Love Hatred

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Chapter-8

Past


London


Sarah's PoV

Me and Ali jumped out of the cab as soon as we arrived at the outside of our building. During this whole time sprinting toward the rescue door, I never dared to look behind. I blow a puff of heavy breath in relief and rest my exhausted body on the door, right after entering behind Ali inside our 'home sweet home'. My eyes fluttered open when I feel my heart beats at a normal rate for any sane person. But to my horror, the first thing my eyes landed on was a brunette beauty staring at me questioningly, with eyes squinted into slits and hands resting on her slim hips. I can literally see her brain wheels turning backwards to events occurred in the past hour, trying to figure out what wrong could happen with me during that time. Relax sweetie, I'll explain the sweet tale in detail.

Yeah, I'm really that silly to not even handle myself in a simple situation calmly by myself. But I dare not to speak my thoughts loudly, because my sass can piss her off, and pissed off Ali is not good to endure. Not at all.

I straighten my body from the door and was about to my mouth but in that moment my eyes flickered to the the clock behind Ali and my brain alarmed immediately remembering that tomorrow is my first day at work. Correction, I mean at 'London Tower'. Yup at 'The London Tower'.

I cursed myself internally 'shitty shenanigans' how could I lost track of time. Maybe it's because of Ali, but it's me who suggested her to go to that new club, where she desperately wanted me to take.

I question the sanity of my brain the moment I foolishly listened to Alisha to go haywire and have a 'me time like a normal girl partying and enjoying at some freaking club' as she air quoted it. I told her I'm contented in having my 'me time' on my bed with my favourite 'Pride & Prejudice' reading my brains out. But will she listen to me, like ever?

Nevertheless, she succeeded like always in convincing me to settle the matter with a bet, that is if I'll got the job we will got to her desired place to celebrate, which again without a doubt I know will be that 'club'. She was damn sure that she'll win which she did and I was in that hell hole, a club enjoying my time solemnly up until him....

The Dan..... NO.. No..no...

Don't spell his name. I mean nick name. I don't even know his name. It's not like I want to know. Yeah! I don't want to know that 'hot hulk' name. Hot hulk!? But the point is you never spelt Satan's name especially before your bedtime, they'll surely ruin your dreams for you. And I have to sleep peacefully so I don't look like a walking zombie on my first day at my workplace.

Chanting to myself that 'I, Sarah Wilson, is not going to spell his name' I took a step forward towards my right where my room is. But my step halted when it's blocked by the very presence of my BFF who is looking at me with a raised eyebrow and pointed look. Oh! I completely forgot about my interrogation.

I pouted my lips at her and plead politely

"Can we talk about it tomorrow? I'm tired."

"No, we're going to talk about it right now. That was not normal of you Sar, you look like a horrified kitten scared of her life." She heave a sigh in frustration.

Horrified Kitten, like seriously I'm not that bad. I want to point this badly, but I better not interrupt Ali, if I want to sleep tonight. So, I stand patiently fiddling with my fingers, head down like a child caught red handed stealing candies and Ali like a mother hen she is, continued her rambling.

"You look panicked when you were dragging me into the cab and when I tried to pull back, you have this terrified look on your face. I guess I shouldn't have left you alone. It's all my fault. I needed to be more careful afterall it was me who dragged you there with me. I-I am so careless." She look down dejectedly. My mind alerted at her statement , and I shake my head violently in rejection alongwith raise my left hand to reach for her slumped shoulder to catch her attention, so she could stop blaming herself for something which isn't even her fault. She hold my hand midway, just before it reaches her bare shoulder with her right hand gently. Dang! Her reflexes. I chuckled lightly at her reaction. That makes the corner of her lips tug into a smile. She glance down at our joined hands and then looked at me intently with her forest green eyes, and ask the question which I can guess was swirling in her brain for the past hour. Oh! No! Not now.

