Heal My Heart

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Chapter 28

I was having a crappy day at School, the next day. I was doing everything I possibly could to whole meeting Cameron. Carly - even though she diagreed with me - helped me to with avoiding Cameron a lot too. Course the fact that he’s a senior and I’m a junior helped, since we didn’t share any classes.

I even went as far as to skip lunch to avoid him. Carly skipoed lunch with me, even though I asked her not to and I did feel bad about leaving Stacey in the dark about this whole thing, but I wasn’t comfortable telling anyone what happened last night.

I mean, sure, I told Carly about it, but that’s as far as I was going to tell anyone.

I still wasn’t convinced that he had been sober when he confessed to being in love with me - which I’m still having mixed feelings about. I was still hung up on Mark - I hated that I still loved him, but I loved him none-the-less and didn’t know what to do about it. Can I really string aloing Cameron when I didn’t even return his feelings? That seemed very much like a thing Mark would do and I don’t fall as lowly as Mark.

I did like Cameron, but in that way? I’m not so sure. I’m sure that I boy see him as a good friend and nothing more. Besides I don’t thing I’m ready to fall in love with anyone yet. I know is been more than an year since my break-up with Mark, but it hadn’t stopped hurting any less. Thinking about him still made me to tear up and want to cry. I couldn’t use Cameron as a rebound, not if he waas truely serious.

Then thereis that other problem. He was drunk when he confesed it and I’m going over this very unnecessarily. I Should stop worrying about all this - and avoiding him - and just pretend anything didn’t hapoen with us last night.

But what if he had been sober? Then what?

“Sydney, stop mulling over and over and over this. Just talk it out with him and get it over with” Carly’s voice broke me out of my review for who know which amount of time.

“I know Carly, I know. I shouldn’t think somuch about it, but I’m seriously worried” I murmured ball, hanging my head and concerntrating in the time pattern as I walked.

Suddenly, Carly gasped and muttered, “oh boy.” I looked up at her quizically, but she wasn’t looking at me. She was looking at something ahead of us. I followed her gaze and gasped myself. Cameron was leaning casually against my locker, obviously waiting for me. Thank god that me and Carly were a little bit late to reach our lockers and the hallway wasn’t already that crowded. And since he had already seen us, it was too late to duck away and wait for him to go away.

Giving Carly a worried glance, we approached him - and our lockers.

“Hey Cameron!” I greeted, plastering a smile on my face, waving at him.

“Sydney” he greeted back happily - a little too happily, and was it just me or was there truely a hint of reliefe in his voice? “Carly” he acknowledged with a nod of his head, not looking all that happy to see heras he was to see me.

I pushed him away from my locker and opened it. “Did you want something?” I asked, dumping my books in my locker and shuffling around papers searching for my science books. Cameron didn’t usually find me out when we are in school, so his being here meant that he wanted something.

“No really, I just came to pass on a message to you” he said with a shrug, casually leaning against the locker next to mine. I glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. “Your brother asked me to give you a ride home this morning. I agreed, but I forgot that I had football practice today.” He went on making me freeze over at having to spend a Twenty miniute car ride with him. Alone. Oh god! Please help me.

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t answer right away. I also missed Carly’s and Cameron’s bickering. I went like this:

Carly - don’t you have practice evryday after school?

Cameron - yes but today practice is going to drag on late. What with the state championshipmatches coming up and all.

Carly - so what, you can’t make it or something?

Cameron (looking pretty surprised) - what? No! Just change of plans.

Carly raised an eyebrow, a sign to eloborate further.

Cameron - I was hoping she’d come to football practice and than I’ll give her a ride home after practice. (Then turning to me) What do you say Sydney, you up for it?

I was so lost in my own thoughts that he had to call me again before I responded. “Huh?” I breathed, unfreezing and blinking up at him uncertainly.

He gave me a curious look, but repeated his question. “I asked if you want to come watch football practice? I’ll give you a ride home.” He asked slowly, almost like he was afraid of my answer.

“Watch you and you thugs chase a ball, really inviting” Carly muttered into her locker, but loud enough that both of us could her her.

I shot Carly an exaggerated look and she smiled before closing her locker and looking at me with an raised eyebrow. Rolling my eyes at her, I turned my attenion back to Cameron, bitting my lip, not sure how to break to him that I’d rather not go with him.

“No offence, Cameron, but I really can’t go with you” I said slowly, apologetically. “It’s just that I can’t stay after school. I have to go to the flower shop today to relieve mom to go to her babysitting job.” I shot him a ‘what can I do?’ look, turning back to my locker and finaly spotting my science book. I wasn’t even lying or making excuses to not go with him, I was being utterly honest. I really couldn’t stay after school.

“Oh,” he muttered looking thoughtful. “So you weren’t avoiding me or anything?” He suddenly asked, his piercing bottle green eyes boring into me, like he could read me if he stared at me long enough.

“Ur - it’s not like that exactly...” I trailed off, unsure how to tell what happened last night without out right saying it - in case he really didn’t remember, which I’m hoping he wouldn’t. I shot Carly, who was watching the two of us, a pleading look. Thankfully she understood. With a curtains nod, she walked away in the direction of her next class, leaving me alone with Cameron.

