I was standing under the bus stop, waiting for Mark - where I told him I’ll meet him, for our date. It was a bright afternoon. There was no sign about the disastrous day it’ll turn out.
A silver porshe pulled up in front of me and I barely paid any attention to it. At least, until the drivers side door opened and Mark got out the car. My mouth was literally hanging open as he smartly made his way over to me. “Hey baby” he said as his arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me to him.
I was barely paying attention to him as his car had my sole attention. I think he got it too, when he lent down and kissed me and I didn’t kiss back.
“Should I be offended that my girl think’s my car is more hotter than me?” He asked me teasingly. Giggling I whacked his arm playfully.
“Truthfully though, is it really yours?′ I asked him as he let go of me and I walked over to his car.
“Yep, all mine. I got it just yesterday. I don’t even have to ask as you clearly love it” he said arrogantly, puffing out his chest with pride. I merely rolled my eyes at his arrogant-ness. I knew he was only trying to annoy me. “Well my fair lady, shall we?” He asked, opening the passenger side door and bowing all gentlemanly.
“Why thankyou kind sir” I courtesied giggling and took his out streached hand before I got in. He closed the door after me and walked around and got in behind the wheel.
It was night and me and Mark were standing on the porch of my house, back in australia.
“Sydney... I think it’s time we ended our relationship. So far, it’s gotten nowhere” he told me, lightly trailing the hand he had in my shoulder down to my wrist. A trail of goosebumps followed his fingers, but I was in too much shock to care.
“What - do you mean Mark?” I asked, my voice stuttering as I got what Mark was telling me.
Closing his eyes, Mark took in a deep breath. A pained expression on his eyes when he opened them again. But he quickly masked it with a blank look - which made me wonder if I had hallucinated it.
“Darling, I think it’s time that I came out with the truth. I don’t really love you Sydney. I never did nor will I ever. You were merely just an attraction. A way to pass time in high school. Not to mention you so easily fell for all my little tricks. Thought I was your perfect prince on a white horse. I’ll accept, spending time with you used to be fun - entertaining even, but the thing is. I’m not in high school any more and I want things that you aren’t exactly willing to give. I’m sorry Sydney, but we’re done” he said, even went as far as patting my head - like I was nothing more than an annoying pet that he was getting rid of.
With that said - and done - he swiftly turned away and walked back to his car - the very same porsche I had been cooing over just that morning - leaving me standing there staring after him in shock and disbeliefe.
I jerked awake with tears rolling down my cheeks. I felt warm and my back was against a hard chest, with two strong arms trapping me to him. I blinked to get my blury vision clear and looked around.
I was clearly in a posh looking suite. The was a huge wardrobe and a bed even bigger than my bed at Cameron’s place - in California. Before I could start panicing about my where abouts and who I was with, last night came back to me.
It looked like both me and Cameron had fallen asleep in the window seat, by the gigantic window in Cameron’s room - in the hotel he took me to. Our half drunk, hot chocolate mugs sat forgotten as they were on the window sill.
I carefully sat up, making sure that I don’t wake Cameron up. My head felt heavy and my eyes burned every time I blinked. What more could i have expected? After all, I had cried myself to sleep last night.
I looked back to Cameron as he slept on peacefully. He only shifted when I moved away, but then went on sleeping. I knew i couldn’t go back to sleep after that nightmare, so I carefully got out of Cameron’s hold and went finding for the kitchen.
I found the kitchen before I could turn on any of he lights, and I didn’t bother to, as I rumaged through the cupboards for a glass. Finding one, I filled it with water and was just about to drink when I felt a stabbed of pain shooting up my left arm. I braced myself aginst the counter, gritting my teeth - I didn’t want to about and wake Cameron.
Before I had a chance to keep the glass down on the counter, pain shot up my arm again and the glass in my hand dropped to the floor, shattering into thousands of tiny shards, the water in the glass splashing all around my feet.
If it had been any other time, I would have tried to get the picture into my memory for a painting or sketch. But right then all could think about was the pain shooting up my arm and gradually incresing.
Clutching my left arm tightly I knelt right where I was standing and fumbled around for a big enough glass shard. As soon as I found one shard big enough, I closer my eyes tightly and cleanly sliced the flesh on my wrist in half. Blood gushed out instantly, I could feel it running down my arm and probably soaking the white bathrobe in blood.
I should’ve thought of that earlier. Like, before I cut my hand.
Than again, if I could’ve thought straight I wouldn’t have cut my hand at all. It was the only way - currently - that I could’ve stopped the pain in my arm from spreading through the rest of my body like a wildfire. Just to clear any doubts, I’m not self-destructive. I’m not harming myself because of Mark. I didn’t have my medicine on me at the time so I went to the second best option, let out the infected blood.
I sat straight, leaning my back against the counter, keeping my eyes sealed shut. The sight of my blood would make me feel nauseas and dizzy.
I was feeling too out of it to actually get up and try to stop the flow of blood. It had been such a long and tireing day and I wasn’t upto braving myself and facing all the blood on me.
Sitting there in the silence, with more than enough time to think, my mind wondered off back to the reason I woke up. I still remember that day like today.
