was feeling down.
"How is she?" I ask when he returns taking a beer bottle from his hand which he brought with him.
"Stubborn." He huffs.
"What happened?" I ask turning in my seat to face him.
He lets out a long sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose.
"She is suffering from preeclampsia in this pregnancy too, which is freaking me out." He runs his hand through his hair as he looks away, "I am trying to stay calm as much as possible, but the truth is I am scared because after whatever happened with the other baby..." He trails off shaking his head.
"I am terrified of losing this baby or her... If anything happens to the baby, I will lose her as well because I have seen how much it had affected her when she lost our other baby." He lets out a harsh breath pressing his finger and thumb against his eyes.
"Nothing will happen to her or baby." Keeping the beer bottle near the foot of the chair and I place my hand on his shoulder, "We both know she is strong. So even you should stay strong."
"And don't let all these negative thoughts invade your mind, because negativity only attracts negativity." I throw my arm around his shoulder, "Only think about the moment when you and Abigail will have your little boy in your arms."
He releases a long breath and nods his head, as he swallows.
After a moment, he turns to look at me and gives me a small smile.
"Thanks, talking to you really lifted some of the burden off my chest."
"You know I am always there for you." I pat his back with a smile, "I am a permanent annoying thing in your life and you can't do anything about it." I laugh.
"You must be annoying and irritating as fuck, but you are my brother so I don't think I would want to change anything." He shoves my shoulder playfully, and a little too harshly as I half stumble from my chair.
"Asshole." I glare at him, as I save myself from completely falling by placing my hand on the floor while he chuckles.
His laugh turns into a smile as he offers me his hand, rolling my eyes I grab it as he pulls me straight.
"You told me earlier at lunch that you want to talk about something important?" I raise my eyebrow, "So, what is it?"
He blows out a breath as if he is preparing himself to say his next words.
"Have you talked to your dad recently?" He asks while a frown forms on my lips as this is the last thing I had expected him to talk about.
"No." I shake my head with a sigh, "I haven't."
"You should, Miles," he says softly, "I think he needs you, I have seen him at the hospital when I took Abigail for her routine check-up. He didn't look good."
I swallow as I look down at my clasped hands.
I don't know how I should feel about knowing that he needs me. I tried to push past the feeling of hurt, but whenever I look at him everything just rushes coming back to me.
"He was not there for me when I needed him." My voice comes out firm while a fear lingers inside my heart thinking about something happening to him.
"But you are not him." He places his hand over my mine, forcing me to look at him, "You are better than him, show him the person who you are. Don't let that hate overcome your kindness."
"It fucking hurts every time when I recall how he abandoned me." I push my emotions down while clenching my eyes shut, "You know when you lost your baby at that time I couldn't stop myself from comparing you... and Abby, with my dad."
"Somewhere you both went through the same pain as him... the pain of losing your child. But you both choose your other son, instead of drowning yourself in pain, and pull yourself together for him because you know he needs you." I bite my lip trying to keep myself together, "Abigail almost lost it even then she was worried about Noel, she found her comfort in him. Not like him, who found his comfort in the bottle of alcohol." I humorless chuckles leave my lips along with some tears which I quickly wipe.
"It is not easy to forget, Nathan." I suck in a sharp breath, "It still hurts me to think, how he turned his back on us. He didn't even return for me when mom died, even then he didn't think of me. I had a father, but I was orphaned the moment my mom died." Another tear slips from my eyes, following by some more.
"I used to live in a hope that now when I have no one, at least now he would feel pity for me and come back to me." My breath becomes ragged remembering all those moments I had spent watching out of the window waiting for him to come back.
"But then I just accepted that even I have lost my father the moment when my mother breathed her last breath." I press the heel of my palms against my eyes as I harshly wipe my tears, "With that acceptance, I finally made peace with my life."
Nathan pulls me into a tight hug, and I hug him back because I needed this hug from my friend... my brother who always stood by my side.
"You have us, Miles." Nathan slaps my back, "So never think that you have no one."
"You have a crazy wife who loves you and a son to whom you mean everything. You have a family." He smiles at me and lightly pat my cheek, "We all love you, and just want you to be happy."
After a few moments of silence passes between us, as I try to gather my thoughts.
Nathan turns to me with a knowing look in his eyes.
"Whenever, you wish to talk to him and want someone to be there with you, just tell me." He looks straight into my eyes, "I am going to be there with you. You don't have to do this alone."
I smile at him gratefully, as my mind drifts to my father because even though he has hurt me, still I don't wish anything bad for him.
Maybe I will talk to him and find out what is going on.
Not for him, but myself.