My New Fucking Home
"Alex, stop being so immature!" my mom screams at me as I slam the door in her face.
I don't want to see her right now. Kai is gone, and I'm alone again. I had to let Kai go, for his future, for what he could be in California. It just means I have to fight hard for us, to keep us together. I hope he will too, no, I know he will too. That won't stop me from acting like a sulking brat for those who took me away from him.
"Just fucking leave me alone!" I yell back at her, not even thinking about minding my language. They're just words, strong words that actually convey how I feel right now, why shouldn't I use them?
"You better watch that mouth of yours, young lady," she retorts, the sound muffled through the door.
"Fuck off, Caroline." Well, yes, I really have gone as far as to start calling my own mother by her first name. I didn't even know why I gave her the title mom after leaving me, and now, she definitely doesn't deserve it.
I hear my mother huff, her anger seeping through the doors, desiring to suffocate me with its fumes.
"I'll talk to you later about this, after you've calmed down." I hear her retreat down the stairs and I sigh in relief.
Kai texts me that he's home now, where I should be, with him, and an uncontrollable tear slips out. That's been happening a lot recently. I miss him already. I think it's the idea that I'm not going to be seeing him for a while.
A knock at my door has me patting my cheek dry and straightening out my clothes from their disarrayed state caused by my wallowing. I open the door to see the guy I don't want ever want to see again.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know he didn't know," Scott declares, brushing past me into my room without an invitation.
"Bullshit," I answer, glaring into his eyes, "You knew, and that's why you said it like that. Now I have to fucking stay here, you piece of shit!" I begin to yell but my voice comes out croaky.
"Look, I swear, I didn't mean for it to end up like that. I didn't think he'd react that badly. I admit, I knew he didn't know, but how they all reacted was way worse than I had pictured," Scott explains, moving closer to me. I back away, which only makes him take longer strides.
"Just go. I'm staying here now, thanks to you, so you better stay out of my way," I snark, feeling too emotional to deal with anyone, let alone him.
I won't let a tear fall in front of him again, and to keep my word, he has to leave.
And he begins to but I grab his wrist to hiss, "I was all fucking rainbows and sunshine before you ruined it. Now, I'll be your worst fucking nightmare. I was so angry I wanted to beat the shit out of you yesterday, but I figure I have to turn my rage into something else. If you didn't like me before, you're going to be begging to have her back when I'm through here."
I let go of his wrist and nudge him to the door. He scurries out, fear burned into him. I don't have a clue what my plan is, but they planned to have me here, the sweet mature me, and I am going to show them that they should have just sent me back with Matt.
Caroline left me once; she doesn't get the 'me' that I've luckily turned out to be. She'll get the bratty immature reckless selfish daughter that I could've been because of her. I was her. Back in Arizona. With Axel.
I plan to tap into that side of me again, minus the drink and the drugs. Steering clear of addiction is important to me; I'm not giving that up for this stupid revenge. Even I admit it's petty, but she took me away from my home, the mother who left me with an alcoholic father and bills to pay. Now she wants to play house, and I'm supposed to forgive her for everything. I was prepared to, until this.
I stayed in my room all day, texting Kai, and Laurie, Elizabeth and Madison. They were all upset that I wouldn't be coming home any time soon, and they were furious with Matt. Madison told me she would have words with him.
I hadn't realized how close Madison and Matt had gotten, but I think they had just become boyfriend and girlfriend before we left for Pittsburgh. But now, she's fuming with him. Over me. We had certainly come a long way.
In the morning, I have calmed myself a little, not dissuaded from the idea of torturing my new family. I dress in some tight little black shorts with a red crop top that hugs my curves well.
Tying my hair in a messy bun, I skip down to the kitchen, meeting everyone's wary faces. I ignore all of them, grabbing the coffee pot and pouring at my own pace, as if I am there alone.
"Morning, sweetheart," Caroline says, a small but nervous smile on her face.
"Morning, Caroline," I mutter, not meeting her gaze.
"She's your mother, Alex," Jack states, but I just ignore him, not wanting to start a fight right now. I'm not awake enough. "And you can't walk around here dressed in nothing."
This comment snaps my eyes towards his, and a smirk forms on my face. I haven't even tried with the clothes yet, but I guess this normal outfit is already enough.
"Ha, right, I wasn't aware my clothes were being censored too. I guess I'm living in a dictatorship now," I snark, leaning back on the counter, looking over at everyone.
"You better check your attitude. What has gotten into you?" Caroline says.
Is she fucking serious? What has gotten into me? She's unbelievable. I can't control my temper if this shit is coming out of her mouth.
I look over to Scott, who gives me a fearful glance before staring at the floor. I must have really scared him. I didn't really intend to; I was just so mad. But this works in my favor.
"What do you mean?" I ask, with a fake smile and taking a swig of my coffee.
"You weren't like this. You were more grown up than this. I expected more."
"Well, Caroline, I'm not sure what you expected, but to be honest, I don't give a s-h-i-t. You are no mother of mine, and the moment I can finally leave this place, I'm gone. So either you're gonna get bored of me, like you did before, and leave me, or I'm going to have to wait until I'm eighteen. But after that, I want nothing to do with you, at all."
She stands there, a little stunned. With Tommy in the room, playing on the chair, I knew I couldn't swear so I spelled the word out.
Everything I said came from the heart though. She did leave, and I hate her for it, for putting me in the position to be mature, to make the difficult decisions. And I made a decision that potentially could have killed me, Axel could have killed me, one day.
I hadn't really thought about it until Lisa mentioned it, and I realized if we had kept going, one day, a punch to the face, my head hitting the hard floor, I could have died.
The reality is, she wasn't there, and I was too naive and then too generous to get away from Axel. It may be unfair to blame her like I am, but her now controlling my life, expecting me to be perfect and mature and loving, she doesn't deserve that.