Heal My Heart

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Chapter 21

As we got in, I could tell that Cameron knew that something was wrong and I didn’t really have a headache. I just pulled the seatbelt on and looked out the window, bitting on my lip to keep myself from crying. The car ride was silent for the most part.

That is, until I felt a larger hand take mine and I looked at Cameron, who was driving. He shot me a worried look before turning back to the road. “You okay?” he asked, looking back at the road, but glancing every once in awhile at me.

Bitting my lower lip, I shook my head. It didn’t help my case that a tear leaked out.

Cameron looked startled as he quickly pulled the car over to the side of the beach... far away from the beach party. This place seemed secluded - except for a very few people scattered around, here and there unlike the place we just left from.

“Hey, hey, hey, Sydney what happened?” Cameron asked me clearly paniced and worried at the same time. He undid his seatbelt and leaned over. His hands cupped my cheeks and his thumb gently rubbed under my eyes. I hadn’t realised that one tear had broken out all the tears I had been holding back all day. That I had been crying.

Oh, I was sobbing or anything, tears just streamed down my face like a waterfall and I hadn’t realised I had been crying until Cameron wiped my tears away.

“Sydney...” he urged me. “What happened? Please don’t cry”

I shook my head, not able to find the right words and bit down on my lip, trying to gather myself. Stop the tears from falling, but I had no control over them as they continued to stream down my cheeks. I squirmed around to face him and burried my head in his shoulder in a very awkwards position. My body was twisted half facing front and half facing Cameron. My arms wrapped around his neck as I didn’t try to stop my tears anymore.

I felt Cameron sigh as he dropped his hands from my cheek and gently rubbed my back. This only made me cry harder as I gasped for breath.

Cameron untied my seatbelt - I couldn’t do it alone - and once I was free from it, no longer in an awkward position he easily pulled me over the hand gear to his lap, hugging me tightly.

I didn’t even put up a fight as my hands fisted on his t-shirt and sobs wracked my body. My head burried on his chest as he rubbed soothing patterns on my back. “It’s alright Sydney. We’re not on the beach anymore. Nothings gonna happen to you, no ones gonna hurt you, I wouldn’t let them to” he soothed, whispering softly as he stroked my hair, his other hand around my waist holding me close.

Don’t ask me how he knew exactly what was wrong - he must have understood why I was crying cas he was saying the exact right things. What he said only made me snuggle closer to him, as he let me cry it out.

I have no idea for how long we stayed exactly like that for, but it was a long time before I could pull myself together and my tears dried out. I slackened my hold him and let my body relax against his strong frame, but didn’t make a move to move away from him. He too let me stay in his embrace, neither pushing me away or pulling away. He kept his hands around me - not as tightly - and left his face buried in the top of my head.

We stayed like that for awhile while I collected myself and pulled away from his arms. Very reluctantly, might I add? His embrace was dark and welcoming and I felt when he held me protectively close to him like he had been all night. It almost felt like I was with Nick.

“All cried out?” He asked me as I pulled away, trying to make light of the situation. Though it didn’t exactly cover the worry and concern filling his eyes as he peered at me in the darkness.

Sniffing I tried to smile, I really did, but tears filled my vision and my lips trembled all over again.

“Oh god! I’m sorry Sydney, I won’t joked again, please don’t start crying again” he said - almost cried - in panic and that made a laugh escape my lips through all the tears.

He let out a sigh, reveiled, but didn’t say anything I expected him to. I guess I’m to blame. He was afraid of making me cry again by telling - or asking - anything. He did however, reach out and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear and let his hand cupped my cheek. Almost sudconciously I leaned my head on his hand, making my head cock to the side.

It was silent inside the car. Neither of us knew what to say, but it wasn’t exactly uncomfortable.

I let my eyes travel away from Cameron’s face and to the beach. This place seemed secluded compared to the beach we had left... that’s when I notice the time. It was late. Very, very late, no wonder the beach looked secluded - apart from the very few people scattered here and there.

“Shall we take a walk?” Cameron asked me out of the blue, making my head snap back to his direction. Seeing my startled and confused gaze he added ” we could talk if you want to, or some fresh air might help.”

Getting where he was going with this I nodded my head. A distraction was exactly what I needed.

He opened the door and I quickly scrambled out, heat rushing to my face when I remembered that I was still sitting on his lap. He got out after me, but instead of waiting for him I went on ahead, knowing he’d catch up with me soon. I rubbed my cheek trying to get it to cool down. I didn’t want Cameron knowing I was blushing, cause then he’d want to know why I’m blushing and would tease me - later - for it.

He caught up with me pretty soon and fell into steps beside me. Neither of us had an urge to start up a conversation so we walked in a comfortable silence. I walked over to a park bench on the side or the pavement and flopped down on it. My eyes traveled to my feet and I felt it when Cameron sat down next to me, leaving enough distance between us for personal space.

I’m the one who leaned my head on his shoulder and closed the distance between us. I let my eyes close, too tried to fight to keep them open.

I guess I took Cameron by surprise since he took a while before he drapped his arm on the back of the bench, tucking me to his side.

