The next morning I woke up to Ryan's leg thrown over my body making me sweat more than usual. I threw his leg off of me and rolled over his body. I needed a shower. I grabbed one of the new dresses I bought, a thong, and a razor to shave my legs. Today, I'm going braless. Live a little. Be a different me. I grabbed my bath towel out of my bag along with my body wash. I was just going to see Kyle about the job. I wanted to get my day started early so I can end it early.
I walked through the quiet house, hoping not to make a lot of noise on my way to the bathroom. I'm guessing Damion was the only one up since he goes for his runs every day. I had the house to myself for a while before everyone got up. I opened the bathroom door and dropped everything from my hands. There stood a very naked Lewis drying himself off. He turned at the sound of my bottle of body wash thudding the floor. I covered my eyes. I guess no one knows how to lock doors around here.
"I'm so sorry. I'll go."
"Nothing you haven't seen before." I couldn't see his face to tell if he was trying to say it to make me blush. My cheeks still heated at the thought of all the times we had sex.
"Or Ali," I retorted. I'm not giving him that chance to break me again.
He sighed heavily. I heard him moving around then my hand was pulled from my eyes. His touch alone made me slightly shiver. I missed it. I missed it even when he let me go. He had a towel wrapped around his waist, but that didn't stop the dirty thoughts running through my mind as I watched beads of water race down his muscled chest. My body still craved him. Hopefully, that goes away soon. "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have overreacted. I should have let you explain, but I thought you knew about-"
"Stop. I just hope it was worth it and that you are happy with her."
His face scrunched up in confusion. "We aren't together."
My face dropped. A lot of questions that troubled my mind constantly was finally answered. "What? I thought you guys came here together and she said-"
"She lied. She pulled up at the same time I did and asked me to help her with her bag. That's it." He took a step towards me and I stepped back. He sighed heavily and dropped his head. "After everything went down, I went to see my parents and asked them for a favor. It cost me a lot, but it was worth it. I had them hire their private detective to find you. They did. On the one condition that I give up my "pipe dream" of being a chef and take over the company." He looked up at me.
"Why would you give up your future to find me? You cheated on me."
"Don't you get it! You were my future. I messed it up. All of it was on me." He paused and cleared his throat to stop his voice from cracking. "It was hard, but he found you. I didn't know that Ryan was his last name, but he figured it out. I spent my summer making sure you were ok. I sat parked outside of his loft every chance got, but you never left his place. My PD guaranteed that you were in there and it hit me hard to know that I was the reason for that. I'm so sorry for what I did to you. I deserve everything I get."
"How do I know you're not lying to me?"
"I have no benefit in lying to you. I'm not doing this for you to forgive me because I know you won't. I just don't want you to ever second guess how much I love you. I never lied about any of that. I just let my insecurities get in the way of logic. Deep down I knew you would never cheat on me, but I was just so angry that it happened that I didn't care about logic. I'm sorry."
I could feel my heart tugging, wanting me to forgive him, to give him another chance, but my logic said no. I couldn't trust him. It would never be how it was and I'd be stuck wondering whether he'd cheat on me again. I can't live like that. I could feel the tears brimming my eyes. "Well, it's too late. I will act civil for the sake of our roommates and I will always love you, but I will never trust you again. Not like that." I quickly wipe away a tear that slipped. I was sure he saw but didn't speak on it. "Now, if you would excuse me. I need to shower."
He nodded as I sidestepped him. I went to set my stuff on the sink. "I'll be sure to lock it."
He did as he said before walking out. I was left alone to my restless thoughts once again. I plopped down on the toilet seat, putting my head in my hands. This is going to be so hard with him still here. He gave up his dream for me. I still hate him, but maybe that doesn't have to last forever. Maybe. we can eventually be friends again.
I found my self sitting down in the tub as the shower rained over me. I quietly sobbed. This was going to be harder than I thought. I wasn't trying to pretend like I was normal and fine like when I first came here. I was actually trying to move on here. This is like my reoccurring nightmares. The hurt starts all the way over every time I see him. It's like a blow to my chest. I need to find a way to channel this pain into something useful. Maybe working would help. I don't want to seem like I'm running away. I just need something else to occupy my mind.
Ryan's voice seeped underneath the door. "Hey, Em, are you okay? You've been in there over an hour."
See what I mean.