Stop or I’ll crumble
After worrying for hours on end, Matt and Kai both arrive back home in the early hours of the morning. Upon entering, I begin to whack Matt’s arm but it does nothing.
“Where the fuck were you? I was worried sick,” I yell, sounding like a concerned mother. Both boys take off their shoes and sit at the table, grunting in tiredness and agitation. I sit with them, waiting for my due explanation. When we sit in a disturbing silence for a long time, I say, “one of you better tell me where the fuck you two were or so help me God.”
“We were in Arizona,” Matt replies sullenly, looking up at me.
I suddenly become tense at this mention of an impromptu trip back home to Arizona.
Why the hell would they go there? They had no business. What if it was to find out about me?
“We talked to Jackie.”
Wow, Jackie. We were best friends a long time ago. She tried to help me, even though we had started drifting apart. I should talk to her again, now that I’m better and clean.
“And we talked to a guy named Parker.” At the mention of Parker’s name, I become instantly wary. What were they doing talking to Axel’s old best friend? They had fallen out over something; Axel didn’t want to talk about it. I glare into Matt’s eyes which look distraught and filled with an emotion more serious than concern. “Alex, you need to leave him. Please.”
“What? No! Why?1” I exclaim, my breathing becoming uneven and short.
“He told us Axel used to hit you. And force you to do things. If you don’t break up with him, we’re going to murder him ourselves,” Matt says, in a raised voice.
“He’s better now, he’s changed. I used to be terrible; I wouldn’t want to be friends with who I was, I’m not sure why people did. But I’m better now. And he’s better too,” I explain, feeling the clear severity and seriousness of the threat.
“Guys like that don’t change, they can’t. Alex, please, leave him,” Matt pleads, his eyebrows turning up and presses together.
“I’m giving him a chance, Matt. If he does anything, I won’t forgive him this time. But I want to give him a chance,” I reply, more calmly. “I promise it won’t become like before. If it starts to, I will stop it. Please just let me give him a chance.” Matt’s face stares at me for a moment.
“I can’t make you do anything, I’m just advising you to break up with him. Go to bed anyway, you have school tomorrow,” Matt concludes, yawning.
I peer over at Kai. He has a much different expression: one of fury, complete and utter fury. I watch his fists balled up, his knuckles turning white. He has nothing to say, but I know he’ll be out tonight, letting out his aggression. He’s enraged over Axel, finding out he was abusive and that I was giving him another chance.
I avoid his eyes and head to my room, trying to clear my thoughts and sleep. But all I am is anxious. Are they right? Am I being blind in giving him another chance? What if I fall in too deep again? I don't know if I have the strength to pull myself out.
I wake up the next morning to find Kai as expected with cuts all over his hands and a few on his face, but unexpected as he hauls my dad to his bedroom.
He looks up at me with a smile and continues. Then he heads back out to the kitchen where I stood still and begins making breakfast. We sit in silence, me sipping coffee and him making whatever he's making. Suddenly, a plate is dropped in front of me onto the table. Kai seats himself next to me with another plate of food and begins to eat.
“Kai?” I ask, confused at so many things.
“You better eat before it gets cold,” he replies nonchalantly, and I do as he says with a little smile. He helped me with my dad and he made me breakfast.
I hum silently to myself, enjoying the delicious food Kai made.
Beating people up seems to really do the trick? Not that I can blame him. It works for me too. I'm merely relieved that I can't see that animosity he held last night.
“Those look like they hurt,” I murmur, looking at the cuts in his hands.
“They don’t,” he responds bluntly.
At once, he meets my eyes, his dark eyes boring into mine. He slams his lips into mine impulsively. Moving his mouth against my clearly astonished lips, I don’t know what to do. I can’t think as he tries to get me to allow his tongue access into my mouth.
After a few moments when I snap out of my shock, I pull back and stare at him. My chest is heavy and I'm breathless. What the fuck just happened?
“I’m sorry,” he says before returning back to his food leaving me gobsmacked.
He kissed so good, too good. I liked his kisses better than Axel. He makes me feel different to Axel, I don’t know what it is. But I love Axel. He’s my boyfriend and Kai just kissed me, again.
I then feel his hand rest on my bare thigh, his fingers drawing little patterns as he continues to eat, not even glancing in my direction. I move my hand to grab his and pull it up from under the table.
“Stop,” I whisper weakly. “Please, Kai, I can’t.” He makes me feel like telling him to stop is wrong, without even saying anything. But him doing it is wrong. I’m with Axel.
He moves in so his lips are next to my ear and whispers, “beautiful, it doesn’t sound like you really want me to, but fine.” He removes his hand out of my grip and places his plate in the sink. “He doesn’t fucking deserve you.” He leaves me alone, still with a smirk on his face as he waltzes to his room.
Kai fucking Walker.
He is trying to tempt me. And I don’t know how I feel. Axel and I have history; it feels safer to be in a relationship I was in before, but is he safe? Kai is someone new that I don’t know if I can let in. He’s also my brother’s best friend. But I feel something for him, something I’ve never felt with Axel. I’m not sure if that’s bad.
I’m not that girl who cheats, so I have to decide. Axel or Kai?