Blake and I had been chatting for months. She was funny, intelligent and beautiful. The issue; she was over 3000 miles away. Every night we would catch up on how our day was and what our plans were for the rest of the week. I looked forward to talking to her. When I was having a bad day, she would pick me up and vice versa. A few weeks back Justin talked me into going to a bar with him little did I know he planned to meet one of his coworkers too, Nicole was fucking stunning and nice to be around, we went on a few dates and I started to like her.
The issue was I felt guilty cause I kept it from Blake. I started to like Blake but the distance would never work so I put my feelings for Blake on the back burner. I finally plucked up the courage to tell her, I said I had a date, then I had to fess up that I had been on a few. That night I told her replays in my mind, she was hurt and I felt like shit.
At that point, she distanced herself and I let her, Nicole and I became official. Deep down I missed Blake we had only been texting, I missed talking to her while she fell asleep. I missed hearing her laugh. Nicole was great, but she wasn’t Blake. I had to remind myself that Blake was only my friend. I spent more and more time with Nicole.
I have a free Saturday afternoon and I need to see her, I video call Blake and hope she is there.
“Hi Blake, Blake you there?” I wait I can’t see her but I can hear her. “Hi Mark, sorry just getting ready?” Hearing her voice gives me butterflies, I missed her voice so much. “Have I called at a bad time?” I finally see her face, I haven’t seen this side of Blake before she has her make-up and hair all done, she looks simply beautiful. “Actually yeah I am, sorry I am about to head out.”
I don’t know why, but I am really hoping she is going out with Charlie like she normally does, but my gut is telling me different.
“Oh, sorry, anywhere nice?” Blake doesn’t answer me instead I can hear a doorbell.
“I am sorry Mark can you give me two seconds.” Watching as she walks away, she is wearing a gorgeous black dress, she stops at her mirror and checks her appearance, I can vaguely hear the conversation, the voice is not a woman’s, this is not a girls’ night. I just watched Blake get ready for a date and I’m uneasy even more so when she walks back in with a bunch of flowers and the biggest smile on her face. “Mark, I can’t talk right now... I’m...” I ask her outright. “Are you going out on a date?”
My heart sinks in my tummy. The thought of her with another man is too much. Now I feel guilty I have a wonderful girlfriend and here I am jealous that Blake is going on a date. I clear my throat. “You look stunning.”
She gives me a small smile and as quick as this conversation starts; it ends. “Thank you, I will talk to you tomorrow, bye Mark.” I struggle to pull myself together and let her go, but as a good friend, I give her a slight smile.
She ends the call, and I throw my phone on the sofa. I can’t have feeling’s for two women, this is crazy. Blake is just my friend. Blake is thousands of miles away. So why do I feel jealous? Why is the thought of Blake out with a man fucking eating me up? The timing is all off, as soon as I date Nicole, Blake is out dating, we went months with it just being the two of us and Justin convinced me to date Nicole and now I have pushed Blake into the arms of another man.
Tomorrow came and went, then Sunday came and went I heard nothing from Blake. There was nothing on her social media but Charlie happened to put a few pictures up from Friday night, there it was some guy with his arms around her waist and they were both looking at each other smiling, I hated him already. Nicole was working all weekend, so I saw little of her causing me to stew even more with my feelings. Monday night I can’t take it anymore I video call Blake and she finally answers.
“Hi Mark, sorry I have been so busy.” My emotions are heightened.
“I thought you forgot about me?” Knowing I have no right to be this way, I don’t like this side of me. I was cheated on and I feel I am doing the same to Nicole. Finding myself emotionally attached to someone else. I can see her mouth open and close, thinking about what she should say.
“Yeah sorry I thought you would be busy with Nicole, I didn’t want to disturb you.”
“Bullshit, you have been avoiding me.”
I watch as Blake gets defensive. “Excuse me?” I just start to unravel.
“How was your date?”
Blake looks at me with her mouth open. “Yeah, it was great, he took me out Saturday and yesterday, he is a really nice guy.”
I was on a roll, apparently. “Did you fuck him?”
I see Blake’s face go red. “What did you just ask me?”
I was beyond jealous now. “I asked did you fuck him?”
Blake has a mixture of hurt and anger all over her face. “How is that any of your business? I don’t ask you about Nicole in that way.”
I scoff, “Yeah, wonder why that is?”