"I need to know what scared you?" she gave me again a pointed look and without missing a beat ask the question, I afraid she'll ask "OR who scared you?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat nervously and retract my hand from her hold. She noticed that and let go of my hand but narrowed down her gaze at me. I respected that she understands when I needed space or when I should not.

How could I explain this to her, that's it's because of a boy, No I mean, a Man. But what's the difference? Are you stupid? There's is a big ...BIG difference. The way he was touching was so..... smooth, electrifying and enticing, like a trance which I've fallen into nevertheless, even for a couple of minutes. It was slow with expertise as if he knows the effect of his torture.

My train of thoughts were interrupted with snap of fingers in front of my eyes, belongs to none other than Ali.

Before she start her parade of questions, I blurted out the most obvious thing came to my mind,

"It's because of a boy....No I mean a Man. Yea--h-uhmm a Man." I cleared my throat which suddenly felt dry.

"What Man?" She ask with in confusion but there was amusement in her tone, I can sense that. She is finding fun in this, so I don't bother myself to reply to her question.

She take my silence in a wrong and fire first thing comes to her mind.

"Did he harm you? Threaten you? Do I know him? Tell me his name, just spell his name and trust me I'll chop off his balls and put them over his head." She asked raising her voice in higher octave which she did when she was swearing in determination.

The image of Alisha doing something that horrendous, make me cringe. Ewww......Gross. I scrunched my nose in disgust.

"That's so gross Ali. And no he didn't harm me." Because I do that honour.

"I don't know his name. And I'm sure you also don't know him" I replied meekly.

Alisha observed me with her penetrated gaze for a little while, and then shrug her shoulder when she found nothing suspicious. I know she was confirming if I'm hiding something from her. Because me lying is impossible. No, what I mean is it's a futile attempt to lie to her. Actually, In General, it's was of time. Reason is I'm a very poor liar. I-I just don't know how to do it. Everytime I try, I get caught. Ha.. Poor me I guess.

"Ok. But that doesn't mean I don't want to know more" and with that she pulled me alongwith her and plopped down on the three seater sofa. Oh..No here we go.

"Start from the beginning" Ali chirped a little excited, no actually overexcited to know the details about the telltale of my little discomfort.

"But Ali, it's my office tomorrow, my first day and you know how much I wanted this job. I can't risk my chances with lack of sleep and then walk around like a living zombie at my first day of work. It shows unprofessionalism" I explained or more like exclaimed.

"Unprofessionalism? And from you." she pointed her finger, with a slight disbelief which soon wiped and replaced with a full blown grin on her beautiful heart shaped face "You're joking right" her eyes are twinkling with delight like she found fun in that, which is actually weird. Because there is no fun in what I say.

Unless......

And then I noticed, something which I had missed all this time. Shoot!! She's is drunk.

Oh no.... How many drinks had she taken? Was it 2 or 3? I whined loudly.

Mercy on me God.

Handling drunk Alisha, is like holding a babbling child who is not ready to shut up, not until they got what they wanted.

But don't stressed out, she'll just eat your brains out till the time you kneeled yourself down and fulfill her every idiotic demand. That's what going to happen to me.

"No, I'm not. And you're drunk" I state the obvious and try to mask my face in serious countenance and looked at her sternly. "And we're going to bed" I stand and offer my hand for her to hold, but she swatted my hand right away. So Meanie.

"No, I'm not drunk just a little tipsy. And we're not going anywhere. Not until you tell me everything."

"Now is not the time" I pleaded her.

"Are you refusing me, your BFF, your one and only cutie" she started tearing up. Oh! God help me. Now is the best time to shower strength to your Sarah. I'm serious, this is the best time.

"I never called you that" I retorted back just so I don't fall in her infamous game and start using my own trick for distracting her. I played along just so she got tangled in her own game and forgot about what she was about to ask. Let's see if it work.

"You did, when you were eating your favourite chocolate chips pancakes for lunch and Lorenzo stole it from you and eat them all." I nod my head and gave her an encouraging smile to continue. Just for the show. I know where is this going and if I interrupt her in between, she'll got irritated and that's the last thing I want.

