The alphas pet - chapter 19
I think I'm losing it.
The look the alpha gave me made my heart flutter and I couldn't understand the tingling in my stomach area, it was the same as before when I woke up only to see him standing in the doorway shirtless. He has no shirt on now, was that the reason? It had to be, but I still couldn't wrap my head around what I was feeling. Perhaps I am losing my mind.
Axton watched me for a moment before tearing his eyes away from me and walking over to his closet. "Undress evony."
I snapped out of my daze to look at him horrified. Was he going to use me like I thought he would before? Now that im healed and awake? My heart started to race as I began to panic, my breathing became erratic and uneven as thoughts of what he would do to me ran through my mind. I gripped onto the bedsheets for dear life.
As he walked out of the closet holding one of his shirts he noticed my reaction and quickly made his way over to me. Scooting back away from him, I backed up into the headboard, he rounded the corner of the bed and reached for me as I started to hyperventilate. I shrieked and struggled uselessly when he grabbed my arms.
"Evony! Calm down!" His voice was strict but also noted that he was worried. But those details were lost to me, all I could think was to get away from him. I even tried to beg this time. "Please don't! I won't disobey you again! Please!!" At this point, I could feel tears streaming down my face.
"Evony! I'm not going to hurt you!" He pulled me against his chest halting my movements as I struggled to breathe, my body was shaking uncontrollably. "I'm not going to do anything to you, id never do that, please just calm down. Breathe." He spoke softly while rubbing my back with one hand and holding the back of my head with the other.
I slowly started to even out my breathing as the panic died down, he didnt move and waited for me to relax completely. Somehow him holding me was comforting instead of terrifying. It made no sense.
Calming down enough that only my heartbeat seemed out of place along with the slight shivering he pulled away holding me by my shoulders.
"I just wanted you to change into something more comfortable to sleep in, evony I know your scared of me but that's the last thing id ever do, do you understand?" He looked at me sternly.
I nodded, oddly enough a part of me truly believed him, despite how foolish it was, I should know better by now than to believe someone capable of hurting me, yet this man did strange things to me.
He looked over me making sure I wouldn't freak out again, I don't think my body could take a third panic attack today. He grabbed the t-shirt next to him and handed it to me.
"Change, you need to sleep, there's no arguing this is an order, understood?" I nodded again taking the cloth from him. He sighed and got up. He went over to the door and glanced back at me one last time before leaving.
I waited for a moment not moving so I could calm my racing heart. I was tired, I used up so much energy that I didnt even have left to spare. Stripping out of the shorts and hoodie I shivered as the cold air touched my skin. Reaching my hand around I lightly grazed my hand over my healed back, feeling each of the scars. I closed my eyes and shuddered before quickly slipping on the t-shirt. Why was he suddenly so caring? Was he trying to make me look better so he could give me away to someone? My father had tried that once, he left me alone for an entire month and treated me kindly, in the end, I found out it was just so he could get rid of me when I realized I confronted him and made him angry, he left a mark on me and when the person who I was promised to came, they turned down whatever offer he had for them. He was so angry, I felt his wrath for three days straight, that was when I was nine.
To tired to care I crawled under the covers of the bed and curled up on my side letting my eyes close. The only thing I knew that was for sure was nothing made sense anymore. So I must be crazy.
This boy sure does know how to get on my nerves.
"She deserves to know!" He slammed his fist on my desk.
"She can't." I looked up at him sitting in my office chair.
"Why the hell not?!" He growled. I give him credit he had guts.
Sighing I ran my hand down my face, why did everything have to be so complicated? Evony was awake now, which means I am no longer a raging werewolf mate who would bite anyone who dares to go near her, I already hurt enough people when I first found out she was hurt, luckily no one was killed. And it was all my fault as well, I neglected her in my time of frustration, with so much pressure on me trying to get the pack under control, I left her in that damn cell for three days, I didnt even think to tell someone to go give her food, blankets or a break to use the bathroom. So not only was she weak from starvation but her wounds were infected because of the poor conditions she was left in. I was swarmed with working on the pack and was having a hard time accepting the fact she was my mate, I didnt treat the matter with care resulting in her being left in a coma and me becoming unstable. I barely had any interaction with her and she still had such affects on me, this is not something to take lightly.
"I know she's frail and weak right now in both body and mind but I can't tell her she's my mate yet, he'll I thought she already knew. If word gets out about her being my mate or even the fact I found my mate she will have a target over her head, imagine if her father finds out. She's my weak point right now, I don't want to risk it."
Ethan growled and grit his teeth. "She deserves to know, you fucked up and hurt her she shouldn't be left in the dark on this! If she finds out your hiding this from her she may never forgive you!"
I groaned what he said was true, I owed her an explanation and apology but if tell her now she might not forgive me anyway, I can't let made find out about this either, it was hard enough explaining to the pack why I lost it, not to mention, in my unstable state I banished my own beta for something that we were both at fault for, he ended up taking all the blame for what happend and I feel terrible about it. I needed to wait for evony to recover, she needed to be stronger before I could tell her the truth. I'd be lying to say I wasn't scared to hurt her again. She panicked over me telling her to get changed for bed and it apparently wasn't the first time she thought I was going to rape her. The thought made me sick. I'd never intentionally hurt her. I'd rip out my own beating heart before it ever came to that, she means everything to me now and I can't risk her life.
"She isn't to be known as my mate," I spoke firmly as Ethan glared at me.
"Then what is she supposed to be known as?" He spoke sarcastically.
I sighed hating myself for this, but I had no choice, this is the only way.