Lying is easy, I feel like lying is part of life, you learn how to talk, walk, eat your food, but most important you learn how to lie. It start with something simple, maybe you miss a day at school and tell your mom you were there the whole day, tell her about how you slept at your friends house, but you were at a boyfriend’s house. My whole life I felt I could lie about anything I wanted, but I was wrong, I couldn’t lie about my feelings toward Nick. While we were hiking that hill, I felt like a liar, and somehow it bother me. It was like I wanted to be something better to Nick, I didn’t want to lie to him. And while I observed him hiking that hill like he owned this I decided that I was full of my own lies, that I couldn’t go another year watching Nick slip thought my fingers again, that an attitude needed to be made. And for the first time in my life I was going to take the first step. All those years I was waiting for him to see me, and waited for nothing. Maybe it was I who was suppose to do something, and I was going to do it.
Everything looked the same as last year, the flowers I loved were still there, the green of the hill looked a little dark, but it was still pretty in my eyes. And Nick made the whole vision feel and look better, it was like he belonged to this place, as if the hill we loved was his garden where he would plain his seeds and watch it grown like a proud dad. He showed me this place a long time ago, I still remember how he threw a rock in my window made me go in the dark in a little trail right behind the old supermarket by the corner of his house and showed me the stars on the top of this same hill. We were just kids back there but while we were hiking this same hill I couldn’t help but feel the same feeling I felt that first night, it was like I was still a little girl waiting for Nick to steal me away from my own lies.
- Looks more beautiful each year right?- says Nick stealing me away from my thoughts while offering his hand in support for me to hike and see the view.
- yeah, have you been here in the holidays? It looks like someone has been taking care of this place.- I said while looking around and noticing little changes around our place.
- Just some days, most of the days I was with you or John, but every time I needed a time for myself I was here. Come on I have something to show you- Nick took my hand and stated leading the way to a tree on the left side of the hill, right under it was a box, our secret box, a place where all my love letters to Nick were hidden. Beside it was to empty bottles, and lots of sheet papers.
- I’ts our box, what’s new in that?- I asked confused about what he was trying to show me.
- Not our box silly, the empty bottles- Said Nick gentility pushing me toward the tree.
- Okay I got it, what are we going to do with them?
- Today my beautiful lady we are doing something different, we are not just going to write to our box, no my lady, we are also going to write to the ocean- said Nick taking my hand and dancing with me around the hill.
- Nick you are going to make me dizzy- I said while laughing wishing this wasn’t some king of weird dream of mine.
- Come on baby, this year everything is going to be different, is a new phase, we are growing up, and I want to feel even if it’s for a second that we are going to be the same with each other for the rest of our lives- I understood him we were in our last year on school, college waited for us as soon as we walked out of the school door. We don’t know the day of tomorrow and plans not always go as planned, life is full of surprises, but Nick and I didn’t want to be affect by that.
- You know we can still talk right? It’s not like one of us is going to die or anything like that, we can talk, visit each other, and every holiday we can come here, to our hill.- there were a lot of things I wanted to say to him, but my words were stuck n my mouth, and the words that made a way through my unrevealed feelings were not the ones I was suppose to say.
- I know it, I just don’t want to lose you.- And for a moment I tough he was going to say those 3 little words I dreamed to listen come out of his mouth.- well enough depression we are here for our annual mission, and we must achieve it.- he said getting leaving me and picking up the bottles, sheet papers and box from the ground.
And here I was sitting beside him trying to make him feel I was confident enough to write about my dreams. The truth is that I was terrified I couldn’t write because all I wanted to write about was Nick, and he was sitting beside me writing about his dreams.
So I decide I was going to write him a letter, a letter he was never going to see or read, cause it was aiming to the ocean right in front of me.
Honey Honey here I am sitting beside you wishing there was no space between us, I wish you could see me more than I am, see me the way I see you. Every time you walk in my direction I feel like I am read to faint, you can make me breath hard but at the same time you make me see everything slowly. Like you control everything around me, and you don’t even notice this, you are so into making other people happy that you don’t mind your own happiness, you are always ready to give everything you are to people but they never give themselves the same way. I see it Nick I see all of it, but even through I am ready to see you, I don't think you are ready to see me. There is no problem on not being ready to love, it doesn't mean you can't be loved, I will still be here Nick, I will still be ready for you.
Love, your Lady.
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