"You started crying like baby and like a life saver I am, I came to your rescue and pushed that nincompoop to the ground." During her who blabbering, the only thing which get into my head is her calling me 'cry baby' which irked me to no bound, but I just rolled my eyes at her and bend down to hold her from her waist and pulled her to stand up. She resist and I divert her attention to the small talk we were having.

"Yeah, and I was only 5 at that time. What do you expect me to do. He was stronger than me. And I was so small and fragile" I huffed at the same time balancing her hand on my shoulder which is slipping constantly credited to her staggering steps. I glanced at her to find her already peeking at me underneath her lashes with a cheeky smile. Oh...k so she was teasing me.

Just to get back on her, I gripped her waist a little tight but harmlessly at the same time and tickle her stomach a little, to which she laugh making difficult for me to carry her half body to her room, which is left to mine. In the process of dropping her gently down on the bed, our legs entangled with each other. And that gentle gesture of laying down turns out painful falling one, for Alisha of course, when my body land on her with a 'oommph'.

Alisha groaned loudly "Oouu....." which she slurred and laugh loudly with tears leaking out of her eyes. I pulled back myself and layed beside her to side glance her questioningly. She was clutching my right hand firmly, her eyes were nearly shut which is like everytime, when she laugh wholeheartedly even at something so stupid like this time, looking so innocent without any care to the world. Just like typical Alisha. A smile pulled at my lips at her silliness which soon turn into a full blown laughing session when she tell me the real reason behind her laugh remembering the last time when I act this clumsy where I spilled my whole cappuccino on the last person I want. The embarassment and humiliation was just not finished yet, due to the collision I lost my balance and fall onto 'Ms bimbo' of our highschool. Such good old days.

Soon we stop and looked at each other and start laughing again hysterically, reminisceding how I had ruined her dress skirt and the look on her face. I got my first ever detention, because of the fist fight we get into that day. More like hair pulling. Hehe....

After giggling for a while, I get up & went to her closet to take out the special white t-shirt which she loves to wear during bedtime. I helped her changed out of her sleeveless gold shimmering dress. Then I changed myself into my navy blue printed night suit and left toward kitchen to make something to eat for both us because I'm starving and my stomach is rumbling notorious noises for not getting any and Ali is not less than me. We both settled to eat the leftover pasta as we both are tired enough, no actually, lazy enough to make anything. Procrastinator!!!!!

After eating in her room listening to her adventure of kneeing the balls of Mr. Jerkface in slurry voice. She drowned to sleep halfway in the story and I got up to clean the dishes. I peeked a glance inside her room to check on her one last time, I was definitely not in mood for a chit chat with her. Call me bad friend. I breath a sigh of relief when I found her body sprawled over the bed with mouth agape. I went inside put cover over her half naked body, placed a water bottle on the side table kissed on her temple and switch off the lights. Thank God she didn't puked.

After laying my tired body on the bed, my thoughts unintentionally wandered to that 'particular stranger'. Yeah, this name is much better. But what I did was really immature. It was my indecisive mind doing, along with the mixture of panic and fear. That move was impulsive and out of instinct, but still that didn't justify my outrageous act of hitting him. The main reason why I don't want to talk it with Alisha was my own embarrassment over this whole escapade. I need to clear my head and analyse this situation by myself to figure out what was actually the reason behind me acting that stupid.

I'm just glad that I steered the conversation with Ali to another direction, more or less it will help me figuring out what I'm going to say to her when the question will arise again. Knowing Alisha, she'll get the truth out of my mouth, my best guess up till tomorrow night. It's not like I can put up with a convincing lie, so the only option I have is to clear my mind and come out clean. I know she'll understand but it's still difficult to decipher what her actual reaction over this whole thing will be.

If Judie, Ali's brother haven't made me learn those self defence training session, then this wouldn't happen in the first place. I would have behaved like a rational sane person.