Blake snaps back at me. “What’s got into you!”
I can see the anger in her face, I have fucked this up big time and I can’t backtrack I have gone too far and I keep digging deeper. “You’re only dating him cause I’m with Nicole.”
Blake snatches her phone closer. “Fuck you, Mark, yeah Friday night I went out with him cause you and I are just friends, remember. You made your choice, why should I remain at your beck and call while you get cosy with Nicole and I have no one, as for the rest of the dates it had nothing to do about you. I actually like Curtis and yeah, I fucked him and it was great.”
Standing shocked at my behaviour, she’s right, what has got into me. I am lost for words, but there is no need for them as Blake rips me a new one.
“Tell you what Mark when you learn not to be a jealous asshole, let me know, you don’t get to have a girlfriend and expect me to be waiting around for you to fill in your spare time.”
The screen goes black, and I am left feeling like shit. I am supposed to be meeting Nicole tonight, but I call and cancel. Instead, I call the guys over for a much-needed poker night I need a distraction and I need to work out what the fuck I am playing at, blowing up at Blake was unexpected we went months talking every day and then we started talking less and now I have fucked it where I don’t know when she will talk to me next.
Scott looks at me. “You want to talk about it?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Talk about what?”
Marcus takes his turn. “That you called us for last-minute poker night, what girl did you piss off?”
Scott takes a sip of his beer. “There is only one girl that could cause this reaction. What did you do to Blake?” I lower my head, looking at my lap.
“I got jealous of her going on a date with another guy and then outright asked her did she fuck him?”
I can hear the boys wince and then Marcus’ voice. “Ouch! that was a dick move, considering you are Nicole.” I rub my hands through my hair “I know, I don’t know where it came from.”
Scott sets me down a new beer. “Look, I get it Blake means something to you. She helped you when you were in a really dark place. I think you just have your feelings a little muddled. Look, if Blake lived here, would things be different?”
I shake my head “Honestly I have no idea!”
Scott pats my back “Well then you can’t begrudge her moving on. You have Nicole to focus on, let Blake try to find someone. You are friends don’t lose that over muddled feelings.”
I look at both Marcus and Scott. “But what if my feelings are muddled cause I care too much, then what? I have feelings for two people for completely different reasons.”
Marcus looks up from his phone. “Mark, maybe taking a step away from Blake, will make you realise what’s in front of you. It’s not our business to tell you what to do, but just be careful as you are fucking with people’s emotions and I know I am a man whore but the women I get with no what the score is, I don’t lead people on.”
A few weeks later Blake and I still haven’t spoken, I feel like I have lost part of me. Nicole and I are still together, but we have both been busy with our jobs that we haven’t spent a lot of time together. Scott organises a guys’ night at his place. “Alright boys, I brought the good stuff.”
Marcus glared at me. “About time you got here”
I look around noticing we are missing someone. “Where’s Justin?”
Scott comes into the room with fresh beers. “Oh, he couldn’t make it tonight.” We have a few drinks and are watching some football as Marcus stands up. “I don’t know about you guys, but it’s too much of a sausage fest up here. How do you feel about hitting a club? I know just the spot.”
We grab a taxi and make our way into the club thanks to Marcus and his steady stream of connections; they escorted us straight into the VIP area upstairs; we order a drink and Marcus has already caught the eye of a woman. Scott and I are looking over the balcony onto the dance floor. Scott hits my arm.
“Hey, is that Justin?” I look around and there Justin is with his hands all over some brunette, his hands are everywhere and they kiss when they pull away I register who it is. “That son of a bitch!”
Scott tries to grab my arm, but I am gone before he has the chance, I walk around the dancefloor and find him; he doesn’t see me coming as I grab him, punching him hard in the face.
“You motherfucker... how long?” He is guarding his face while I keep hitting him, Marcus and Scott are trying to pull me off him. Justin stumbles to his feet. “It’s been you, you are the other guy?” Blake is helping Justin. When she finally looks at me, she is crying.
“You left me for him?”
Blake just nods her head. Everything is a blur, one of my best friends this entire time. How did I never see it, Not trusting myself, I walk out of the club leaving the aftermath in my wake.
Grabbing a taxi back to my place, I grab my phone; I need to talk to her; I need her.
“Please pick up” My body relaxes as I hear her soft voice.