Kissing her had been heaven and hell all rolled into one. It was like breathing again for the first time. It has been way too long since I tasted her lips and tounge on mine. My God how I have missed her. She will never know what strength it took to just walk away from her. But I had fucked up so badly and I have paid the price for that mistake everyday since. I never explained myself back then and no matter what happens now we can never go back. We have both lost way too much and I doubt that Gabby would ever understand or even be able to forgive me.
When she pressed herself up against me and kissed me the words spoken out of her mouth was like a gallon of frozen water had been poured over me. She thought I was Blake. Well why the hell shouldn't she, I was gone. No word, visit or card in almost five years. Why I never came back sooner, was a mystery to even myself. I don't know, call it guilt, for hurting her. Maybe it was because I couldn't forgive myself for what I had done to her, that maybe Gabby deserved a chance at real happiness. Happiness I couldn't give her because I had fucked up so badly.
All I could mutter was "Sorry my precious." She stiffened immediately in my arms, once the words left my lips. She probably has no idea why I am apologising. It could be for the false hope that I was not Blake, but I guess it would be for everything she knows, everything she has been through and I guess everything she doesn't know. Loosing my brother I guess most of all.
Blake was a good man, a much better man than me. He did promise me that he would take care of her and promised me that her love and happiness would be his top priority. He delivered on his promise now I must deliver on mine.
That last conversation I had with my brother before I left will forever be burnt into my subconscious. We promised each other to stand by Gabby no matter what when the time comes. It was a childish promise, one my brother kept. So now I must keep to mine, And the time has come. Letting her in will not be easy. I have pushed her away built this wall around my heart that only one person has ever penatrated.
Gabby is frozen solid in my arms when it finally dawns on her that I am not Blake but Chase. She steps back from me and before I even have time to process the emptiness in my arms she slaps me so hard the sound ricochets off the porch walls and my head is literally left spinning.
"What the fuck Chase" she spat at me. Her vulnerability gushing through in waves. The utter shock of what just happened must've been clearly visible on my face, as much as hers. This was not the reaction I was expecting. Fuck maybe it was the reaction I was expecting hell the kiss and embrace was more of a shock than the actual slap in my face.
She backed off from me further then ran towards the water edge. I just stood there watching her leave. I am so utterly conflicted right now. I have no idea whether I should follow her or whether I should just leave. She has grown into a magnificent beauty.
I stand there contemplating my next move. Running my hands through my hair, taking a step forward my body and mind I guess has decided to follow her. My heart is still playing catch up. I can't leave things as they are. Gabby deserves more than that so I walk over to where she is sitting in the sand.