The guilt and remorse is eating me up now that I hit a guy because he was sexually assaulting me more like manhandling me. I agree what he did was wrong, but me resorting to violence is also not a wise choice. I should have talked to him and make him convinced that I was not interested in the offer he was proposing. But were you really not interested? It doesn't look like that way to me when you were about to moan in pleasure. My subconscious mocked me.

But it still was wrong in so many ways and we both know that. Great, now I'm justifying my action to my subconscious.

Thinking hard I can't deny that his touch was not electrifying my body. I'm not going to say his kisses was making my inside go mush but my traitorous body was acting on her own, completely out of control at the time. It's feels like my body has its own language, she was dancing voluntarily on the melody he was playing with his touch.

A part of me is glad that I don't submit to him even though my way to get out was not civil, but there is an unconscious part of me who is slightly regretting the choice I made. Because she think one night won't hurt.

But he was definitely not my type, a very good news for my sanity. His mere presence scared me and excite me at the same which is clearly confusing.

The power of control oozed around him, his whole persona screams dominance and perfection.

He is the that type of food I want to devour the taste of, but is definitely not heathy for my body.

And he is not what I'm looking for in my life. I'm a very simple girl and I want nothing but a plain simple life living happily with my loved ones and not want any life threatening adventure with a rich arrogant hunk. Hunk!?. The thing is all in all, he is off limit.

And I also have learnt this thing earlier, during my first relationship which was more like a friendship but, that's not the point. The point is, living in denial and not confronting your true emotions is not going to get me anywhere. My brain is swirling around, thinking of different possibilities of me acting that weird to that 'estranged stranger'. Was I was angry at myself for the attraction I was feeling for him and distracting me for my life goals? Did I hate him for making illicit promises of having the best time of my life or myself for subduing to his desires? Was I scared of getting lost in the thin line of lust and love? I'm not quite sure. Yet.

I turn to look at the clock beside on the side table. It's past midnight, I should have slept by now. But, here I'm talking to myself and thinking about that 'particular someone' when I should be more concerned about my future. Here, I found another reason to not think about him. Stop Sar, Just Stop. No more thinking.

If I think more about him then I might go crazy. Giving a rest to my wild thoughts, I shifted in the bed, set the alarm, closed my eyes and soon drowned in a deep slumber.

The next morning I woke earlier than expected even before the alarm time, more or less I'm excited to start my day at 'London Tower'. I took a long warm bath, thinking about what would this unpredictable day beholds and tried my best to not let that 'boring someone' invade my thoughts. Note the sarcasm. But you know what they say 'the more you try to ignore the more that thought enter into your brain' and my brain is no different, so she is revinding the same scenario of last night in club without any break, over and over again. Seriously, I'm fed up with all of this. So I'm ready to give a shout out, if anybody open for a brain exchange. I'm up for it.

Still venturing in my silly thoughts I wrapped a towel around my petite body-

'All the other kids with a pumped up kicks you better run better run, faster than my bullets'

YaY!!!!

I pumped my fist up in the air which makes my towel fall at the floor. I pick it hastily and wrapped it around me again. Me and my clumsy ways.

Oh..kay so drunkard Ali is up. Early. WoW that's new.

I wear black pencil skirt and opted for a light shade of pink blouse. But, I'm confused between black wedges and blank pump heels. Arghh.... fashion is confusing.

I pick both of them and went to look for my life savior, whose back is to me and is busy making breakfast. Awww.... So sweet of her. I put both shoes on the floor in the living room and move on my tippy toes to scare her from her behind. But before I reach at her-

"Pancakes and orange juice is on the counter. Eat it fast, before you got late."

"You can't scare me sweetheart"

"You're no fun." I whined ignoring her comment.

"Oh! Yeah Speak for yourself." She replied and then turn around to fill the sandwich. She is moody today. Well, when she is not?

I looked at my crisis lying shamelessly on the floor. I pick them but only after turning down the volume of the stereo system. Gosh.... My ears.

"Which one?" I asked Ali.

"The pumps" she replied not even bothering to turn around and look at me. Is she some kind of mind reader?

