I texted Layla back as soon as I got back in the car.
Me: Yea, imma be a lil late tho.
Layla: Yay I can't wait 2 c u ;)
I sigh, running both of my hands through my hair. In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm gay. I like girls. Which is part of the reason I get so frustrated when Caven touches me.
I mean, when you think about it, it doesn't sound that bad because we're not related by blood. But to me, it's so much worse. It's like he's taking advantage of the fact that we don't share the same parents to do whatever he wants to me. He probably thinks that it justifies his actions. It doesn't.
I was born 17 years ago. My mother died giving birth to me, so my father had no choice but to raise me. But he absolutely hated me. He let his servants do that for him, and gave them full permission to beat me when I deserved it. And by their standards, that was quite often.
Even though they hurt me, no one ever touched me in a sexual manner. That is, until my father remarried. My step mother just wanted him because of his money. And she already had a son. Caven. He was four years older than me. I met him when I was eight.
At first, all he did was hit me as well. It wasn't until I was a teenager, and I had matured into a more appealing body that he even looked twice at me. I was always just below him. Below everyone. Not worthy of any kind of respect.
I'm still not, but now he just chooses to use me, instead of simply ignoring me. I really wish it had just stayed the way it was, with no one paying any attention to me.
But we don't all get what we want. The first time it happend, I came home from a party, and I had been drinking. I wasn't completely wasted, but I wasn't in the right mindset either.
So as I tried to sneak in, thinking that no one would notice since no one cared about me. But Caven found me in the kitchen. I don't know what made him do it, but he kissed me then. I couldn't really process what was happening, so I didn't try to fight him off. He took that as cooperation, and took me up to his room. By this point, the alcohol was beginning to wear off, and I did my best to run away from him, but I couldn't. He took my virginity that night.
So as you can see, I have some issues. I tend to not really let people in, to hide myself behind a mask of confidence and arrogance, when inside I'll never be satisfied with myself.
Layla is one of the only people who know about my past. Who knows about all of my insecurities, and still loves me for me. I didn't even think it was possible to love anyone as much as I love her. She's always been there for me, holding me, helping me.
Which is why I feel so bad right now. I was obviously checking out the girl in the gym, Emory. Hell, I might even have feelings for her, and we literally just met. But Id never do anything with her, out of respect to Layla, and I know that. But I still don't feel right about thinking the way I did when I saw Emory.
Yet I don't want to cancel our "lessons". I want to see her again, to talk to her and get to know her. Even if it's a bad idea, and that I may very well catch feelings her her, I still want to.
I let out a long groan. Too much stuff happened today. I just want to forget it all and have fun with my girlfriend. I take a deep breath, pushing all the events of the day to the back of my mind, and I hit the road.
Theres no roof to my Jeep, and the windows are down, so the wind blows my dark red hair all over the place. No, it's not the weird, orangeish natural red, but a dark, garnet red. It compliments my silvery eyes well. I know, I have some odd features, but get over it.
At least God did one thing right for me. I'm not trying to boast or anything, but he made me beautiful. My high cheekbones and diamond shaped face are flawless, no blemishes at all. I have full, dark lips that add contrast to my pale face.
I'm not the shortest girl out there, but I'm definitely not tall. I know this sounds horrible, but I can see why Caven took such a liking to me. I've got nice curves, and a small waist, complete with a set of abs. I work out regularly, taking great pride in my appearance. After all, it is the only thing I've got going for me.
I mean, I hardly ever show up to school, which Layla gets on me for all the time.
Speaking of Layla, I pull up to her house. I actually do feel better after that drive. I smile to myself before getting out of the car.
I walk up the steps and knock on the door.