This however wasn’t doing what I had hoped for. My mind kept wandering back to the beach. To Mark and the blondie he was with. Thankfully Cameron broken the silence between us.

“What happened back there Sydney?” He asked me, pulling me away from him and holding me at arms length. I just hung my head letting my hair fall on my face and stayed still. His question just brought on unwanted memories I was trying hard to push away. “You know, talking might help” he said to me softly, but I could tell by his tone that if didn’t want to talk about it, he was going to let me be.

Yet, I knew he was right. By talking, I might be able to put it behind me instead of bottling it all up. What did I have to lose?I already trusted Cameron enough to know he wouldn’t make fun of me for this.

Though I guess I was just afraid to let Cameron into the most vulnerable-est side of me. Mark was a touchy subject to me, even more than my sickness. I was afraid that he’d let me go after he learns the truth. I cared about the guy too much.

He didn’t force me to confess, he waited patiently still I gathered my self.

Finally taking a deep breath, I choked out “I saw Mark in the beach today.”

My vision blurred, but when I looked back up at Cameron through my lashes, I could tell I lost him. Obviously, he didn’t know who Mark is.

“He - he - he is my - e-ex” I strutted, trying to hold back the tears and sobs that threatened to spill. Thankfully, it covered the hurt in my voice. I looked away from him and re-directed my gaze to the sea and rolling waves.

“Oh!” Cameron muttered like he wasn’t sure what to make out of it. “So... that’s a bad thing because...?” He asked me, like he knew he shouldn’t but was too curious to let go of it. Especially when I seemed ready to tell.

I looked back at him too see him peering curiously at me. Sighing I softly told him ′ it’s a long story.′

“We have all night” he said with a careless shrug, but I could tell he really was interested to know what happened.

I let out another sigh, looking back at the ocean before I started telling him what happened.

“My mother... she left us when I was only 2 years old, so it had always been Nick, Tania and me. Daddy always travelled a lot, because of work. There used to he a babysitter before daddy married mom - ur stepmom? Anyway, the three of us were very close, because we only had each other.

That’s when high school happened. Obviously Nick was the first to start high school, he tried out for the football team and got in. Pretty soon all his time was taken up between his friends and football practice, not to mention partying. There have been one too many times when I have stayed up late waiting for him to get home. Yeah, I slept with him even back then.” A small smile made it’s way as I remembered all the pillow fights, late night talks and all other kind of stupid things the three of us would get into.

Yes three of us, since all three of us never slept in out own rooms but in the living room.

“Actually, all three of us used to sleep in the living room. Every night was a sleepover, with just the three of us goofing around” I added, not even concious of the words comeing out of my mouth. A laugh left my looks as I said ‘goofing around’. “Anyway, by the time Tania had to go to highschool, things between us werent as the used to be.

Once Nick started hanging out with his friends and started partying, we stopped sleeping in the living room. Tania was pissed at him and used to say ‘if he can’t even bother, why should we?’ A fair question, but this seperated that bond we shared. I still remember being torn in half having to choose between Nick and Tania.

At the time, it was to cupped between someone I hangout often with or someone who ditghed us for his friends. It was literally impossible to choose between two people I loved dearly. So I pretended to sleep for tanias sake but would be up for hours till Nick got home. There have been time when I stay up all night but Nick never comes home.

Things only went from bad to worse when Tania too started high school. Tania figuered out the prospects of make-up and cheerleading. Don’t get me wrong, I still knew all of Nick’s friends and would often hang other with them, as with Tanias.

I literally had friends way before I even started high school. It was around that time that Mark became a highlight in my life. You see, I always knew Mark liked me. But I never payed much attention to him since whenever I was with him Nick and the rest of jocks will be there as well. They’d joked around about his crush on me. I never took it seriously, thinking they were only just joking around.

I got together with Mark before I even started high school. That’s because, unlike Tania, Nick would take me out with him, since he knew I was at home alone. Sure dad had married mom by then, and we were close. But Dustin was small and she had him to look after, she didnt need the extra load.

After being surrounded by Nick’s and Tania’s affection for so long, I felt lost and lonely. I’d put up a smile in my face, but I’d be crying inside. Mark seemed like the only one to notice. There was no one to tell me not to out with him. So one thing led to another and he asked me out and I said yes.

Here’s what hurts the most. He was always there for me. A shoulder to cry on and then to make me laugh so hard that I’d forget why I was crying in the first place. He could hear me rant for hours to come without getting bored. He was my first kiss, first boyfriend, first crush, first love. Without knowing it myself, he became my whole world.

Freshman year was perfect. Tania urged me to join chereleading with her and I got to hang out with Mark, Nick and Tania all at once in school - mostly at lunch.

I have no idea what went wrong, but he went ahead and changed the words. We were almost through sophmore years. He had already graduated, but we still met each other every day, because he was taking an year off before he went to collage.

I’m not sure what happened to him suddenly, there was no warning, nothing. He was the same as always that last few days. He never ignored my calls, if he doesn’t answer immediately, he’d make sure to call back. He never ditched me for anyone, he was always on time for dates and sometimes even early.