"No, I don't need to become some weirdo mind reader to know my friend's silly problem" she answered nonchalantly to the question I don't remember even questioned.

Did I speak out aloud?

"Yes missy you did and you're still doing." She chuckled and turn around to look at me upfront.

My mother turns 'O' at that when understanding dawned on me.

"Close your mouth before flies get into it." I did what she says.

1. Wear the black pumps.

2. Closed my mouths.

I guess I did that in descending order.

Whatever.

I get my plate from the counter and slide the chair to sit down and concentrate on the mission of eating.

I finished my plate hurriedly not bothering to give a witty retort back to Ali. Not the time today.

The whole time I can see from my peripheral vision the burning gaze of Ali who has already seated and is biting his sandwich, a little hard may I add, for her teeth.

"Ok, what is it?"

"Oh! So I need to tell that- what is it that my friend is hiding from me-" she looked at her watch "exactly from the last 9 hours to be exact?" She exclaimed.

I hold my hand at her to wait.

Before setting up for an questionnaire, I prefer to drink my orange juice first who is luring me to devour him and to my benefit, my stomach growled in agreement. So, I drink it first in one whole gulp and burped loudly, not ladylike, then to hide my embarrassment I smile sheepishly at Ali who was drumming her fingers on the coffee table waiting with anticipation. I ask for two more minutes and stand up.

I cleaned both of our dishes wash my hands and sat down face to face with Alisha. Before she open her mouth her phone ring. Perfect timing.

She groaned loudly looking at the Caller ID but pick it up half-heartedly.

"I'm busy..... But....... Ugghhh.... Ok......I'll be there in 30 minutes" she slide her chair to stand up and stared at me with hands on her hip.

"Don't think this is over."

"I'm not." I said defensively.

She sighed loudly "Mason called. It's an emergency." I nodded in understanding.

"So, we're going together"

She look down at herself and scoffed at the sight of a stain on her tee

"I have to take a shower."

"I can see that" I know what is going to come.

"Dumbo. I mean It will take a while" she rolled her eyes at me which irked me.

"I know that Ms. Fashionista" Take it back.

She glared at me. Uh-oh bad move. We get into a staring competition.

"Okay-ok I got it." I raised my hands defensively.

"Good. Now go, before I kick you out myself"

"Too much violent" I mutter under my breath and stand up. Ali's narrowed eyes proved that she heard me clearly. I open for a bear hug which she complied immediately but I didn't miss the eye roll. Yay!!! Truce pact.

"We can enjoy our banter later on" I smiled slightly. We're really immature.

"We're going to talk about this at the dinner. So, don't be late." she ordered and I sighs deeply. Here goes my happiness out of the window.

"Okay cutie" I promised.

Ali then dashed into her room to take bath and get ready.

I breath a sigh of relief and stretch a little bit. That was a tight hug. I then went inside my room, combed my pretty wavey blonde in a pony tail, hurriedly applied thin eye liner and lip gloss. I don't want to be late. Double check every stuff inside my purse and hastily run outside my apartment but not before hollering loudly bye to my silly friend who is still busy showering. Talk about laziness.

I wished Samuel, the buffy looking security guard of our building good morning. He returned it politely. He is a nice guy. I would chat with him about his pregnant wife if I had time. But it's alright. Maybe later someday I'll ask him about the baby shower.

He hailed a cab for me. I thanked him for being a gentleman as he is.

Inside the cab my legs are shaking just thinking about what could my first day entails. There is a nagging feeling in the back of my mind telling me incessantly that something bad is about to happen. But I forced the feeling aside and let positive thoughts enter my brain. I just hope that everything turns out to be better and everyone will be satisfied from my efforts. I have confidence over my abilities but there is still a slight shaky nervous feeling. Maybe the normal anxiety. But whatever, I'm going to give my best and leave the rest to the God.

But that's where I came wrong. Because what is about to happen, even God can't save me from that.

Ugghhh My life.........



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