It took a while for me to register all that he had told me before he briskly walked away without a care about what he had done. Once it had though, I had sat exactly where I was standing and broke down crying. It was Nick who found me there in the very state Nick had left me in. Heartbroken and a wreak.
Nick had sat there with me until I had calmed down and broken down all over again until I fell asleep on him, right there on the porch. It was when Nick carried me inside that mom and Tania - who also had been home early - knew that I had been home all along, but I was unconcious to explain myself.
That’s the second time I had gotten an attack so bad that I had to have been admitted to the hospital. It had been there - when I was lucid enough - that I spilled everything to Nick - in a crying mess.
Obviously, remembering that made me breakdown all over. All these memories that I had pushed back to the darkest corner of my mind, toppling over each other and drowning me in there hurt, pain and heartbreak. This is the reason I hated the dark - and being alone. Being alone made me think and thinking reminded me of unwanted memories.
Sniffling, I brought my leg up to my chest and wrapping my hands around my thighs, I buried my face on my knees.
I’m not sure for how long exactly I sat there crying, when I distinctly heard Cameron’s voice call for me. I was too disoriented with blood-loss and sleepiness to realise that I should answer him. I ignored his yelling and sat as I was, continueing crying.
Suddenly the kitchen lights flicked on and I shrunk back by the sudden brightness.
“SYDNEY!” Cameron exclaimed horrifiedly at the same time I felt two gentle hands on my shoulder.
I lifted my head to look at him through, door, groogy and blurry eyes. I knew I wouldn’t remember any of this tommorrow.
Cameron’s eyes were wide, with a horrified look as he gazed down at me, but there was more concern in those bottle green orbs as equal to the horror in them. “Oh! Sydney, why are you hurting yourself for someone who doesn’t even deserve it?” He asked me in a whisper, but he seemed to be telling it to himself than to me.
I just continued to stare vlankly up at him. His words not really registering in my brain. Truth be told I really wasn’t sure what he was talking about, like at all.
Closing his eyes, Cameron took a deep breath and tucked my hair behind my ear, being sure that his touch was soft and gentle. Then he stood up, pulling me up with him. Once we were both standing, he bent down and swept my feet from under my, carrying me, bridal style.
He started back out of the kitchen, but I tugged on his sleeve and croaked ‘water’.
Sighing, he gently sat me on the counter next to the sink and rummaged through the cupboards for a glass, before filling it with water and handing it to me. I was so parched, that I greedily gluped everything down.
I set the glass back down on the table once it was empty and looked up at Cameron. He was standing right in front of me, frowning at my hand. After I set my glass on the counter and looked up at him he grabed my hand - which made me hiss - and flipped it over, seeing the gash, that still had blood gushing out.
Cameron sucked in a deep, harsh bretah through his teeth when he saw my hand and his eyes became hard.
“Damn it Sydney! What the hell were you thinking? How stupid could you really be? Is he really... worth ... all this...” he snapped at me, but trailed off when he looked up at me.
His face softened as a pained expression replaced his anger. Sighing he stepped closer, standing inbetween my legs. He cupped my cheeks with his free hand, not letting go of my cut wrist. “Where else did you cut yourself?” He asked me so softly, I was easily miss-able.
I just sat there, leaning against his soft touch and blinking up at him.
Sighing again, he let go of my hand and lifted me up bridal style. He carried me out of the kitchen and gently eased me down on the couch. “Stay right here” he told me sternly and gently pressed down on my shoulder to emaphasis his point. I cocked my head, but didn’t say anything. I wasthat out of it. I felt like I couldn’t make sence of his words and I was feeling too dizzy to care.
He was soon back with a bowl and a wash cloth.
He sat down beside me, setting the bowl on he coffee table. Gently taking my hand without a word, he started wiping off the blood, dipping the cloth in tell water. As soon as he was done with my wrist, he bandaged my wrist with gauze and plaster, but left my palm - which the glass had cut when I was fumbling aroung for a big enough piece to cut my hand with - and fingers alone.
Once he was done with my hand, he checked the rest of me for any more cuts, but only found smudges of blood on my leg - which he cleaned.
“There all done” he told me with a soft smile, ruffling my hair. “Let’s get you changed into something else shall we? You didn’t want to sleep with all that blood on you right?” He said and helped me up to my feet before steering me back to his room.
Leaving me standing there he rummaged through his cupboard for a t-shirt and sweatpants. Then he pointed me to the bathroom to go change.
When I stepped back out of the bathroom, Cameron was sitting onnhis bed gazing out the window, seemingly lost in deep thought. That’s why he was startled when I ggot into bed and cuddled up with him.
I looked at him when he jumped when I touched him.
“Alright, you get some sleep, I’ll be in -” he started to say, getting out of bed, tucking me in, but stopped short when I let out a protesting moan and tightened my hold on him. “Do you want me to stay?” He asked puzzeled and I nodded my head.
Smilling, he slipped back under the duvet. “Alright then” he said, wrapping his arms around me and tucking me to his side. “Now sleep” he ordered softly and I was only too happy to comply.