Showing You Love

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Struggles In Love

Unlike before, most of my weekends nowadays weren’t spent indoors, curled up in front of my laptop, either doing work or watching a movie. On the contrary, due to Pierce’s growing interest in human creations, we spent a lot of time roaming around at the weekends and seeing places.

But, today was different than usual. At my unwillingness to step outside, Pierce and I decided to nurture his newfound obsession with watching movies.

As a result, we were sitting in my living-room this Saturday night with the lights dimmed with a large bowl of popcorn resting on my lap.

The movie continued playing in the background but I couldn’t find myself being able to focus on it. No, my sole focus was directed at Pierce’s everchanging facial expressions while he looked completely immersed in the plot.

But that didn’t stop him from noticing where my attention laid.

Every once in awhile, he would turn to look at me with a knowing glint in his eyes, give me one of his soft smiles and return to watching his movies. All the while, not getting uncomfortable at my unhindered staring or asking me to stop looking at him.

A few days ago, while thinking about my parents and their loving partners, a new worry had sparked inside my head. It hadn’t left my head since then.

And the most distracting thing wasn’t that my brain refused to stop thinking about it but that my brain kept insisting that I ask Pierce about it. I had almost given up on that temptation many times but had been able to stop myself on time. I convinced myself that I would bring up the topic when the time was appropriate.

As the peaceful aura surrounded us, every part of me started whispering that it was the right time. Even if I didn’t want to cause an interruption at Pierce’s entertainment.

My eyes drifted to the screen, checking for how long the movie would continue playing. Realizing that not even half of it was over, a frustrated sigh left my lips.

The sound drew Pierce’s focus away from the screen and towards me. With an amused smile, he asked, “not enjoying the movie?”

“No, it’s a good movie” I replied, having already watched it before.

He gave me a disbelieving look. “You haven’t looked at the screen even once.”

I shrugged. “I already watched it. I know the plot by heart.”

He looked at my face before turning back to look at the running movie. Grabbing the remote, he paused it and then turned back to look at me.

“Okay. What’s wrong?” he inquired.

With the lift of an eyebrow, I asked, “what makes you think that something’s wrong?”

He smiled. “You are too distracted. You have been like this for the past few days. Also… you are more grouchy than your usual self.”

As if proving his point, I scowled and threw a pillow at him. Laughing, he caught it and placed it down. Then he turned back to look at me, his playful smile turning a little serious.

Grabbing a hold of my hand, he soothingly rubbed his thumb in circular patterns. “Go on, tell me. What’s wrong?”

I gave him a slight smile. “Nothing’s wrong. I just… I wanted to ask you something.”

His reassuring smile told me to go on.

With a deep breath, I fired, “are there people without someone being destined to them?”

The confusion and apprehension that flashed in his eyes contrasted with the calm and undeterred expression displayed on his face. “Yes. There are souls that exist better as free spirits rather than tied down to someone else’s soul.”

His words brought a slight sense of relief to me. It meant that there was a chance of me not being bonded to someone else. And that idea appealed to me.

I didn’t want to be bonded to someone when my heart clearly yearned for another person.

But, his statement didn’t exactly confirm that I had been left alone and didn’t have another person’s soul tied to mine.

So, with a little hesitance, I asked again, “do I have someone bonded to me?”

A flicker of hurt danced upon his face before a mask took its place, blocking out any other emotion from showing.

The sudden change in his expression caused the atmosphere of the room to change as well. The air surrounding us grew thicker.

“Why do you want to know?” his voice was monotoned and it brought a frown to my face.

I had seen him when he felt disappointed, happy, annoyed or playful. But I had never seen him like this. Though he barely gave any hint of emotions, I could feel that he was angry.

It left me unsettled.

“Well, I want to know if someone is waiting out there for me” I replied, feigning nonchalance.

The hand he was holding suddenly felt bare. I could feel the temperature inside the room grew colder.

“Oh, so you want someone to be destined to you, huh?” he sneered, his poker face dissolving into a steely glare that he targeted at me.

His reaction left me ungrounded. He was never the one to lose his temper and get angry. He was calm, always having a firm grip on his anger.

I didn’t know how to deal with this side of his.

“Yes, I do. I mean, wouldn’t get curious about something like that?” I replied defensively, my brain unable to come up with any other response.

He smiled, unlike any of his other smiles. This one dripped with bitterness. It wasn’t calming or gentle. It was dark and upsetting.

Without any further words or explanation, he rose from the loveseat that we were sitting at and backed away from me.

“Where are you going?” I asked, my voice lower than I intended it to be.

He didn’t look at me. “Away from here.”

Before I could muster up any response, the violent golden glow appeared, forcing me to shut my eyes. And when I reopened them, he was gone.

I stared at the spot from where he disappeared. My apartment suddenly felt empty for the first time after I met him.

I didn’t know why he got angry. I had no idea about what part of the conversation ticked him off. I couldn’t understand what I had said that caused him to react so harshly.

As I kept on staring at the same spot for countless minutes, the previous situation kept playing in my head like a broken record.

My confused mind kept pondering over our conversation, judging every word that left my mouth. I still couldn’t understand what had gone wrong.

But, that didn’t stop the flow of tears that flooded my eyes.

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