Letting Go To Love
The first person who drew a dark cloud in my blue sky was a woman named Amelia.
She had beautiful black hair and a compelling smile. It was impossible for anyone to not fall in love with her or her smile.
And that was my downfall.
Her compelling smile.
I was only seven when she kissed my forehead and whispered, “one day, you will understand, Ivy. I love you, my baby but I have to go.”
Then, she walked out with tears in her eyes while I screamed out my lungs, trying to break out of my father’s grip to stop her.
He held on too tight. And I wasn’t strong enough.
The last thing I remember of that day was how she didn’t even turn around and look back but walked ahead, holding her best friend’s hand.
I didn’t understand what her best friend really meant to her at that time. But, I did when I grew older.
And, by then, it didn’t really matter.
I already hated that woman. Both of them.
“Hatred takes you nowhere, Ivy” his soothing voice almost convinced me.
I scoffed bitterly, shocked at his nerve.
“You want me to talk to that woman. The woman who left me when I was only seven years old to be with her lover. You might have forgotten who you are talking to, Pierce” I seethed, glaring at him.
He closed his eyes and breathed in. I would have rejoiced about the fact that I was getting under his skin but I was too angry to care now.
He opened his eyes again, feigning calm. “What she did was not fair to you, Ivy. Trust me, I know. She should have been more considerate. After all, she was your mother.”
I flinched at the word ‘mother’ but I nodded in satisfaction. Maybe, he finally understood.
But, as I went to respond, he interrupted me.
“But” he contradicted, “you have to think about her too. She fell in love with another woman. It would have broken her to stay with your father. She fell in love with her, Ivy and she couldn’t stay. It wasn’t her fault.”
My eyes narrowed into slits. “You are right. It wasn’t her fault. It was yours.”
His eyes widened in confusion.
“You are the God of Love. You bonded her with someone else. you are the one who keeps fucking me up at every chance you get” I accused.
His eyes rolled back and he groaned. “Goddess, I have never seen anyone like you.”
His words took me by such surprise that I almost forgot about my anger. Almost.
“I will take the as a fucking compliment” I spit, my glare intensifying.
His face was expressionless and his eyes displayed annoyance. “It was supposed to be one. Nobody had ever been able to make me this annoyed before” he admitted.
That made me smug. I loved the fact that I was able to break his careful composure. But, I was preoccupied with something else to put to much thought into it at the moment.
“I am not talking to her” I informed, sure of my decision.
His eyes projected disappointment and that almost made me change my mind. He blew out a breath and stared into my eyes.
“Look, Ivy, I can’t change your mind” he conceded, “but holding on to hatred would do nothing but make you bitter.”
I closed my eyes, not wanting him to see what I was feeling. I didn’t talk for a while, trying to regain my demeanor.
Then, like every time I am with him, my mouth spoke at the consent of my heart.
“She didn’t call, she never visited. She never tried to become a part of my life. Not until last year. I never asked her to stay with dad but she never turned back for me. I meant that little to her” my voice was a soft hum.
I heard him sigh before a weight settled on the edge of the bed beside me. His hands went around my arms as he tugged me close.
“She might not deserve your forgiveness, Ivy but you deserve to be happy. And holding on to this anger won’t let you be happy. So, do it for yourself, ivy. Not for her.”
I bit my bottom lip, leaning my head against his shoulder.
We sat there, silence stretching as I stayed immersed in my thoughts and basking in his silent comfort.
He was right. I deserved to be happy. Or, at least, I wanted to be.
And if to gain happiness, I needed to let go, maybe, maybe, I could try.
I could try forgiving her.
So, I murmured Pierce’s name softly.
“Hmm?” he hummed.
“I need a little time.”
Almost a month later, I heard my phone ringing again. Looking away from the computer screen, I focused on the one.
I looked at the caller ID and almost declined, but Pierce’s piercing eyes flashed through my head.
‘She might not deserve your forgiveness but you deserve to be happy, Ivy’
His voice kept playing in my mind like a broken tape recorder until I gave in.
I picked up the phone.