“Is this about what happened last night?” Cameron demanded, like he had suddenly remembered it.

I looked up at him sharply. Did this mean he remembered what happened last night? Was he really as sober as he stated? Oh God! This is going to be worser than I thought. Please, please, please don’t let him remember his confesstion last night.

He huffed when I looked at him. “Don’t pretend you have no idea what I’m talking about as I know you don’t drink and you were completely sober when I -” he cut off, looking around us. Good thing too as everyone while passed us looked our way, some girls even had come to a complete stop and was out right oogling at us.

“Sydney,” he whispered, leaning closer so that only he and I could hear our conversation. I leanes back against my locker, trappes between him and my locker. His hand was agianst the lockr, next to my head, supporting his weight. When I moved, my hair rubbed on his arm, but we both ignored this.

“Sydeny, look here” he murmured gently when I dropped my gaze to the ground. He hooked his index finger under my chin, holding my dying with his thumb and tilted my head up, so I was looking at him. His green eyes bore into mine with such intensity I had a hard time looking into them, but when I did look, I was so caught up by their bright color, I couldn’t look away. Trapped in those intense green eyes, it was a feat to breath.

His voice fanned across my face as he whispered my name for a third time. A breathless whisper that sent my heart racing and my cheeks to heat up. I was afraid of what was going to follow, but I can not deny the effect he had on me. It was thrilling and horrifying at the same time.

Horrifying, because I was scared out of my mind that he could have such an effect on me. After everything with Mark, I promised myself that I wouldn’t give all of myself to another person ever again. Me reacting to Cameron, reminded me - painfully - of what I had shared with Mark. And of how much it hurt - that it still hurts - to even think of him.

I know I’m broken. Broken beyond repair. And I don’t think this wound would ever heal.

“I wasn’t drunk last night when I confessed to you, like you seem to be thinking. I know that I love you Sydney, with my whole heart. You really are the most amazing, wonderful, charming girl I ever had the pleasure of meeting and -”

I tentatively placed my fingers on his lips - cutting him off. My throat was clogged up and I could feel tears building up in my eyes. Blinking I willed them away.

“P-please don’t.” My voice was thick with tears, wavering and broke as I talked.

Cameron looked hurt. Devasted and torn on half. I hated myself for doing this, for putting that expression there on his face. What hurt worse is knowing that theremwqas something i could ndo to make it right, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t benlike Mark. Play with someone elses feeling, whether they be there or not.

I knew Cameron meant what he said - or he seriously believed in it. It was written all over that sincerity in his eyes as he confessed to me. I knew Cameron enough to be angle to read his expressions and I knew he wasnt playing with me - not like he played with all those other girls. This wasn’t a bet he was trying to win. He was serious when he confwssed and truely believed him to be him love with me.

Pressing my lie together and closing my eyes - to stop my tears from spilling - I ducked under his hand, walking away.

I could see students looking at me curiously as I passed them, I kept my head down and continued like I couldn’t see them. This is just what I needed, rumours spreading about me and Cameron. Like I wasn’t this close to crying for my own rejection.

Carly was waiting for me around the corner. She looked at me wide-eyed as soon as she saw me, I could only guess how miserablr I looked on the outside. She quickly composed her self, a look of concern replacing her wide-eyed look. I shook my head, unable to tell anything - I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold on to my tears if I so much as opened my mouth.

“Come on darling, let’s go” she said, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and leading me into the washroom before I could start crying in the hallway.

The late bell had long since rung, when I was talking to Cameron, therefore the washroom was empty. The moment she closer the door behind us, I let go, my dam breaking lie and tears trailed down my face.

We were both surel skipping class - I coukdnt even bring myself to tell Carly to go ahead to class because I really needed her right now. She was the only rock I had while we are in school, and I was so disoriented, I could no longer tell right from wrong.

For the first half of the period, we stayed in the washroom, Carly soothing me, while I cried my tears dry. After Carly had soothes me enough that I was crying so hard any more, I told her what happened after she left, between hicups and sniffs.

We just sat there the rest of the period, chatting and Carly coating my face with make up so I wouldn’t look I had been crying all this time.

Finally the bell rang, signalling the end of school and it was time for us to leave the cxonfinea of the washroom. We had to leave because girls streamed into the washroom, to make their hairs and add a coat of lipgloss or whatever, before they went out to meet their boyfriends - or out in geneal.

The worst part was, everyone had gotten a window of what happened before last period and whispers and glare followed me all around school - we had to go back to our lockers to did of our books and get our bags. I kept my head down, letting my hair lose so it covered my face and tried to pretend anything wasn’t wrong. That this was just another day in school.

“Carly” I whispered, not wanting to call attention to us. She looked over at me with an raised eyebrow. “Cameron said Nick asked him to pick me up, I forgot to ask nick whether this was true.” We had got out to the parking lot, that’s why I had suddenly remembered this.

“So ask Nick” she said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which I guess was obvious, but I had left my phone at home today morning, too worried about facing Cameron.

“Um, Car, I kinda forgot to bring my phone with me to school today” I muttered, looking up at her sheepishly, scratching the back of my head.

