I stuck to myself, I avoided everyone as much as I could. I would get up, shower, run downstairs grab a bit to eat, drive to work, spend my day in the gym mainly in the gym, paperwork and then end my day eating in my room.
This went on for weeks and no one stopped me, I made sure I used work to keep them all busy, setting schedules for them all.
“Where is my daughter?” I heard Trent boom as I tensed, I hadn’t seen him in weeks, I shrugged off his calls and avoided him saying I was busy with work.
His footsteps boomed heavily up the stairs as he slammed the door open.
“Dad… what are you doing here?” I said timidly, trying to feign that I was busy.
“Enough of this Samantha, you can stop this wallowing and get a grip on your life. You are ignoring everyone. You have us all right here and now and you are pushing everyone away! Enough is enough!” He shouted at me as I moved further back towards my closet. My panic room was hidden behind it.
“I’m not worth it. I never was! I’m a disappointment to everyone, including my mother!” I scream at him before pressing the secret code and locking myself into my panic room before he could get to me. I watched on my camera screens as he tried to punch and kick to get in. But there was no way he was getting through the steel that surrounded me.
“Samantha open the door now!” He shouted as I heard him through the speakers.
I punched one of the screens in anger and stare at the shards of sharp glass, picking a long thick sliver, placing a finger along it as I winced as it cut me.
My dad was on the phone shouting down the speaker at my uncle asking for the override codes as Taylor and Damien rushed into my room.
“Sam, let me in Sam. Don’t you dare do this again. Don’t you dare leave us” Taylor sobbed as I remembered the last time, I had tried to take my life, looking to the scars that were light on my wrist.
“Fuck!” I screamed as I sliced the glass down my wrist as pain flashed through me, I began to regret my decision.
I fell against the wall, holding my wrist closed as I pressed my shoulder into the huge red exit button as the door to the panic room opened as several pairs of eyes rushed towards me.
“Sam, no not again” Taylor cried getting to me first as tears flooded my face.
“I…I…I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry” I cried as he ripped off his shirt and pressed it into my wound as I hissed.
“Why?” He cried
“I didn’t want to do this anymore, it hurts too much” I cried as my father began to lift me up, fear flooding his face.
“Don’t you go anywhere sweetheart. Don’t you leave me” My father urged.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry” I repeated before I passed out.
“Perhaps we should send her to a facility” A voice I didn’t know said.
Panic sent in. No not a facility, it was the boarding school all over again.
“No! You can’t do that, they did that to her when she was ten and her mother died, you can’t send her off to some strangers who have no clue about her. She is better with us!” Taylor shouted.
“I really don’t see what choice we have. She tried to kill herself for a second time” The voice added.
“Yes and you didn’t hear the regret in her voice, why would she let us in to that room if she didn’t want help.” Taylor boomed back.
“She has a very delicate state of mind right now and I believe she is in a poisonous situation” they began.
“Poisonous situation… you’re joking. She is surrounded by people who love her. Of course she’s having issues right now, she was kidnapped for over a year. That doesn’t mean we are shipping her off! Over my dead fucking body” Taylor screamed as I heard his footsteps fall into my room angrily. I pretended to still be asleep.
“She’s not going anywhere” I heard Taylor by my side.
“I really think she needs our help. The facility is only a few hours away, you can visit and see her on days we permit visits…”
“Get out. You touch her and I’ll fucking rip you apart” Taylor growled as I suddenly opened my eyes to a man stood in fear at Taylor’s sheer size and strength.
“Taylor stop” I say quickly as he spins right back to me.
“You’re not leaving” He shakes his head sadly.
“You’re right, I’m not. Doctor, I understand what I did. I made a mistake. But I make a vow, I wont leave anyone’s side. I will go to counselling here I will confide in my friends and family. But I am NOT leaving” I said sternly. The man just sighs and nods leaving me alone with Taylor.
“Idiot” Taylor mumbles his back turned to me.
“Let it out” I state, knowing that he was brimming with words that were flying through his head. He had always been like that. I had to push for him to show his true feelings.
“No” He denied.
“Taylor. Let it out” I pushed.
“NO!” He yelled at me fury behind his eyes.
“Let…It…Out!” I pushed back for a final time.
“Fine, you want to know what I’m thinking. I’m thinking I was so fucking scared to lose you again. AGAIN Samantha! How could you do this to me! My fucking parents died and then you tried to leave me again! You were all I had for years! We nearly lost you to your grandfather, then Greg and then Vern. Then you pull this shit! How could you do this!” He screamed at me as tears flooded both our faces.
“I lost it. I lost it all. My mum died and I got put in that fucking school. I met you and you were a relief, but something never added up to me. Nothing ever made sense, but I went along with it. I trained hard for grandpa and he betrayed me! They lied, they all fucking lied. I lost everything I ever knew… My mother, my father, my family! Then what Taylor?! We come here and shit hits the fan and suddenly I have this whole other family I never knew of. The one guy I fall in love with abandons me when he finds me after looking for me for a year and I’m supposed to just be fine?!” I shout back.
“You were supposed to come to me. We have always had each other no matter what. Why didn’t you just come to me?” He kneeled beside my bed.
“I didn’t want to ruin you too. When I came back, I saw how happy you were with Damien, I didn’t want to ruin it. I didn’t want to burden anyone with my shit anymore. So I walled myself in and gave up. When my real father stormed into my room it was the tip of the iceberg. I let it out… the wrong way.”
“You would never ruin us Sammy. We are your family. We all want to help you. Outside that door in the waiting room is every single one of the people who love you and want to help you. Everyone is so upset and worried about you. Karlos, your Dad, your brothers, Shaun, Brian, Rob, James, Wayne, Damien and even Ben’s out there worried sick.” He listed taking my hand in his.
“I need my mum, Taylor, she’s gone, and I have no idea how I’m supposed to be. I haven’t had any female company in years. I love being one of the guys, but it gets overwhelming sometimes. Tracey was the closest thing I got before she died too.” I said sadly.
“You’d think Damien would be queen enough for you” Taylor chuckled lightly as a small smile escaped my face.
“I’m sorry for everything, I really am. I promise I will do better. I will talk, I will do better” I apologised as we hugged tightly.
“It’s ok. Just promise you will never pull this shit again. Talk to me if you feel the urge to do this, or any one of us. Please, we love you too much” Taylor looks into my eyes as I nod in response.
“He’s not coming back, is he?” I ask as Taylor looks at me solemnly.
“I don’t care. If he comes back right now, I’ll break his nose again. Bradley’s not coming near you again after what he’s done to you. No one breaks our girls’ heart.”
“Now, there’s some very worried guys waiting to see you. Anyone you want to see first? Or bundle them all in?” Taylor looked amused thinking of them all bundling into the room.
“Just get it over with” I answer preparing myself for the shit storm that was coming as Taylor placed a kiss on my forehead before rushing outside to get the guys.
“What were you thinking!”
“We were so worried!”
“Why Sam? WHY?”
All the guys kept talking over each other as I looked wide-eyed at the chaos around me. I finally saw it, my family were around me, my messed up dysfunctional family.
“Peach?” One word made the whole room stand still in silence; you could hear a pin drop.