I have no clue to this day what went wrong. It happened so suddenly. He broke up with me out of the blue and I’m not even exagerating. Even Nick doesn’t know what happened. Like breaking up wasn’t enough pain he just had to go ahead and tell that I had only been a good time pass and he didn’t even like me all that much.”

Cameron sucked in a sharp breath that made me look at him startled.

He was staring at me wide-eyed, horrified.

Until that point I hadn’t noticed that it was pouring and the two of us were soaking wet. By now only the two of us were left in the beach.

“Icant believe this. What kind of idiot is that Mark guy?” He demanded near me, which made me jump. He didn’t wait for an answer as he went on “who in there right mind would just walk away - freely - from someone like you? Are you sure he was in his right mind when he broke up with you?” The last part he asked me more softly.

“Obviously he was, or we still wouldn’t be broken up now, would we. I wouldn’t be sitting here crying like a pathetic little loser just because I saw him” I hicupped as even more tears streaked down my face along with the rain and my body wreckes as sobs broke free and I was crying all over again.

Telling him that brought bad all the painful memories after our break up.

Nick had punched the guy for what he said to me than for the fact that he broke up with me. I don’t know the whole story - what happened between Mark and my brother - but I know he told something to him, that Nick’s not telling me

Felt Cameron wrap his arm around me and I turned around, burying my face in his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his neck. Pulling my self closer to him, which made me to stradle his lap. I didn’t realised how hard I was trembleing until Cameron’s still body was pressed against my own.

Cameron’s arm which wasn’t around my shoulder went under my knee, and he easily lifted me up in his arms, bridal style. Then he hugged me close when I winced when it thundered really loudly, taking me back to his car, which was dripping wet.

I didn’t look up to see the status of my hardly done paint job to the car. I merely stayed buried in Cameron’s scent, crying into his shoulder. It wasn’t until he eased me down to the passenger seat I let him pull away, letting my tight hold on his t-shirt go.

He pulled the seatbelt over me and closer the door shut, before he ran around to the drives side and got in. I just curled myslef to a ball, bringing my knee upto my chest, and leand against the door, looking out the window yet not looking at anything at the same time.

When he pulled the car carefully from the parking space - not that there were any cars left on the parking lot - I looked up at him and muttered ‘Cameron’ in a broken voice.

He looked at me briefly before turning back to the road. ‘Hmm’ he hummed, a clear sign telling me to ask whatever I needed.

“Can we not go to your place?” I asked him, making him look at me sharply. Good thing there weren’t many cars left on the road. “It’s just that I don’t want to face Nick yet. He’d understand somethings wrong as soon as he sees me and then he’d want to go home, art gallery or no not... to protect me, but I don’t want their vacation taken away because of this. It isn’t like I’d see Mark again right?”

Cameron sighed as he averted his eyes back to the road. He nodded his head, reaching out and ruffling my hair at the same time. He took a u-turn and headed back the way we came.

The rest of the ride was silent as i curled myself back into my previpous position. It wasnt long before my eyelids fluttered close and sleep started taking me over.

I was half asleep, when I felt an arm go around my shoulder and another under my knee, before I felt myself being lifted up. I was being craddled against a warm body and I cuddled upto it seeking it’s warmth. I didn’t freak out for two reasons. One, I was too far gone and still half-asleep to really work up. Two, I knee it was Cameron by the smell of his perfume surrounding me.

It wasn’t until I heard the ding of an elevator the my common sence kicked in and I groogily opened my eyes. The first thing my eyes when they opened were a pair of mesmerizing bottle green eyes. We both stared at each other for awhile, before I broke eye contact by looking around me, a bit more alert.

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” He questioned me, craddling me gently in his arms. A look of sympathy and hurt - not for himself, but for me - in his eyes.

I shook my head as I shifted my wieght on is arm feeling a bit uncomfortable at being carried. It is comfortable in his arms, I was feeling uncomfortable at being carried.

I guess he felt it too since he set me back down on my feet. Just as he did, the elevator dinged to a stop. Taking my hand, Cameron led me out of the elevator and down the corridor, before stopping infront of a wooden door.

Pulling out a card he pulled it through the card slot and the door opened up to a staircase. He left me upstairs into a dark room. His hand let go of my hand as he searched for the light switch and turned on the lights of the suite to which he had brought me to.

“We can spend the night here, until you’re ready to face Nicolas.” Cameron said as he went inside, motioning me to follow him.

I was still too disoriented with sleep so I just shrugged my shoulder in responce.

“Let’s get you a warm bath ready before you catch a cold.” He went on cheerily, not minding my lack of a reply. “You stay right here I’ll get your bath ready” he added to me before he disappeared into a room.

With nothing to do I looked around the living room. It wasn’t long before Cameron came back out with a bathrobe in his hand. “Here ya go” he said handing the bathrobe to me and showing me to the en suite. Smilling my thankx at him, I went in and soaked in the vanilla smelling bath Cameron filled up for me in the jacuzzi bath tub.

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