Today, I truly understand the meaning of running around like a headless chicken.
Especially when I am that headless chicken.
In two days, we are bringing Levi home and I am feeling anxious is an understatement.
I have already got the house sanitized, but I am feeling it is not enough. I don’t want to take any chances with my Levi’s health.
He is doing really well and has reached all his milestones so now he is ready to come home. So, I just want to make sure there is nothing in the house that can affect his health negatively.
I have myself cleaned each and everything in his nursery along with our bedroom, just to feel satisfied that I have taken all the necessary measures to make our home as germ-free as possible.
Levi will stay in our room with us, as he will need us around him most of the time. So even Noel's stuff has been moved to our room, so even he will be sharing the room with us.
Nathan and I wanted to shift to the beach house, as it is away from here and peace is what we need after these few chaotic past weeks, but since the hospital is near this house so we dropped that idea.
There is another thing which is giving me sleepless nights. My fear of unconsciously overlooking Noel in any way. I am afraid that Noel might feel neglected as Levi will need more of my attention. But then I know he is already in his exploring stage so my little explorer will be too occupied in his own little adventures. But still, it doesn't lessen my worry.
I don't want to slack in my duty towards Noel and make him feel less important. I love both of my sons immensely, but still, Noel is really close to me as he is my first baby.
He is the one because of whom I am a mother. He invoked the maternal feelings inside my heart, he made me realize the strength that I have inside me with which I can face any difficulty for my children. Moreover, he is the one who gave a new meaning to my life and made it even more beautiful than it was already.
Trying to keep a balance between our kids, Nathan and I have decided that if I am tending Noel then his attention will be on Levi, and when I am with Levi then he will be focusing on Noel. So in this way, none of them feel that we are giving them any less attention.
I just hope things work out in the best way for us.
I am even worried about how Noel is going to react to Levi, as he hasn't really met him. We have shown him his pictures and talk about Levi with him, but meeting him in person is a different thing.
Noel has got Nathan's possessiveness, and he has never really seen us with Levi, so I don't know how he will accept this change. There are two possibilities either everything will go smoothly, or we have to prepare ourselves to handle a really difficult Noel.
But I know my Noey's heart is full of love although there are only a handful of people who are blessed with his affection as he mostly prefers to keep it to himself. However, I am sure that he will love Levi with all his heart, once he bonded with him.
Leaning back on the chair, I put the pen down as I have finished making the list.
I adjust Noel's head on my shoulder when I feel him slumping against it as he has fallen asleep on my shoulder. Adjusting my grip on him, I recheck the list of things that we might need for Levi.
But then soft snores of Noel disconnects me from everything which is going on in my mind, as I decide to enjoy these peaceful moments with my little one.
Walking to the big couch, I shift Noel in my arms and sit on the couch while crossing my legs in front of me. Noel whines as his face scrunch up in displeasure because his sleep has been slightly disturbed but soon he falls back asleep when I lightly hum to him.
I don't know when even I have fallen asleep, but my eyes open when I feel some shuffling beside me. Turning my face to the right, I find guilty-looking Nathan.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." He glances at me sheepishly, "I just thought to sit with you guys." A soft smile upturns his lips.
"It just feels like it has been like forever since we three have peacefully spent time together." He caresses Noel's head, I can't help but smile when Noel pouts while sleeping.
"It is either, we are juggling between house and hospital or we are running behind this little guy." He quietly chuckles as his eyes are settled on Noel.
"Just two more days, then we will have our Levi with us to spoil him with our love." He locks his eyes with mine, "From three, we will be able to live as a family of four. I seriously can't wait to finally hold both of my boys in my arms." His eyes shine with excitement.
"We will be okay, right?" I ask Nathan as lots of things are going on in my mind, but most importantly my heart needs assurance that this change will not affect us, "You and me, we will be fine?"
Kids are a beautiful extension of parents, they strengthen the bond. But sometimes, it may take a toll on the couple's relationship and unintentionally they drift apart as their life just revolves around the family and kids.
I know this is will never happen with us, as we both have promised to keep each other and our relationship first under every circumstance. First us, then anything or anyone else. But still, sometimes hearing this from his mouth gives my heart the comfort of knowing that everything will work out.
"As long as we are together, everything will always be okay." Holding my hand, he kisses the back of my hand as interlocks our fingers, "Us before everyone, nothing can change this."