”Would you just stop and talk to me.” Karl said as we got home. I just Ignored him, continuing taking off my heels, whilst wondering how I agreed to this humiliation, "I’m sorry, I don’t know how many times you want me to apologize.”
“You were a jerk tonight.”
”I know.” he replies.
“What was that... Jealousy.” I turned to him.
He exhales letting down his shoulders,
"I can't explain what that was...I guess I was conflicted, bothered about how Massey would react--”
“No..” I shot sharply, “Don’t do that, don’t make this about Massey, Just say it has it is, you were jealous, and that's just that, jealousy.”
He scoffed, "And, why would I be jealous of Jenna?”
"Perhaps it’s because she’s settled down, which is funny since you said you didn’t want to settle or get married again.” I said with my heart constricting.
He sighed, walking towards me. ”I didn’t mean it like that, Delilah.”
“Then it’s me you don’t want to settle with, I'm the problem here?”
”Why are we even arguing about this? It's way too early to be talking about this.”
”Because Karl, I don't want to be one of those women, the ones who sacrifice everything for a man and end up on the sideline or left behind like some piece of trash.”
He had a wife, a child...a family. It's selfish he would deny me the same. “You know sometimes, I feel like we are still having the affair, that this or what we have now is just one long lasting elicit affair, where all we do or have in common is sex and more sex. I feel like we are going to crash before we even start.”
Karl reaches and holds me by the shoulder, making me look at him, "Delilah, I have no intentions of leaving you, where’s this coming from?” he said.
”I also want kids Karl, a family, and most importantly I want the man I love to be on the same page with me.”
”We are on the same page.”
”It doesn't feel that way lately and the way you acted tonight proves everything, you are still holding onto the past, to what you had with Jenna and Massey in that house, you miss being a family with them, which is why you haven't gotten rid of your ring...” I paused, waiting for him to speak or say I was wrong.
”I was going to do that...” he doesn't object or deny and that shattered me.
”When? It’s been two years and you are still holding onto to it.... Clearly you are decisive.” I walked to the closet and pulled out a pillow and blanket, ”So until you figure out what you want with me, you would be sleeping on the couch.” I threw them at him, storming my way to the bathroom.
He knows better not to come after me in this mood.
I should pack up and end everything this instant but I don't...I didn't hear anything for a couple of minutes and then I heard the door getting slammed, reaching the bathroom sink, I leaned down and tried to breathe.
The next morning I got ready for work and stepped into the kitchen to see Karl peering out. He even made us breakfast. I was tempted to give in to it but I didn't...
”Morning...” he mumbled.
”Morning..” I reply, striding past him. I walk towards the drawers to grabbed some take out bags,
I picked one and scurried towards the fridge, where Karl was standing. I pause for him to step out of my way, when he does I opened the fridge and grabbed some snacks, the whole time sensing his eyes boring into me,
”I made you breakfast.” He muttered, stepping towards me, ”Can we talk-” he reaches and kisses my shoulder making me flutter,
”I’m late..” I pushed him away, “don't wait up.” I added and grabbing my things, I left for work.
I’m not trying to be melodramatic or anything.
I love Karl, I only want him to realize what he wants with me. I mean if he's fed up with us why won't he just tell me rather than shut me out? I would prefer to leave with a broken heart now than be tossed aside later.
I worked until midday before stopping by at Caleb’s.
”Maybe he’s scared..” Caleb said, and I looked up at him, ”Okay, just look at it from his point of view for a second, before you came into his life, he had a family, a wife and a daughter--”
”You're saying it's my fault.” I shot sharply.
”Let me finish..” He cut in, “let’s just say his life was tolerable before you came into the picture, now he's at a place where he's confused, and at the same time guarded with what you two have now, which is perfectly normal, it would be an issue if he wasn't.”
I groaned, running my hands through my hair, ”It’s been two years… Isn't that enough time to get past this? I feel like we would be stuck in this hole forever. Oh, you should have seen him last night when Jenna and Lorenzo announced they were getting married, he was so jealous.”
“Like I said it would be an issue if he wasn't, Jenna was his wife, they were married for a decade. So you don't expect him to be thrilled with the news.”
“I didn't ask him to leave his family..” I spurted and he threw me a skeptical look, ”I-I didn't...Wait, whose side are you on?”
”Yours always. I'm just trying to make you see things more clearly.”
”Well, it feels like I'm being attacked right now.” I shot back.
”Okay..I’m sorry, I would stop talking now. I'm making some pasta, are you hungry?” he asked and I gave a small nod, ”I’ll be right back.”
He left me alone with my thoughts.