She burst out laughing at my look and muttered something that sounded strangely like ‘only you’, and dug in her bag for her phone.

“OMG! What is this I’m hearing about Cam Striker missing you!?” Stacey shrieked as she ran over to us, plowing into me as she skidded to a halt.

I felt my rash flush of color, looking at her with wide, horrified eyes. “W-what!?” I asked her incredulously, taking in a deep breath to calm down my frantically beating heart. Today was so not my day, and all this hearing was surely not good for my heart.

“I heard Dalcy saying to Mellisa that she heard from, Cathy, who heard from Nory, who saw you kissing Cam Striker!” Stacey exclaimed, making many people to stare at us. “Is this true, if so how come I’m hearing this from everyone but not from the person who I should be hearing it from?” Stacey demanded, crossing her hands over her chest and glaring daggers at me.

“Stacey, calm down. I’m sure this is all just a misunderstanding. Don’t you think Sydney would tell you if she’s going out with someone, much less Cam Striker?” Richard said as he reached us, wrapping his arm around Stacey’s shoulder soothingly, shooting me an apologetical look.

I smiked at him gratefully. Glad that someone was on my side, glad that he decided to get the facts straight before he judged me. I was glad to have a friend like Richard, and he was good for Stacey. He knew best how to handle her.

“Yeah, Stace, don’t jump to conclussions like that.” I an agreed with his best friend as he joined us with Richard.

I gave him greatful smile too.

“Thankx guys, for having faith.” I said, reaching out and giving Ian’s hand a gentle squeeze. “No Stace, I didn’t kiss Cameron, in fact it is far from the truth. I’ll tell everything to you guys, but not here. Want to come over to my place for a sleepover?” I asked, scrolling throught Carly’s contacts, searching for Nick’s number, even though I already know it by heart.

“Tonight?” Stacey questioned looking up at Richard for a cinfirmation - he and Ian were invited too. We were all friends, besides mom didn’t have a problem with me inviting them for ansleepove as long as we stayed out of my room.

“Sure, baby. Anything you want.” Richard agreed, wrapping his arms around her and pecking her on the lips. She smiled goofily up at him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

I turned to Ian with a questioining look.

He shrugged his shoulder. “Sure, it’s not like I had any precious engagements” he said with a smile, turning away from the couple, red in the face.

Nodding my head, I pressed the call bitting - I had found Nick’s number by the time Ian agreed to come too.

I walked a few feet away from my friends, not wanting everyone to hear this part of my conversation with Nick. I’m not sure how much im wiloing to reveal just yet, so until I figure it out I’m going to have to keep things with Cameron a secret.

Nick answered after the fourth ring, worried that something had happened to me at school because why else would Carly call him? Assuring him that I was fine, I asked him about what Cameron had told me earlier today.

“Oh yeah! I did ask him to drop you home after school. I already sent a message to you about it, and called at least ten times during lunch hour. What the hell were you doing without answering your phone?” He demanded, sounding grouchy and impatient.

“I left my phone at home, I forgot to bring it to school with me” I replied, pouting at the phone. “But why did you have to ask Cameron to drop me home? I very well could ask for a ride with Ian or Richard too you know?” I asked, sounding a bit more annoyes than I wanted to sound.

He sighed on the other end of the line. “Sydney, you need to understand darling. I’m doing a job now, all these days I’ve been coming to pick you after school during my tea time, but how long can I do that? I wanted some one I can trust to make sure you got home safely. Look, no offence to your friends, but I’d rather cameron drop you at home or at work than them.” He told me, explaining as calmly as if he was explaining to amlittle child. Story least he was honest with me than lie about not being able to pick me up.

I looked at the ground, tears fogging my vision. I didn’t tell anything in reply to Nick. What could I have said anyway?

“Did something happen with Cameron?” Nick asked softly when I didn’t say anything. “Did you get into another fight with him? I thought you guys were friends now?” He questioned, sounding puzzled.

That’s right, last night he had been too drunk for me to tell him what happened and today morning he had been hungover and grouchy, with me getting ready to go to school and all, I hadn’t gotten a chance to tell him anything. Not even a little.

“Long story Nick,” I said in a thick voice, because my throat felt tight. I was closing my eyes tightly, to hold my tears at bay. I can’t start crying again, not this close to getting away from school and prying eyes. I won’t give them something else to spread more rumours about, something more to laugh at me for.

“Okay, you’ll tell me when I get home?” He asked sounding worried. He must be able to tell that I’m close to crying, he knew me well enough to know my tones of voice and how I talk when I want to cry.

I nodded my head, then remembered he couldn’t see me so I muttered a strutterinbg ‘yes’. Then I hung up with him, after telling him that I was walking to the shop with Carly.

Taking a deep breath and blinking away my tears, I turned back to my friends with a small smile - thats all I could muster.

“Alright guys, I’m having everything ready for tonight, be at my place by eight, ’kay?” I asked, joining into their conversation.

Once everyone agreed, me and Carly told out goodbyes to them and started walking towards our respective work places - me to the flower shop and her to grannys let shop, the shops were two blocks away from each other.

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