“Miss Collins, what makes you qualified for this position? Why should I hire you over the other applicants that I’ve interviewed thus far?”
I fold my hands and sit up just a little straighter.
“Mr. Harding, I can assure you that you’re hiring the best for more than one reason. I currently hold Advanced levels of proficiency on the OPI exams in four different languages, I have interned at some of the best PR firms, and I graduated with two degrees in Sports Management and Public Relations. As you know, I have more knowledge regarding this sport than your average PR nightmare ‘fixer-upper.’ That alone makes me a more viable candidate than someone who only views this position as a means of offering a service. I’m prompt, professional, direct, and highly reliable. You can rest assured you would be hiring the very best.” I answer. I sit waiting. Trying to discern whether Kyle Harding, Anderson DeLower’s agent, likes me or not. However, his face is stone cold, and I decide that I am not going to get anything out of him just from his eyes.
“Well, Miss Collins I have to admit, the two Bachelors, and a Masters degree at UPenn as well as the glowing recommendations from your references are pretty hard to ignore. How would you like to be the official personal assistant to my client?”
I want to break out into the widest grin of my life and exhale in relief, but I maintain a calm professional demeanor and simply offer Mr. Harding a polite smile.
“I would love to, sir.”
He offers me an excited smile and he stands. I watch as he reaches behind him and pulls a thick packet of papers that I can only assume is a contract, from out of a small filing cabinet. He sets the contract down in front of me and I begin to read. There’s so many pages, there is no way that I'll be able to finish the entire thing in one day.
“Is there any way you would be able to start the day after tomorrow?” He asks me. I barely hear him because I’m currently considering having an attorney look over this before I sign it.
“Um. I would like to take this home and have a lawyer review it first and then I should be able to sign it by Monday, if that is alright with you.”
I barely see it. It flashes by his eyes for just a second, but I see it... That weary look that tells me he has something to hide and now I'm more eager than before to read this thing cover to cover.
“Of course, Miss Collins. Just keep an open mind. That is all I ask.”
“Don’t worry, I understand the urgency, I will get a move on this as soon as I leave this office.” I promise him.
You can bet your ass on it.
Mr. Harding stands and holds out his hand to me. “We hope to have you on board, Miss Collins. I look forward to hearing from you in the coming days. If you have any further negotiations please email me directly so that we can review the terms.”
“That sounds like a plan Mr. Harding.”
I shake his hand firmly and suddenly I can’t wait to get out of there so I can read this contract. There’s something in here he’s nervous about. I can sense it and whatever it is I’m going to find it.
I sit at my kitchen table with my reading glasses on, a glass of pinot in one hand, and a pen in the other. I’ve already sent a copy of my contract to my old college roommate, Lisa and she promised to review it for me in case I miss anything.
As I read, I recognize that the first twenty pages are pretty standard. PA must abide by certain codes of conduct, press rules... blah blah blah. However, when I get to the job description thinking that this part will be pretty straight forward as well, I am completely floored by what I read.
When I applied for the position originally, it was posted as a Personal Assistant for Anderson DeLower, wide receiver for the Atlanta Crusaders. However, as I delve deeper into the contract that defines my role, I realize quickly that I’m going to be doing quite a bit more than just forwarding calls and grabbing coffee.
“The personal assistant must remain present at all times for all practices, games, events, charity functions, and meetings. Failure to comply will result in disciplinary action or possibly, termination,” I read aloud to myself.
Jesus. This sounds like I’m getting paid to be this guy’s goddamn shadow. I basically have to follow him around twenty-four-seven? When am I supposed to sleep?
I continue to read and the further I get into the description, the worse it becomes.
In addition to the aforementioned duties listed in the job description of personal assistant for Anderson DeLower, extracurricular duties include but are not limited to, ensuring that Mr. DeLower abides by new rules and regulations determined by the owner, head coach, vice president of staff, and PR Manager; Using any means necessary to prevent rule infractions from occurring; If rule infractions do occur, enforcing disciplinary actions against Mr. DeLower-- and/or taking necessary measures at the discretion of the personal assistant. The personal assistant is also responsible for keeping all infractions from media sources including, but not limited to: News channels, blogs, social media accounts, fan sites, gossip magazines, articles, etc.
In addition to the aforementioned duties listed in the job description of personal assistant for Anderson DeLower, the following may be required of the PA: ensuring Mr. DeLower is punctual and present to practices, workouts, games, events, charity functions, media training and meetings, etc.; monitor the behavior, actions, and practices of Mr. DeLower. This includes but is not limited to, accounting for the welfare and whereabouts of Mr. DeLower, using any means necessary to deter Mr. DeLower from misrepresenting the brand, the organization, and himself; from misconduct, including illegal activity or activities that could potentially embarrass the organization; as well as from participating in the aforementioned activities. As a live in personal assistant, it is required as part of the contractual agreement, for said assistant to move into the home of Mr. DeLower the duration of the contract's legitimacy.